Monday, December 31, 2012

Welcome 2013! I can't wait!

I have officially had this blog for a year! Last year, I wrote about my 2012 resolutions. Here was my list last year:
1. Let God's will be, I can't plan or control my life because it is HIS to control
2. Keep praying for our family but not obsess over it because it is for HIS divine purpose
3. Let stress and anxiety roll off my back
4. Love my family, husband, and friends more (I feel I have neglected them in my depression state)
5. Yes, LOSE WEIGHT. It needs to happen. I am hoping I don't give up one month in

As I look back on my 2012 (which has literally flown by!), I can see God's plan in place for us. Going through infertility and being in the trenches, it is so easy to place blame and be bitter. I was. But His plan only makes sense after something in our lives works out. We don't always see the purpose of losing our job or being turned down for an interview until we see the greatness that came from it. The same holds true for our infertility this year.
I didn't meet all of my resolutions for 2012. I did lose 56 pounds. Woo-hoo! I found a closer relationship with God and we found our church home. I did love more and stress less. I prayed for our family non-stop. The one thing I know I still need to work on is letting God's will be. It is hard for me to not plan my entire life; I am a planner and I have a problem giving up full control.
To think that at this time next year, we will have two adorable babies in our arms, makes my life feel complete. However, if I don't continue to grow as a person and as a believer, it will all be for not. So here is my new list of resolutions for 2013:
1. Keep praying to God and praising His name. If not for Him, we wouldn't have these two amazing miracles growing inside me.
2. Be a great Mom.
3. Serve God in all aspects of my life.
4. Be healthy and stay healthy for myself and my family.
This is a quote from my blog post back on December 31, 2011:
"Therefore, I am changing my view of infertility. I am not going to let the enemy convince me that it is something that has happened to me because God is angry with me or that He has forgotten me. Infertility has a purpose."
I pray that each of you can find your own peace with the cards that we are dealt. It is so easy to become bitter and angry. I was. But everything has a purpose. Sometimes we will only know the purpose by going through the crap and the muck. I pray that in 2013 you are able to enjoy life and hopefully your dreams and prayers are answered.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Survivor's Guilt, HUGE NEWS, & Lying by Omission

It has been awhile. In fact, as I write this post...I am still unsure when I will actually get around to posting it. I have been adding bits and pieces for a couple of weeks just waiting for the right time to share it. My last "real" post was WAY back in November and since I started blogging, this is by far the longest break I have taken.

All for good reason.

Let me start off by saying, I am sorry. I am sorry for a lot, actually. I am sorry that I have been hiding from the blog. And I am sorry that I can't make sure that all of you have the amazing news that we were blessed with recently.

The day after Thanksgiving, I went in for what I thought was my CD3 scan. You can remember that bitter post where it was all over right here. The ultrasound tech realized that I hadn't shed my lining so that the bleeding and cramping that I had been experiencing was not ole Aunt Flo after all. They ordered more tests, including  HCG. It came back positive 12dpiui at 45.

We went back 72 hours later and it was 351. We went back 48 hours later and it was 943. My doubling times were crazy. But being the skeptic infertile I am, I waited for the bomb to drop. I was waiting for bad news.

We had a couple of weeks where we went about our days knowing that we might, quite possibly be pregnant. This was and still is a foreign feeling, by the way. Our 6 week, 3 day ultrasound was on December 12. To our utter shock, surprise and elation we saw two amazing sacs with two amazing heartbeats. TWINS! I cried. Jeremy sat with his jaw agape. The sonographer, Sara, cried with me. (She has been with me through all the scans for 3 years.)

We went to sit in the waiting room and both of us were literally shaking. We have NEVER received good news about our family. EVER. We have never felt like this journey would end. We always hoped that it would, but neither of us were ever able to picture a happy ending.
Our angels due August 4, 2013! 
BABY B @ 7w3d
BABY A @ 7w3d

After the overwhelming joy of our blessings, the guilt hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I turned to Jeremy crying on our way home and said, "Why us? There are so many women and men out there waiting for their babies. How did we get two?" Jeremy's response was simply, "It is our time. It will be their time at some point too."

And here is where I start having survivor's guilt. If this works and these two gorgeous babies decide to stick around (Lord, I hope so!), I vow to NEVER become a "fertile". I know the horrible mindset of those pesky fertiles and their disregard for the feelings of us, infertile. I will not be a fertile. I will always and forever be an infertile at heart. I know the struggle. I know the sadness. I know the tears. I know the heartbreak. I will never forget.

I know that some of you are hating my news. Some secretly. Some not so secretly. I have been there. For three and half years, I watched friend after friend get the happy ending I dreamed about. I heard and saw so many blogging friends post bump pictures and pregnancy updates. I would politely post a congratulations but the truth was that I was so jealous of their pregnancies, growing bellies, and baby plans. I wanted it for me. So, I won't make you read my posts anymore if you don't wish to.

I was going to make another blog for the pregnancy. But I can't bring myself to do it. This is my blog. I will try not to throw it in your face because I know that stings. But I will most likely post about my pregnancy experiences mixed in with some infertile rants as well. (I still love ranting!)

I need this blog and quite frankly, need all of you. But I do understand if my news makes it difficult for you. I wish we all could see the end to the long tunnel of infertility.

I hope you join me in this new chapter of our journey. I also hope that you forgive me for keeping this from you all for so long. I didn't know how to approach the news or how to say it. (I probably still ticked some of you off even though I tried not to.) I didn't mean to lie by omission but I needed time to wrap my mind around this all.

I thought worrying was over after the ultrasound. Truth is, worrying has taken on a brand new kind of meaning. I worry more now than I ever have! So I would appreciate any prayers, special thoughts, etc. because I am downright worried and frightened that this awesome news can be taken away from us at any time.

I haven't really told anyone about this news outside our circle of very close friends and family. We are almost 9 weeks and it is still too early to break it to them. I am not making a Facebook announcement, so if you are a Facebook friend and reading this, please hold off on the congratulations there until we are ready.

I am not really showing yet (just a pooch) and have not gained any weight yet. With twins I thought I would be huge from the get-go, but I am not complaining. I have been sick nearly everyday. It is a constant feeling of nausea which is probably why I haven't gained any weight yet. We saw our RE to say goodbye today. We took them a tray of goodies for the staff to all share. They will definitely be missed. At today's appointment, we were 8w5d and Baby A measured 8w4d with 184 bpm and Baby B measured 8w4d with 185 bpm. They are growing so quickly!!

Keep believing and trusting! Don't give up!


Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Christmas!!!

It has been  nearly 4 weeks since I last posted! Crazy! So much has happened in four weeks.

I promise that my huge news and long updating post is coming soon.

For now, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

I wish you all a stress-free next couple of days because I know the holidays are tough.


Friday, November 30, 2012

Taking a Blogging Break

NaBloPoMo is over after today. I can't say that I am going to miss it. At all.

