No one ever said that life was easy. I don't know why I expect this infertility chapter of our lives to be any different. One cycle may go the way it is supposed to and the next is screwy. I am used to it but it doesn't make it any easier.
I am trying to still remain positive about his IUI cycle. Yes, my body decided to be stubborn...again. But it isn't all lost. We go in tomorrow morning for the insemination. I have to still keep an ounce of hope in my back pocket. Without that small amount of positivity, this situation REALLY sucks.
I can't help but run through all of the disastrous probabilities. I couldn't take the Ovidril trigger shot last night because last time it caused OHSS. So I know that out of my 3 follicles, only 1 will ovulate since I am ovulating naturally. I am praying that it is the largest of the 3 that decide to drop. Then I also worry that we won't be able to jump right into another cycle in December because these large follicles are going to probably create cysts. Ugh! My mind won't shut up.
The only thing that gets me through this painful, defeated day is God. I know that although I am hurting and frustrated...He knows what He is doing. This is following His plan even though I don't get it quite yet. I really wish God could give us a road map of our lives. It would make this easier on me if I knew the end result.