New Year is Welcome

I hate to say that I hated 2015, but it is quite possibly the worst year I've lived. Not because of my kids though.  I look back and the pictures of our year are pretty fantastic. It makes me think that maybe my year wasn't so awful after all. 

But then I  remember the family altering, heartbreaking events from April 5-June 6. My dad got sick,  fought hard and became our guardian angel.  This was the hardest loss of my life.  There isn't a day that I don't think of him. He would love watching Max and Harper grow. I feel like he has missed so much,  but I have to remind myself that he is with us.  He gets to hear Max's smart and witty comebacks.  He smiles at Harper's infectious giggle. He wraps his arms around me when I cry.  He is here with us. 

I always make some attempt at new year goals or resolutions.  Last year,  I failed.  However,  I really am ready this time.  I don't like the body I've created,  the relationship I've strained with my husband,  or the Christian woman I failed to become.

So as in year's past,  here is my list:

1. Lose weight.  For real this time.  I can't eat my feelings.  It's time. 

2. Stop saying things I don't mean.  Don't hurt others and watch my language.  I want to set a good example for my kids. 

3. Work on becoming a better partner to my husband.  Don't blame or hurt.  Just love. 

4. Heal.  Body,  mind,  soul.  It's my year of healing.  I want to say at the end of 2016 that I transformed.  It's possible.  I just need to stick with it.
 

I hope this next year is all you want and need.  It's always exciting to have a clean slate and fresh start.  Happy 2016!

A 2015 look back.  Courtesy of Flipagram.

-Lisa-

Welcome, 2015!

Any time we start a new year, I think back to when I first started this blog. I started it as part of the new year of 2012. Now three years later, here we are. I have always made some attempt at making resolutions.

My 2014 resolutions were:
"1. Thank God everyday, even when it has been a bad day. Don't just ask for things when I need them. Praise Him.
2. Find a different profession. I need a teaching break and more time at home.
3. Get healthy. Lose weight. Run more.
4. Love more. Find time to spend with Jeremy sans babies.
5. Socialize more. I love Mommy time but need Friend time too!"

Hmmm...I didn't quite meet those but I am going to reuse most of these for 2015.

I am keeping #1. I feel like I slipped up quite a bit. I am ready to get my heart and mind focused on him. 

1) Thank God everyday. Don't just ask for things when I need them. Praise Him for what I have and be thankful.

I found a new job where I am happy. It is still a teaching job but much less stress and closer to home. I even picked up an extra teaching job at a university teaching a course for current teachers seeking a Master's in Literacy or undergraduate students seeking an education degree. It was fun! I am teaching 2 courses this semester. Best part is I work from home when the babies are in bed. 

Now that I am on thyroid meds and they finally have my levels where they should be, I am ready to lose weight. I got a FitBit for Christmas and start my diet TODAY! Here is to hoping I can lose 50 pounds in 2014. 

So...2) Lose weight. Get healthy.

I still need to find the balance of mommydom and the rest of the world. 

3) Find time to be a human. This includes socializing with friends, finding a somewhat lost relationship with my husband. 

I think these resolutions are doable. I can do this!

Here is our look back over the last year (thanks Flipagram):

God has lots of amazing things planned for us all! I wish you all a very happy 2015! I love fresh starts. I feel like it is clean slate to explore the world without a record, to love with no limits, to conquer (or fail) new adventures. I am excited! 

-Lisa-

2013 Year in Review

2013 was a rollercoaster ride. It was one of those rollercoasters where you get off windblown and tossed with an upset stomach BUT you want to ride it again and again. The truth is that if 2013 ended the same way each time, I would relive it over and over again.

I haven't been able to say this about many years in the past.

We started 2013 with two little peanuts that resembled alien babies in my tummy.

I loved the feeling of being pregnant (for the most part). When I saw my belly getting bigger and bigger, I knew they were healthy.

In January, two of my favorite people got sick. Jeremy's grandparents were two of our biggest cheerleaders and prayer givers. We lost Grandma in March. Harper's middle name is after her. Then, in May, Grandpa passed away. We all miss them terribly. I am so sad that Max and Harper will not know how loving, kind, and amazing they were. I wasn't even "their" grandchild but I always felt like it.

We had to get the nursery ready. We decided to DIY. Fun times!

In May, my eldest niece got married! I know what you are thinking...there is no way I look old enough to have a niece that is 21! The 3 hour car ride being THAT pregnant wasn't comfortable or fun. We had to stop quite a bit to walk and stretch my swollen legs and ankles. I was a walking spectacle at this point too. I looked 9 months pregnant even though I had a ways to go.

I had amazing baby showers with amazing people!

School ended May 31 and I worked all the way till the end. At the beginning of pregnancy, the doctors talked like I would be on bedrest before the end of the year.

June 5 scared the crap out of me. I went to my normal doctor's appointment at 31 weeks. I had been having contractions throughout the day but thought it was just the notorious Braxton Hicks. Nope! I was in pre-term labor. They started me on Magnesium (Mag-Bag) and transported me to a hospital with a Level 4 NICU. The next three nights we spent in the hospital. The mag bag was awful and made me feel like a zombie. (Assuming I know how zombies feel.)

Thus the summer of bedrest started. Bedrest was difficult. I know, you should love being off your feet and everyone else doing things for you...but it wasn't all that fun after, say, the first hour! Finishing baby registry shopping was downright humiliating thanks to the good ol' Target scooter.