I will say I have enjoyed beating this challenge. I gave myself a large pat on the back before starting this post. Don't worry.

Today's prompt is "What was the biggest challenge of NaBloPoMo?" Duh--writing every freaking day! I don't have anything interesting to say on a weekly basis let along a daily basis. So thanks to everyone who suffered through the craziness of this month with me. Good is over!

So I have decided that I need a break from writing blog posts. So don't worry when I don't have a post for awhile. However, I will still read your blogs and catch up with your lives and challenges. I look forward to that everyday.

Talk to you all soon!!


Thursday, November 29, 2012

I Love Your Blog!

Only one more day to the weekend! Time to celebrate!

NaBloPoMo wants me to discuss at least three blogs that I have found this year. Well, I have only been blogging 11 months so I found hundreds of blogs this year! I started this blog for my thoughts. I didn't really think anyone would read them (crazy, I know). Let along, did I think I would find such solace in blogging and finding other blogs. I follow about 50 blogs and it can be hard to keep up with all of them, but I do. I love hearing about their stories and love even more the support that we all offer each other.

So let me dedicate this post to all of my blogging friends that I have met along the way.

Infertile women (no matter if they are on the other side or not) are the strongest women people that I know. The women in this infertility blogging community are not only resilient, but hopeful. They are brave and strong but also know when/how to have a good cry. They are supportive without a fault. They are understanding and knowledgeable. They are inspiring and driven. They know what they want and they know how to help others get what they want too. And they are the most gorgeous (I saw video blogs) women on the inside and out.

I could go on and on about the wonderful bloggers out there! You all help me get through this struggle and I can't wait to celebrate all of our successes as we move into Mommy-mode!


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Thanksgiving Sermon Link

I said I would copy a link to the Thanksgiving sermon that I was talking about on Monday. Here is a link to the website and click on the "Give Thanks All the Time" sermon.


NaBloPoMo is almost over. As much as I have enjoyed this challenge, I have also dreaded it. With a passion. Hate, actually. I really don't think I am that interesting to have something to say everyday. I was used to posting once maybe twice a week. And to be honest, even then I had nothing interesting to say!

My prompt for today is "What is the worst trip you have taken?"

I love traveling no matter where we are going. Jeremy and I have not had a single bad vacation/trip. Even the trip we took days after recovering from OHSS and a cancelled IVF was amazing. So in order to answer this prompt, I have to go way back to 1993.

My parents bought a timeshare in Branson, MO. For those of you that don't know the country-wonder of Branson, I suggest you google it. No, really do it now. It is the back-woods Vegas. I will admit, present-day Branson is an okay weekend trip. There are shows, theme parks, beautiful views, and their new downtown area.

However, the location is not the reason for Branson 1993 being the worst trip. My parents condo is a two bedroom condo with a pull out couch. It is lovely. We even used it a couple summers ago with some friends. It is fairly large with a patio that opens up to a creek. Really peaceful. Not in 1993. Let's make a run down of my family situation then. I was 10. My brother was 21 and single. My sister was there with her husband. My brother was there with his wife and 1 year old daughter. Then there were also my parents. We had another hotel location so it wasn't too cramped.

Too many different personalities in the mix. Too many ideas for our plans. Embarrassment. Arguments. Too much time spent together. (Yes, there is such a thing.)

I remember many awkward moments of me in the backseat of the car or in the condo listening to bickering of what our plans were or where we were going next, etc.

It was decided that family vacations are a bad idea. In fact, we have yet to all go on a week long vacation with everyone again. And now that family has grown to 16 (soon to be 17 when my niece gets married). So I am thinking another family vaca is out...possibly forever.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Well, I was SO right about my was C-R-A-Z-Y! I think they have all lost their minds....or it is a full moon. (Seriously, their behavior changes with the moon cycles. I am not kidding.) I felt like an angry teacher all day long.

As far as NaBloPoMo, it is almost over and here is the prompt for today: "If you could instantly know any language in the world, which one would it be?"

I have never been super interested in learning a new language. Mainly, because I sucked at Spanish. I took Spanish for three years. THREE years. All I can recall are the normal #1-20, hola, adios, amigo, bano, etc. I don't speak or understand Spanish at all.

So, if it is could be instant and easy...I would want to know how to speak Italian. I think the language is romantic, sexy, and exotic. Plus I want to visit Italy really badly. It is in the LONG off future since our money has gone and will go to infertility costs.

C'est la another language! Go me!


Monday, November 26, 2012

Giving God Thanks (even for the crappy stuff!)

Happy Monday to you all!

I hope your Monday after the long weekend was as good as mine. My kids weren't horrible today. They were productive and for middle schoolers...sweet. Did I just say that? Watch, tomorrow will be awful. That is how their minds work...make me believe they are wonderful and then BAM...back to normal pre-teens! Oh, how I love them though.

Yesterday, we sat and listened to one of those mind-blowing sermons. It really hit home with me to the point I was in tears. I would open my eyes really wide hoping to keep the tears in, but there was no way I could stop them. I wish that our church had posted the sermon already because it truly was one I would share with everyone, all faiths, all backgrounds. Especially the infertile.

It was based on Thanksgiving and how along the way we have lost sight of what Thanksgiving was established thank God. I mean think about often do you do things for other people and you don't get accolades or thanks? It happens quite frequently and it ticks me off! I often in my passive-aggressive way will say "You're welcome" even when a "Thank you" wasn't uttered.

Well, we do that to God. Even when we look at our lives and see nothing to be thankful for...thank God because he has done everything for you and will continue to do so. Our pastor even mentioned that the not-so-thankful moments in our life we should praise and thank God because He has laid this in front of us for His purposes and Will.

I can't do the sermon justice and if I see that they post this message, I will post it here. Truly eye-opening. I have found many more moments the last 24 hours to thank God. I realized I don't do that nearly enough. I find myself asking for things instead of praising Him for what He has provided for me.

I hope you all have a great week!
(Only 4 more posts for NaBloPoMo!)


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Andrew McCarthy in 1987? Sure.

I have got nothing brain is spent. I think I just need to sleep the day away, or at least WISH I could do that. But that won't happen, sadly. Sundays are somewhat busy days for us. I especially dread the Sunday evening rut. Just knowing I have to get up early and go to work puts me in a bad mood. It makes it ten times worse when I have had a FIVE day weekend. I just know when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning, I am going to wish I could go back in time to Wednesday when this Thanksgiving break started. Ugh! At least our winter break isn't too far off!

Since I am out of writing ideas, I am going to use a NaBloPoMo prompt from last week that I never actually wrote about. It asked, "If you had to get locked in some place (book store, amusement park, etc) overnight alone, where would you choose to be locked in?"

I have told you all before how spooked I get. I am easily scared and being anywhere along, overnight would not really be fun for me. However, the more I think I about this question, it would be a department store.

I could sleep in one of their comfy beds, cook food in the kitchen department, try on clothes I would never buy, bathe in shoes (a fantasy?), collect the designer purses, try out perfume, ride the escalator over and over, play with the toys in the toy department, use the aisles as my personal runway, and maybe make friends with the mannequins.

Have you ever seen the 80's movie, Mannequin? I wonder if the mannequins do really come to life? Ha! It would make my department store lock-in definitely interesting!



Saturday, November 24, 2012


My brother's family is in town this weekend. It has been great to have all of my family together in one place. Last night all 16 family members gathered in our tiny, little house. We ate and played games. It was fabulous! It really makes us thankful for what we have right in front of us.

We easily forget how great we have it. And family is at the top of that list. There is no way we could get through infertility without their support and love, not to mention the countless number of prayers they lift up for us!

My nieces and nephew are growing up so fast too. They aren't babies anymore, more reason why we need a baby! They range in age from 20 and about to get married to 12 and in 6th grade. They are just the sweetest, funniest kids around. We love them so much! We are also so lucky to have two adorable nieces on Jeremy's side, including the newest 3 week old addition. All of them perfect. I can't wait till we can add to both broods! It makes me giddy with anticipation.
I thought this Finally onesie was adorable! Hopefully we are able to get this soon!

P.S. The NaBloPoMo countdown is now at 6 more days!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Happy Black Friday!

I hope everyone had an amazingly thankful Thanksgiving. I know that I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with our families. I also stuffed myself until I could barely walk. Seriously. WAY. TOO. MUCH. FOOD. Ugh!

I am also not one of those crazies that brave the crowds of deal-hungry people on Black Friday. We always go shopping the Saturday after Black Friday. It is much calmer and I am not in threat of getting my noggin put in a head lock over electronics.

I did manage to take my mind off of our screwed up cycle. In fact, I really didn't dwell on it at all yesterday. I made my trip to Dr. Kim's office this morning. Good news, no cysts. So we quite possibly will be ready to start another IUI cycle this month. I am just waiting to hear about our blood work and the plan of action. I do have LOTS of meds left over so I am hoping they don't change that drastically because I want to use either my Gonal F or Follistim because I have both.

BTW, only 7 more posts for NaBloPoMo!!


Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am easily wrapped up into the suckiness of my life. I focus on our empty nursery down the hall. I focus on our toy-free house. I often complain about our infertility on this blog. I voice frustrations. I get out my frustrations and sadness (especially as of lately).

I don't want you to think that I am a miserably, bitter person. I really don't think that I am. I know that our situation, as well as many of yours, sucks. Infertility does suck. There are so many aspects of infertility that just plain suck.

But so many of us are so fortunate. For the most part, we have an amazing life. We are fortunate enough to go through these treatments and actually plan for a baby. We are going to be SO prepared to have a baby, and way more prepared than the fertile community!

That being said, I want to focus on the many things I am so thankful for.

  • God
  • My hubster
  • My amazingly supportive family
  • Our friends (even though fertile) are amazing and so are their children!
  • My co-workers and friends at work
  • The legacy and lessons my grandparents left me
  • Running as a stress relief
  • My dogger, Bella, and cat, Lola
  • Our home
  • Dr. Kim and the staff at KU Med
  • Eye liner, without I look like a ghost
  • Smart phones, what did I do without it?
  • DVR, no more commercials
  • Good health
  • Wireless Internet
  • Warm bed
  • Coffee
  • Indoor plumbing
  • And.....all of YOU! This blog has introduced me to fabulous people. I love reading your blogs and sharing my blog with you. I feel like many of us would be friends in "real life" easily. You have been there through the crap and cheered me on in the good. I am blessed to have "met" all of you!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! We are off to one of multiple eating frenzies.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

That Time Again...Welcome ICLW

Welcome all ICLWers! I can't believe it is already this time again. The last month has flown by. Last month, we were doing nothing and the plan was to wait until the spring to proceed with adoption or treatment. Shortly after ICLW ended, we decided that while we are waiting, we were going to try a couple IUIs again.

The cycle moved quickly. I responded to meds, which never happens. I ovulated on my own on CD 13, again, never happens. They had to move up the IUI. I immediately had feelings of this not working. I started spotting CD 23, way too early. I think I started to believe the nurse that this could be implantation bleeding. Well, yesterday, CD 24, I realized it was the dreaded Aunt Flo.

So this IUI didn't work. I am waiting to hear back from Dr. Kim's office to determine what now...we are thinking of doing one more IUI next month, if my body allows it that is.

I am also participating in NaBloPoMo this month. It is through BlogHer and I have to post on my blog EVERYDAY in the month of November. This has been quite the challenge for me but I have made it so far. After today, only nine more days of posting. I. Can. Do. It. But feel free to check out the last 20 posts of rambling thoughts in November.

I look forward to following all of your blogs and learning from you. I love ICLW because it gives me the chance to step out and meet others going through this crazy thing called infertility.

Happy Commenting!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

My Path Whether I Like it or Not

First of all, Amanda at Growing Griswolds is PREGNANT! She got an amazing BETA today so I am thrilled for her.

 I was unsure of how to start off this blog post. I don't want it to be a downer because so many great things are still happening. So I thought the best way to start off was with this amazing news. I love hearing about the infertile becoming fertile. It gives me hope for our situation.

Now, for a bit of the downer...Aunt Flo reared her ugly head. The light spotting and cramping yesterday were obviously not implantation bleeding because today is heavy spotting and cramping. It is a crazy early period but it is what it is.

I am so disappointed even though I knew that this cycle didn't feel right. It was easy for us to picture telling our families and friends that we were pregnant. It was easy for us to envision our first ultrasound. I even found myself looking at my belly more than I should.

So, we are faced with what to do now. I think we will try another iui soon...maybe start this cycle if there are no cysts. But the bigger issue is handing it over to God. Because we can do the treatments and we can hope for the baby of OUR dreams...but if God isn't ready for us to be parents (or parents at all) then it isn't going to happen.

I am struggling with the thought of never being a mom. But what if that is what God has planned for us? Is childlessness something Jeremy and I can deal with? We have to decide when we give it up to Him and start living our lives without thinking about infertility.

I have a wonderful friend at work who literally held me and prayed while I sobbed in her arms. I couldn't have made it through the rest of the day without spilling my guts to her. She is such a strong role model for me. She has an amazing faith and love for God. I am so lucky to have her in my life. Somehow, God knew that I needed her in my life at this exact time of my life.

I often just put a smile on my face and tell everyone I am fine. I even lie on here and make it sound like I really am okay with everything. The truth is that I am struggling to see the bigger picture. I have a hard time accepting this path in life as MY path. I don't want to claim this part of my life. But I must.


Monday, November 19, 2012

A Cluster of Un-awesomeness & Bitterness

Let me start off by saying that I tried to not get my hopes up this cycle. I tried really hard. But then as the two week wait went on, I slowly, deep down had really positive thoughts. I started feeling every twinge and every cramp and thought that this could be it. Jeremy and I started having conversations of what would we do, what would we say, how would we react. I even had dreams I was actually pregnant. Some crazy and wacky, but still got my hopes up.