And then...we waited. No babies. I grew larger and more uncomfortable as the pregnancy droned on. I thought for sure I was going to be pregnant forever. I was still so grateful for the babies inside me but I wanted to meet them so bad! My mom felt it was important to document my largeness. I obviously did not feel the same way.

A week before they were born!

Then, the best day of 2013---JULY 11! Babies came as a surprise that morning but what a great day!

The day after we brought our bundles of joy home, we had to lose a member of our family. My baby, Lola, didn't like the babies much. We knew it would happen. She is jealous of me and doesn't like anyone or anything near me. Although it was the right choice, the sadness of having to find her a new home still haunts me. I loved her so much.

There was quite a baby boom around us too! Our church had 8 babies born in a matter of a couple months. AND Jeremy's family has had 7 babies in a year, including two sets of twins!

The rest of the year seems to be a blur. I went back to work and babies go to daycare. They have grown and their developmental milestones seem to be flying by. They are just growing too, too fast!

 My health is hopefully on the right track. I am getting help with thyroid issues even though any health scare is not fun.

We made some awesome friends, laughed, cried, prayed, rejoiced, sang (off key), danced, made memories, took pictures, and loved life.

In 2014, we are looking forward to watching Max and Harper grow and change (just hopefully the time creeps by instead of flying by like the last 6 months!).

My resolutions for 2014:
1. Thank God everyday, even when it has been a bad day. Don't just ask for things when I need them. Praise Him.
2. Find a different profession. I need a teaching break and more time at home.
3. Get healthy. Lose weight. Run more.
4. Love more. Find time to spend with Jeremy sans babies.
5. Socialize more. I love Mommy time but need Friend time too!

I pray you all have an amazing 2014. God has lots of amazing things planned for us all!

-Lisa-

Welcome 2013! I can't wait!

I have officially had this blog for a year! Last year, I wrote about my 2012 resolutions. Here was my list last year:

1. Let God's will be, I can't plan or control my life because it is HIS to control
2. Keep praying for our family but not obsess over it because it is for HIS divine purpose
3. Let stress and anxiety roll off my back
4. Love my family, husband, and friends more (I feel I have neglected them in my depression state)
5. Yes, LOSE WEIGHT. It needs to happen. I am hoping I don't give up one month in



 

 

As I look back on my 2012 (which has literally flown by!), I can see God's plan in place for us. Going through infertility and being in the trenches, it is so easy to place blame and be bitter. I was. But His plan only makes sense after something in our lives works out. We don't always see the purpose of losing our job or being turned down for an interview until we see the greatness that came from it. The same holds true for our infertility this year.

 

I didn't meet all of my resolutions for 2012. I did lose 56 pounds. Woo-hoo! I found a closer relationship with God and we found our church home. I did love more and stress less. I prayed for our family non-stop. The one thing I know I still need to work on is letting God's will be. It is hard for me to not plan my entire life; I am a planner and I have a problem giving up full control.

 

To think that at this time next year, we will have two adorable babies in our arms, makes my life feel complete. However, if I don't continue to grow as a person and as a believer, it will all be for not. So here is my new list of resolutions for 2013:

 

1. Keep praying to God and praising His name. If not for Him, we wouldn't have these two amazing miracles growing inside me.

2. Be a great Mom.

3. Serve God in all aspects of my life.

4. Be healthy and stay healthy for myself and my family.

 

 

This is a quote from my blog post back on December 31, 2011:

"Therefore, I am changing my view of infertility. I am not going to let the enemy convince me that it is something that has happened to me because God is angry with me or that He has forgotten me. Infertility has a purpose."

 

I pray that each of you can find your own peace with the cards that we are dealt. It is so easy to become bitter and angry. I was. But everything has a purpose. Sometimes we will only know the purpose by going through the crap and the muck. I pray that in 2013 you are able to enjoy life and hopefully your dreams and prayers are answered.

 

-Lisa-  

Believe

So I have started working on my resolutions for 2012. If you talk to any of my friends or colleagues, they will tell you that I am a control freak. And I am. However, I think God has given me a great obstacle to overcome through infertility. I KNOW that I can't control everything but I just WANT to control everything.

Yes, I shouldn't freak when Jeremy doesn't make the bed correctly. Yes, I shouldn't freak when a coworker switches up the order that I eat my lunch. Yes, I should allow a student teacher to come into my classroom without having anxiety attacks. However, all of the above mentioned and a list of many other oddities of my controlling nature are very true.

So by God placing this uncontrollable obstacle in my way, I am learning. As much as it hurts, I know that God has chosen me to be strong and learn from this experience. There are many great things that lie ahead of me, but hopefully I will continue to learn and grow.

On another resolution, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting tonight. I was so scared. I have never been in a situation like weighing in public and then openly proclaiming I AM FAT to 100 strangers. (For the record, I did not have to proclaim "I am fat", my presence in the room took care of that). However, I did learn from that hour of my life. It was not a waste of time and I am excited to start this journey to a thinner me. The director, Becky, kept asking the same question which yielded many different responses from the audience (I sat quietly, of course): 'What do you believe about yourself in 2012?'

Well, some of the veteran Weight Watcherians declared something about their weight (DUH!). But I was thinking more along the lines of fertility. Why can't I believe, yet again, that this was our year for family answers? It was such a great question. If you believe, you can achieve, right? So, why not?

-Lisa-