I have been super crampy the last couple days and started spotting today. Not a lot. Barely there actually. I called the doctor and left a a message on the nurse's line. I know I won't hear back until tomorrow since it is nearly 4:30 central time. I am not new to this cycle game. They are going to tell me not to worry and that it could be implantation spotting. I am CD 23 and 10 days post ovulation, 8 days post iui. I get it, it very well could be.

But what if it isn't? I berate myself for believing in this cycle's dream. I blame myself for getting both of our hopes too high only to start over again.

I heard a talk on bitterness on K-Love a few days ago. A man on there explained bitterness to be a barrier we build around our heart. We put it there to prevent us from feeling. We put it there to prevent our heart from hurting. But God doesn't want us to be bitter. He wants us to feel, even if it hurts. It means we are alive. We learn from those feelings to better ourselves and our relationships. (Keep in mind, this is one man's interpretation.)
I know that I should not try to protect myself but I don't know how else to deal with the emotional roller coaster of infertility. I think we have to build those barriers around our heart because otherwise my heart would have broken into a thousand pieces long ago.

I know that however this cycle turns up, we will march forward. I just wish that we could march forward with a pregnant belly and healthy baby. I pray that these symptoms are just from implantation. The barrier around my heart wasn't as strong this time; my heart is going to break a little.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

God, Christmas, Prayers

Good morning! It is such a beautiful morning in KC today. Wish I was running, but instead I am getting ready to go to church. We haven't been to church in a couple weeks either for our IUI last week or being out of town the previous week. I know that the physical building of the church isn't much to some people. However, being able to sing and worship God every week really does recharge my spirit. I feel like my week goes better when I have taken the time to praise God. It gives me a focus of Him for the rest of the week. I have missed our church friends and am actually so excited to get there!

I also caved and put up some of our Christmas decorations last night. Lola, the evil cat, is in heaven. She loves Christmas. The dangling ornaments, the ribbons on presents, and lights. She has been more pleasant the last 24 hours than she has in months.

Also, say a prayer for my friend, Amanda, over at Growing Griswolds. She is 6dp5dt and has a very strong pink line for pregnancy. Pray that those healthy babies stick and she has a healthy, successful pregnancy.


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 17...ugh!

As you know, I am sick of NaBloPoMo. I forgot why I thought this was a good idea. After this post, I will only have 13 more posts. I. Can. Do. This. I am all for accepting challenges and beating them. I don't even think there is a prize for NaBloPoMo but it proves something to myself.

Since I don't have much to share...and they don't give me prompts on the is your funny for the day:

Here is your inspirational for the day:

Have a great weekend!

Friday, November 16, 2012

No Ghosts for This Wuss!

The NaBloPoMo prompt for today is "Would you buy your dream house if the price was right BUT you also were told it was inhabited by ghosts?"

(By the way, I am tiring quickly from having to make a blog post everyday. This NaBloPoMo has definitely challenged me. To be honest, I don't feel like making a post today but I will because I have made it to the half way point and won't give up.)

I have stated before that I am terrified of nearly everything. This includes even the talk of ghosts. I am not necessarily even a believer of ghosts but I still get spooked by the thought of spirits roaming. Let alone have those wayward spirits haunting my home!

So would I buy my dream house? Heck, no! I would rather live in an overly expensive dump of a house than a cheap, haunted dream house. I enjoy sleep and comfort at home. I wouldn't be able to have that if ghosts lived there too!

As for me, I still believe that this progesterone sucks. I took Tylenol (since that is all I can take) to work with me today. Popping those every few hours has helped. I also asked for permission to run or work out. The nurse says it is a no go. They want me to take it easy and not elevate my body temperature or heart rate until we take a HPT next week. I guess it is for the best but the obsessive person inside is dying to run! Here in KC, the weather has been amazing running weather lately. Brisk in the morning and evenings with highs in the 60's. Perfect fall running. Not for this lady. All for the best if this works!


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Headaches & Favorites

I officially hate this Endometrin (progesterone suppositories)! I have had the worst headaches I have ever experienced today. It truly makes me feel like POOP! If I knew how poop felt, I imagine it would be something like how I have felt all day long. My eyeballs could have easily burst out of my eye sockets with the amount of pain I dealt with. Surprisingly enough, I didn't go off on any ill-behaved students. Although, very tempting at times.

NaBloPoMo wants me to declare a favorite pet. I have one of them is getting thrown under the bus.

I know that it is horrible for a mom to play favorites. But...I am pretty sure I was Mom's favorite out of the four kids...right, Mom? Ha! So if it is bad to play favorites, then I am about to be labeled as the worst pet Mom ever! My choice is easy.

  • Lola: 7 year old tabby cat. She weighs in at a whopping 15 pounds. She carries around a satchel of fat around her mid-section. She loves ME. Only me. She licks and nuzzles me. But the honest truth is that Lola is one of the meanest, vindictive cats I have known. She purposefully attacks people and other animals. She will stalk and pounce right when they are feeling safe. She bites Jeremy in his sleep. She never forgets. If you have ever wronged her in any way, she will hold that grudge against you forever. Do I love her? Yes. No one else does. In fact, Lola has quite the reputation in our family as the evil one. My 14 year old nephew is even terrified of Lola. When spending the night at our house, my nephew couldn't sleep because the evil cat snuck into the guest bedroom. True story. By the way, Lola hates our other pet, Bella, with a passion. She walks up and punches her in the face for no apparent reason.
  • Bella: 4 year old beagle. She weighs in at 21 pounds. She is slim and trim for a beagle. She has the sweetest face I have ever seen. Her floppy ears drive me to cute insanity and her eyes melt my heart. She loves EVERYONE. I mean everyone. And I have never met anyone that doesn't immediately love her in return. She is always happy to see us when we get home. It doesn't matter if we were gone for 5 minutes or all day long. She wouldn't harm a fly. Even when the evil one punches her, Bella just looks at her in bewilderment. This does mean that Bella is a push over. She is scared of everything (just like her momma).

The girls...not fighting

Before Miss Bella came along
The girls usual

My Girls
 favorite? Do I even need to state it? Here is a hint...the most lovable one!


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Sweet & Sour Chicken

NaBloPoMo wants me to tell about the best meal I have ever cooked.

Let's start off by saying that my husband is well fed. He gets food cooked for him every night. That doesn't mean any of that is ever considered "good". So my best meal cooked isn't going to be that fabulous.

I am a baker. I love to bake. Ask me my best dessert and I could tell you. That is my forte.

So I asked my husband what my best meal is. He loves when I make sweet and sour chicken. It isn't store bought or frozen. I found this amazing recipe when I started Weight Watchers. It is light on the points but I must say it is pretty tasty. It takes about an hour and a half so it is not a quick meal to make but it definitely is yummy!

For the Chicken

For the Sauce


  1. 1
    Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
  2. 2
    Season chicken with salt and pepper.
  3. 3
    Working in two batches, toss the chicken pieces in cornstarch and then coat with the egg.
  4. 4
    Heat the oil over medium-high heat and again in two batches, brown the chicken, turning it so that all sides are browned but not cooked through.
  5. 5
    Place the chicken in a single layer in a foil lined 9x13 inch baking dish.
  6. 6
    Wisk together the sauce ingredients in a small bowl.
  7. 7
    Pour sauce evenly over the chicken and turn the chicken to ensure each piece is coated.
  8. 8
    Bake for 1 hour, turning the chicken every 15 minutes.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Infertile Bravery

As I continue NaBloPoMo, I am going to try and stay away from the scary topic of THIS CYCLE. Any thoughts I may have come across as negative and so it is best to keep those thoughts pushed deep down. However, I have a confession. I have been googling successes of natural ovulation before trigger shots. I. NEED. TO. STOP.

The question for today is "What is the bravest thing you've ever done?"

I am not a courageous person by definition. I haven't fought off a man-eating zombie. I haven't defended my dog from a bear. I am scared of scary movies. I am scared of even talking about scary movies. If Jeremy shouts or screams out of nowhere, I jump.

I am not brave.

However, many people see what we have been going through the last three years as bravery. I don't necessarily see it that way because it is something we HAVE to deal with. We don't have a choice to choose the easy path. We have to travel down the scary, wooded path of infertility. Yes, I give myself shots. Yes, I have had more blood drained than a vampire's prey. Yes, I have been "wanded" more times than many women could imagine.

Brave? I don't think so. It is out of necessity that us infertiles forge on. If we stop being "brave", our dreams can't become reality. And that is not an option.


Monday, November 12, 2012

Sweats and Sharing News

Well, we are officially in our 2ww (two week wait) now. Nothing exciting will happen in awhile. So my blog will be filled with NaBloPoMo prompts like today.

However, I do have one thought. We don't expect to have news to share in two weeks...but if we do...we probably won't share it immediately. Our families and friends read this and we don't want them to get too excited or too depressed for us. We figured we would wait to make an announcement either way. That way if it does work (big if) we can share after we know everything is going mildly okay and if it doesn't work, we can bask in our sadness before allowing others to feel bad for us. Those of you that do or do not make announcements on positive or negative results immediately, why and how did you decide? I would love to have your input to help make our decision.

Now onto the NaBloPoMo's prompt asked "Where is your favorite place to blog?"

I prefer to have on sweats when blogging...actually, I prefer to have on sweats any time I can. But truly the sweats allow me to think. The comfiest locale is the best place to blog for me. It is sometimes sweats in a bed (preferably my own), sweats on the couch, sweats in the man cave (sometimes I am allowed), sweats outside on the deck (preferably in warmer, milder weather), or even sweats in our office. Common theme...sweats. It is like Sam I am but with sweats.

I can't sit in dress clothes (work clothes) to blog or really do anything. It as if as soon as I get home, the complete wardrobe must change. This is the same rationale with my blogging place as well.


Sunday, November 11, 2012

Everything a Cow Could Want

We arrived at Dr. Kim's office at 9:15am. We noticed we were one of four couples that were there for an IUI.

I am so vocal about infertility when it comes to talking about it on here, the comfort of my blog. But when I wait in Dr. Kim's office where everyone there has issues or similar issues as us, it makes me too nervous to talk. I have no idea why!

Well, today we had plenty of frustrating minutes to wait...together. So eventually the four couples moved to the same side of the waiting room and struck up conversations. At first, it was small talk: "Do you like your Kindle?" "I love your purse." "How about them Chiefs?" etc. After the boys all completed their tasks, we all went our separate ways to kill 45 minutes.

We arrived back at Dr. Kim to see the other couples all gathered to one side again. The boys talked sports, smart phone games, and hunting (this is odd considering Jeremy does hunt?). Us girls chose to share a bit of our stories. Two of the four couples were doing their first IUI. They had such hope in their eyes. They believed that this was it for them. The other couple was experiencing their third IUI. The other two worked but they miscarried.

Then there was us. I didn't want to sound too jaded of all of the screwed-upness that is our infertility life. I tried to sugar coat the craziness of the roller coaster to the hopeful newbies. I don't think I did a great job and my cynical-ness must have creeped out of my mouth somehow. You could tell in their faces that they were worried that their stories could be like ours.

Soon after those conversations, each couple was called back. I found it odd that they just lined us up room after room. The nurse literally went from room to room inseminating us all like we were heifers at Farmer Ben's farm. Jeremy and I had quite the laugh about that. I think I laughed until I cried.

On our way home, I asked Jeremy where our innocence in all this had gone...when did we change from the hopeful newbie to the skeptical pros we are now??

To be honest, I would rather be honest in our expectations than joyfully ignorant. It is better for me to know that this may not work and that is okay. The last couple times, it was a strong feeling of "this is it" and it definitely was not "it". So this time around, we know that odds are against us, especially with my natural ovulation. We are not negative though. We just know that we can't pretend that everything is going to work, not after what we have been through. We have that ounce of hope still in our back pocket and we know that God is in control.

So now I relax in my sweats for the next day. I am going into work for a half day tomorrow.


Saturday, November 10, 2012

God's Plan For Me

No one ever said that life was easy. I don't know why I expect this infertility chapter of our lives to be any different. One cycle may go the way it is supposed to and the next is screwy. I am used to it but it doesn't make it any easier.

I am trying to still remain positive about his IUI cycle. Yes, my body decided to be stubborn...again. But it isn't all lost. We go in tomorrow morning for the insemination. I have to still keep an ounce of hope in my back pocket. Without that small amount of positivity, this situation REALLY sucks.

I can't help but run through all of the disastrous probabilities. I couldn't take the Ovidril trigger shot last night because last time it caused OHSS. So I know that out of my 3 follicles, only 1 will ovulate since I am ovulating naturally. I am praying that it is the largest of the 3 that decide to drop. Then I also worry that we won't be able to jump right into another cycle in December because these large follicles are going to probably create cysts. Ugh! My mind won't shut up.

The only thing that gets me through this painful, defeated day is God. I know that although I am hurting and frustrated...He knows what He is doing. This is following His plan even though I don't get it quite yet. I really wish God could give us a road map of our lives. It would make this easier on me if I knew the end result.

Friday, November 9, 2012

UPDATED: Babies, please! Ovulation, hold on!

I have been having constant cramping since last night. I am so uncomfortable! I can't help but have flashbacks to our IVF debacle this summer. I ovulated on my own a few hours before I was supposed to trigger. It was a disaster!

 I am feeling the same way today. I am crampy and full feeling. My mind is racing and all I see is another disaster. I plan on peeing on ovulation sticks every time I pee! I did get the go ahead to trigger tomorrow night! This means I only have to wait until tomorrow night before my mind will relax a bit. I keep telling my body "Please don't ovulate yet. Please dont ovulate yet." Hopefully, she is getting the hint.

The good news is that I have 3 follicles from 16mm-19mm. I take another Gonal F shot tonight (74iu) and then Ovidril tomorrow night. So our IUI is scheduled for Monday morning. It works out great because my students are out of school that day and Jeremy is off work for Veteran's Day. But I still can't help but be a nervous wreck. I know it must be all in my head...I am just panicked that my worst nightmare will happen...AGAIN!

Last night, Jeremy prayed that I would hand this over to God. I really need to. It is completely out of my hands. If my body wants to be stupid and stubborn, worrying about it isn't going to help any. I am going to try to relax the next 28 hours and stay as positive as I can. Wish me luck on this fete!

On another note, the NaBloPoMo prompt today is such a no-brainer! "If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?"

Well, duh! I want a freaking baby! I would prefer to have a baby the way most of the population does though. I don't enjoy spending money, getting prodded with needles and wands, and the stress of infertility. I want the ease of just saying, "Hey, let's try to have a baby," and BOOM! instant pregnancy. God obviously has other plans for us, and that is fine. However, it still sucks!


UPDATE @5:50: I hate my body! Why can't I catch a break?! Predictor kit tonight says ":)". Normally a smiley face means GREAT...instead it means DISASTER. I can't believe this has happened again. I have not ovulated in two months and now that we spend money on a cycle...she decides to work at the wrong time! I am so frustrated, defeated, and sad.

Dr. Milroy is the doc on call. She recommends we do the "baby dance" tonight and go in for IUI on Sunday morning instead of Monday. She wants to pretend that I took the trigger tonight. I have my doubts of this working especially considering we don't know the exact time I started the LH surge. I know it is in God's hands but it is getting harder and harder to deal with all of this.

Why is my body so screwed?!!!!! Ugh!!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Angry Woman Coming Through

I feel like I have been perpetually angry for a week now. Most times, I don't even know why. I know that it is caused by the Femara and Gonal-F, but I still feel so sensitive. It really is like I am having a constant out of body experience. I furrow my brow, the vein in my forehead pops out, and I narrow my eyes at even the slightest annoyance.

My poor students! My poor husband! They are the ones getting the wrath lately. However, I am starting to feel a bit normal as of lately but it has been a rough week to say the least.

On the IUI front, I can feel the follicles growing. I have been having lots of twinges and cramps. I also have that full feeling. I am hoping that my labs tomorrow morning come back saying we are ready for the trigger! It will be definitely disappointing if I need more shots.

I know that we are supposed to stay positive. BUT...we have decided that if this doesn't work, we will do one more IUI cycle right after this. Our deductible for insurance has been met so they are paying for more of these expenses. Our deductible starts over in January so the more we can get done in 2012, the better. Still hoping that this one is it though!

Have any of you been tested for MTHFR (sounds horrible!)? I have read a few articles on this and am wondering if I should be tested for this? And to be honest, I am still unclear of really what this is...any info would be helpful.

Trying to NOT be so angry!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Lumpy, Hairy Belly

I had my CD 11 check-up today. I have 2 11mm follicles on my left and 1 13mm follicle on my right. I was shocked since I have only had two Gonal-F shots so far. I am usually in the single digits at this time in my cycle. So I was thrilled!

They are leaving my Gonal F injections as the same dosage (also a first for me!). I have had to go up to 300 iu for all of my cycles thus far. I can't believe I am responding on just 75iu. I go back in on Friday and the nurse seemed to think I might be ready to trigger Friday or Saturday evening for an IUI Sunday or Monday! Yay!!

My NaBloPoMo writing prompt today was "What is the last compliment that you received?"

I have got lots of overly nice compliments about my weight loss but those are not the last compliments. Jeremy is used to my weight loss so his compliments are a bit more...sarcastic.

Tonight as I was giving myself my shot in the belly. Jeremy said, "You have a hairy belly! You need to shave that!" To which I replied something not so kind. He recanted with "But your belly isn't nearly as lumpy as it used to be." He said this sincere even though he was being a total a**!

I gotta love him. We have a strange sarcastic relationship that not many people understand. It was a compliment to me, although he comes off as a complete jerk to all of you!


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Chunky Bar

Happy election day! How great is it that we have the right to vote in this country?! So many people live in worlds where they have no such right. I can't believe how many people do not exercise their right to vote! Shocking to me! Get out and vote people!

While I was at my polling location this evening, a very sweet and kind, older gentleman sat next to me. He had a king size Chunky bar next to him. It was broken in half and he ate one half. He pushed it over to me and said, "Well, little can have the rest." I politely said, "Well, thank you. Chocolate makes everything better."

Here is the chocolate in question

I quickly finished my ballot and took the Chunky bar with me. I want it known that I did not eat the Chunky bar! It was tempting, I tell you. Very rarely do I ever turn down chocolate. But the more I thought it over, the more that this seemed like the start of a bad Lifetime movie.

Old man finds naive girl in basement of church.
Old man politely gives naive girl a chocolate bar.
Naive girl takes chocolate bar.
Old man follows naive girl.
Naive girl eats chocolate.
Naive girl becomes unconscious girl.
Old man kills and dismembers unconscious girl.

(Something like that)

Well, no worries. I did not eat the chocolate. But seriously? How weird is this entire story? I have never actually taken candy from a stranger...until today.

P.S. I go in tomorrow morning for ultrasound and bloodwork. It will be CD 11.


Monday, November 5, 2012

Boycotting & Shooting Myself

I am boycotting the NaBloPoMo idea for my prompt today. It asked my thoughts on the election tomorrow. I make it a habit NOT to talk politics with anyone but my husband. It always creates so many feelings. I piss someone off or they tick my off, etc. So what I will say about the election...I will be SO glad when it is over so I don't have to see commercials, get phone calls, or see gawdy signs classing up our neighborhood.

Now...I just (literally 5 minutes ago) gave myself my first stim shot this cycle. I have never used Gonal F before but used Follistim which was similar. I had no panic attacks and no qualms about doing it. I don't know if it is something I should be proud of. "Yes, I can stab myself over and over again with needles without freaking out." What a talent?!

I am getting so excited for many of blogging friends. I love hearing that retrievals are coming up, trigger shots given, or those of you that are just starting a new cycle with me. I am thinking of you all!


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Auntie Lisa

I am used to the term "Auntie Lisa" or "Aunt Lisa". All of my friends' babies know me (or I call myself) "Auntie Lisa". This is on top of all of our nieces and nephews who I am a legitimate aunt to.

Yesterday, I became a legitimate aunt to my 9th baby! We have a new niece, Olivia, who I am dying to meet. In fact, I am making a quick post to fulfill my NaBloPoMo requirement so we can get to the hospital to meet her! She was close to being born on my birthday which would have been exciting.

I haven't had a baby niece or nephew in FOREVER! If I don't count my gorgeous, illegitimate nieces or nephews by my friends, I haven't had a baby niece on my side of the family for 12 years! Jeremy's niece (now big sister) is 9. So this baby will be spoiled rotten!

No news to report on our cycle. I took my last of the Femara last night. I do nothing tonight. Tomorrow we have our first Gonal F injection (75iu). I am worried about not responding as fast as they need me. I am gun shy after our disastrous IVF cycle where my body did strange and unusual things. I am hoping the body doesn't try and pull those shenanigans again.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

Nothing Going on Up Here

I knew that I would be challenged by NaBloPoMo and having to post every single day. But I didn't expect that it would come on the third day of the challenge. They only days I have to think about what to write are the weekends when I don't have a prompt to answer. Well I have nothing intelligent, witty, sarcastic, fun, exciting, or motivational to post today.

So I leave with someone else being one of the above. Have a great weekend!


Friday, November 2, 2012

Northwesternly Love

I am NaBloPoMo-in' it up again for day 2. The question for today is "If you could live anywhere, where would you live?"

Jeremy and I fell in love with the Northwest when we visited Seattle, WA in 2010. True love. We have picked out our house (one we can't afford. ever.), researched jobs, etc. It is probably the most gorgeous part of our country (although I am sure up for debate). I love the mountains, the sound, the city-life of Seattle, the food. All of the above. So, we always say we will retire to Washington/Oregan area.

So here is an awesome BEFORE picture of my weightloss! This is me in Seattle but with an extra 52+ pounds on me.

However, our families aren't there. Our friends aren't there. But when we win the lottery (first, we have to play), we will live there and fly home often. Because of course, our families will want to see our CHILDREN that we WILL have!

One more day on Femara and first stim shot is on Monday! IUI cycles go so much faster, I nearly forgot! Heck we could have our IUI as early as next Friday! However, I am a known late responder so I doubt it will be that soon.

For now, off to my birthday dinner with my hubster!


Thursday, November 1, 2012

Last Year in my Twenties :(

My twenties have been awesome! I had the most fun, biggest changes, greatest challenges, heartbreak, love, success, and failure. I LOVE being in my twenties. That is why on my 29th birthday today, I feel as if there is a lot to do in the next year. First thing---GET PREGNANT! That has been on my list for a few birthdays so far...still waiting. I know that 30 isn't old...but it marks me being old under fertility standards.

However, here is what I have to look forward to in my thirties:
  • I WILL be a mom
  • I WILL be a skinnier/healthier me
  • I WILL have better skin
  • I WILL be smarter, wiser ( I know it is hard to top where I am at but I bet I can try!)
  • I WILL be more in love with my hubby than I am now
  • I WILL make more money (let's hope)

So, I plan on enjoying my last year of my twenties. Yes, 3-0 scares me still. But I am positive many great things will happen in the next decade.

Meanwhile, I have decided to join NaBloPoMo. There is an icon over there on my page but it is going to truly challenge me! I need to post on my blog EVERYDAY during the month of November. This means weekends and holidays too. I have some writing prompts that will get me through the weeks.

Today's prompt asked me my favorite quotation and why. So, of course, I turned to my Pinterest page which is filled with collected quotes that I love.

I love this quote for many reasons. First of all, it applies to so many areas of life but most importantly it fits so well with an infertile's life. There are so many things we WANT in life. Some dreams we eventually give up on or change our minds. I will NEVER change my mind or give up on our dream of having children. I know that it is everything I have ever wanted. If only we had a magic ball that showed us our future...only then will this infertility all make sense.
I look forward to posting everyday this month...hopefully I can keep it up!


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Blogger Help

Ok. My comments that I make on other blogs are disappearing. They go to a SPAM folder. I am not SPAM. I am not that shady/sketchy (I don't think!) either.

Does anyone know how I can fix this? Why does Blogger not trust me? I have a Google account that I use to comment.

Any help/advice out there?

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Ready, Set, Go!

I have been so conflicted with if we even do more treatments. I feel like it was God's way of telling us to wait or to move on to adoption. AND it still could. But I wouldn't feel right about moving on until we at least tried one. more. time.

I waited (rather impatiently) at the early morning clinic at Dr. Kim's office this morning. It was so good to see the nurses, receptionists, ultrasound tech, and the phlebotomist again. They all greeted me with hugs. They are amazing! I really have missed them.

My ultrasound showed a residual follicle or in lay men's terms...a cyst. This is normal for me. I have had them at the start of every medicated cycle. Just like in the past, this little cyst isn't producing hormones so we are ready to get going! My blood work levels all look great and Dr. Kim passed on that I currently have 4 dominant follicles. Hopefully those babies will grow and grow!

I start my Letrozole tonight and take it through Sunday. This medicine causes PMS symptoms. Really bad. Say a prayer for Jeremy and my students. They may need it. I remember taking it last time and it literally made me feel like I was watching me behave as a monster but I couldn't help it. It also has been known to make me weepy. Even more than normal!

We start Gonal F injections on Monday and then back in for another scan next Wednesday. We could be inseminated as early as November 9 which is super exciting!! And also nerve-wracking. I know not to get my hopes up because even though it is fertility treatment...the chances of getting pregnant are still significantly low.

I do have faith that God will give us the family He wants for us when it is on His time schedule. But I still have faith that it will happen. I loved this quote from Pinterest, of course!

Monday, October 29, 2012

As in Tomorrow, Tomorrow? (Decision Made Part 2)

So if you haven't read "Decision Made Part 1" yet, go read that NOW here.

Dr. Kim's office called me back this morning...of course when I was in the middle of teaching. I could hear my phone buzzing inside my closet. It took every ounce of patience within me to not stop teaching and go over and answer it. I resisted and called them back during my planning period.

Judy, the not-so-friendly nurse, went over Dr. Kim's plan for this IUI. It is a great plan by the way!

Judy: What cycle day are you on?
Me: Day 2.
Judy: Great, we need you to come in tomorrow morning between 7:30 and 9:00.
Me: As in tomorrow, tomorrow? I didn't know we would start this month?
Judy: Well, we don't have to but we can. Do you want to wait till next month?
Me: Nope. Let's do this! (Inside I freak out)

So here is the issue with doing infertility treatment during the school year:
1. I have to be at work by 7:30am...Dr. Kim doesn't open for scans and blood work till 7:30am.
2. I work with kids that don't deserve the hormonal teacher that will be present during stims.

Luckily, I have amazing co-workers and great bosses that allow me to still go forward with this. So we have a system figured out where my colleagues will take my students in the morning until I can get to work. Literally...amazing people!

So now that my work buddies have taken that stress away...I am still freaking out! I wasn't emotionally or mentally prepared to start this IUI cycle this early. It was just decided on a couple days ago and now we are going in for a baseline TOMORROW! As in tomorrow, tomorrow.

I have lots of rambling worries, excitement, nervousness, etc. But I will hold my tongue for now. Now just praying that my baseline is good enough to get this thing going.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

Liebster Love...Awwww

I have been nominated for the LiebsterAward by two lovely ladies! The Liebster Award is for up and coming blogs/blog writers. I have less than 200 followers so qualify as being "new" to the blogging community. I am super excited to meet new bloggers. I do this through ICLW, stalking other infertility bloggers (ha), and even vlog challenged like Stupid Stork had this week.

Here is what I have to do to share the Liebster love...
1. I have to answer questions from the two nominators
2. I have to in return nominate 11 blogs with 200 or less followers
3. I have to give those nominations their own questions to answer

I have been following Miss Amanda @ her blog here since we both were going through our first IVF cycle in June. She is a funny and amazingly strong gal. Thanks for the nomination!
Here are Amanda's questions for me:
1) If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you want to be and why?
I answered this on my vlog and thought this question was amazing! I would be the pickle in the bottom of the jar...I would be in there longer to soak up the pickle juice and hopefully the last eaten!
2) What is your favorite holiday?
I love Christmas! I love the coziness, family time, and Christmas trees and lights!
3) If you have a bucket list, what is the most ridiculous thing on it? (Thanks Bree for the question)
I have never made a bucket list; although, I have often felt like I should have one...I
4) If you could only watch one disney movie for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why?
The Little Mermaid!! Hands down! Love it!
5) What is your favorite nursery rhyme?
Hmm...I know it is an easy choice but I am a fan of the classic "Jack and Jill". Mainly because as a kid I always enjoyed that the boy is the one who fell down the hill!
6) Do you have any pets? If no, why not?
Yes! I love them! My cat is Lola and she only gets along with me. My beagle is Bella and she is my dogger. I love her WAY too much, if that is possible.
7) Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Unsure...but I think no. I have always added blond highlights but at one point in my life, I was a natural blond...I promise.
8) What do you like to do in your spare time?
Read. My Kindle is never far from me.
9) If you could be any crayon color, which would you choose to be? (Thanks April for the question)
I want to pick something fancy like "macaroni and cheese" but I am not a fan of yellow/orange. So I am going with "clover green" I love dark, bright green.
10) What is the furthest you have been away from home and where was it?
We are lame travelers...Seattle, WA was by far our favorite locale away from home but probably not the furthest.
11) How old were you when you got your first cell phone?
Cell phones weren't huge until I was 16-17. Plus I had to pay for my own. I didn't actually get my own cell phone until I was 17. It was the big, bulky Nokia ones where I could change the face plate.
Now for Alie @ patienceisnotmyvirtue. I was introduced to her through ICLW. It seemed like there were parallels with our stories and I have loved following her posts. Here are her questions:

1) If there were one word you could choose out of the dictionary, which one would you choose to best describe yourself?
Stubborn. I have a hard time giving in and giving up.
2)What’s your biggest pet peeve?
I have a lot. But I have a lot of them dealing with basic grammar. That could be because I am an English teacher but I hate when "your" and "you're" are mixed up.
3)Throughout your journeys, what would you say is the most important lesson you’ve learned thus far?
To trust God's plan for me. There is very little I can actually do about our situation. I just have to wait to see how our life pans out.
4)What’s your favorite childhood memory?
I had a great childhood! I would say one of my favorite memories were Sunday dinners with the whole family, including my Nana who is no longer with us.
5)What’s your biggest regret?
No regrets. They have made me who I am...even the really stupid things I have done.
6)If there were anything about your life experiences you could change, what would they be and why?
Hmmm...I do wish that we weren't going through this infertility battle. I wish that we got to have a baby and family the way that most people do.
7) Tell us something quirky about you.
I hate the outdoors. I don't do lake water, bugs, trees, smelling like outside, etc. No hiking, no float trips, no mud. I am rather girly in that area of life.
8)What’s your favorite dish/meal?
It will always be my mother's mostaccioli with meat sauce, garlic bread, and salad. It has been since I was a kid and it still is. She is an amazing cook!
9)Who or what’s been your biggest influence throughout life?
My mom. She really is an amazing lady, awesome mom, and even greater friend. She has helped me (along with my dad) through everything. She is my biggest cheerleader through it all.
10) Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s the most ridiculous thing to do on it?
See my answer above. No bucket list...I always meant to make one.
 11)What do you do for a living?
I teach 6th & 7th grade English. Love it!

Now for my Liebster nominations: (Check out all of their blogs!)
Now, lastly, my list of eleven questions...I stole from some of the ones above too!
1. How do you deal with stress?
2. What is your dream vacation?
3. If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you be and why?
4. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
5. What is your biggest pet peeve?
6. If you could be a crayon color, what would you be?
7. Do you have any pets? If no, why not?
8. What is your favorite holiday?
9. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why?
10. What do you like to do in your spare time?
11. What do you do for a living?
Yay for our Liebster Award! Happy answering and don't forget to pass it on!


Friday, October 26, 2012

Decision Made! (Part 1)

So, I hope to write more later this week after figuring out specifics. But we have collected all "directions" for adoption through Christian Family Services. We have decided that adoption seems right for us. Even if we happen to be fortunate enough to have our own children, we still would like to adopt someday. As we look it all over and figure out funds, I felt like we could do SOMETHING as far as treatment.

With my horrible experience with IVF in June, IVF is out.

I never responded well to Clomid. So Clomid is out.

These supplements (Read about the supplements here) that we are both taking are obviously not working. Or they aren't working as quickly as we would have hoped. I am still not ovulating every month which is an issue when trying to get pregnant!

So...we are hopefully going to do an IUI (Intra-uterine insemination) cycle soon.

I am hoping I can get in to see Dr. Kim next week and get the ball rolling. He is out of the office until Monday. I know they will switch up my meds from last IUI because Ovidril is not my friend! It caused the OHSS and Dr. Kim said that he will not use that med again with me. I still have some Follistim left over from the IVF cycle so that will save some money too.

Onward and forward we march! Who knows if we are making the right decisions...but whoever knows?! We are both happy with our decision and so is our bank account! (IUI is about $13,000 less than IVF)


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Can We Pretend it is Monday? Video Blog

It is safe to hide behind the computer where no one can hear or see me. I become extremely vulnerable when asked to not only bear my feelings but now to give you all a face to attach to my ramblings. So thanks to Stupid Stork for creating this video blog challenge. If you want to read more about it and visit other ladies participating click here. I am stepping out of my comfort zone. We are supposed to post our videos on Monday...but I can't wait and am super busy tomorrow.

I should have spruced myself up for the video but did not. My hair is still wet from the shower. My face is jacked up because I had an allergic reaction to face cream. I am just a mess. I promise I normally look a little better than I do in this video. Just a little.

So enjoy! And be nice about how I look! I can't wait to SEE and HEAR you other girls participating in the video challenge.