Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year is Welcome

I hate to say that I hated 2015, but it is quite possibly the worst year I've lived. Not because of my kids though.  I look back and the pictures of our year are pretty fantastic. It makes me think that maybe my year wasn't so awful after all. 

But then I  remember the family altering, heartbreaking events from April 5-June 6. My dad got sick,  fought hard and became our guardian angel.  This was the hardest loss of my life.  There isn't a day that I don't think of him. He would love watching Max and Harper grow. I feel like he has missed so much,  but I have to remind myself that he is with us.  He gets to hear Max's smart and witty comebacks.  He smiles at Harper's infectious giggle. He wraps his arms around me when I cry.  He is here with us. 

I always make some attempt at new year goals or resolutions.  Last year,  I failed.  However,  I really am ready this time.  I don't like the body I've created,  the relationship I've strained with my husband,  or the Christian woman I failed to become.

So as in year's past,  here is my list:
1. Lose weight.  For real this time.  I can't eat my feelings.  It's time. 
2. Stop saying things I don't mean.  Don't hurt others and watch my language.  I want to set a good example for my kids. 
3. Work on becoming a better partner to my husband.  Don't blame or hurt.  Just love. 
4. Heal.  Body,  mind,  soul.  It's my year of healing.  I want to say at the end of 2016 that I transformed.  It's possible.  I just need to stick with it.
 
I hope this next year is all you want and need.  It's always exciting to have a clean slate and fresh start.  Happy 2016!

A 2015 look back.  Courtesy of Flipagram.

-Lisa-

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Catch Up with Christmas

A lot has happened between my last post in September until now...but I am going to ignore my absence and move on like old friends. (I know my friends and I can be away from each other for months or years but we always are able to pick right up where we left off like there was no time gap.) That's how I feel about the blog. I want to continue to blog. I do. I just feel like the last 8 months have been difficult: sadness over Dad's illness and death, busy job, busy toddlers, etc.

 I do regret not making this space a priority. I am not going to make any promises but I do want to try and write more. It may be very therapeutic. 

I have a million things to say. But let's start with Christmas!

Christmas was a great time as a kid. I remember the excitement and anticipation. I loved our traditions and I loved the idea of Santa. Heck, I think I finally found out the truth when I was 12 or 13. I just wanted that magic to last.

That's what is great about having kids over Christmas. Bringing that Christmas magic alive to them is amazing. Seeing Christmas through their eyes makes my heart melt and it brings back that childhood magic times 100!

We tried to take the kids to any holiday event that kids would enjoy. But I have to admit, we had just as much fun as they did.

We started a new tradition of the Elf on the Shelf.
This is Ellie Doodle. She made our lives amazing for a few weeks.
They slept in (you know because we had to wait until Ellie Doodle gets back)
She made them want to actually poop in the potty because she would be so proud of them and tell Santa.
What would we do without Ellie Doodle? 

They had so much fun decorating the tree this year.
Cheesin'


I love a good crying Santa picture. They are so cute!



My whole family (all of them!) went to the Country Club Plaza for dinner and a sleigh ride. It was so much fun and a lasting memory. We need to start making new memories and traditions because Christmas is so different without our Dad.

Photo bombed on the Plaza
Weather has been so odd here. Weeks leading up to Christmas were so warm for the season. A week before Christmas, Jeremy and I were removing leaves from the yard. Crazy weather!

We made cookies to give to friends. And made cards for their teachers at school. They had so much fun!

There is a Magic Tree. It is gorgeous. 

Magical, right?

We went through the drive through park with Christmas Lights. The kids got into jammies and got to sit in the front seat.

We had to wait in a long slow-moving line for 45 minutes and they did fantastic.

We visited our train station downtown to go through Santa's train. We stayed to look at a couple giant trees too.

We then decided to make our own train. Icing was the real attraction here. 

I feel like all of these events, outings and fun were good for them. But they also took my mind off of the idea of spending Christmas without my dad. They distracted me from the deep sadness and anxiety I had. I am not sure what I would do without them. I think our whole family would have been pretty depressed without these two. They brought laughter and smiles during the holiday season. The way Dad would want. We had a noticeable hole where Dad should be. His chair, his laugh, his smile, his prayer, etc. We missed him but we also enjoyed family time. Together. The only way Dad would have it.

Christmas with Jeremy's family

Missing a couple nieces and their husbands but this is most of the crew

We love our Nonnie

Christmas morning
"Mama, Santa came!"

My fam


All 4 of us

Their smiles are really funny lately. 
A few days after Christmas, the weather changed and we finally got SNOW! I am not a huge fan of snow. These two LOVE it. I had to force them to come inside. Nonnie got them snowsuits last year and we only got to to use them once. They still fit this year and she got them these sleds. They had a blast. 



Part of the Max and Harper's present from Mommy and Daddy was their big kid beds. My sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew watched them for their first ever overnight. I was sad, but it was time. I was mainly worried I wouldn't be there when they needed me. Come to find out...they are just fine without me. Sad. But it was great to have a date night with Jeremy. We also put together their toddler beds while they were gone. That way they could come in and see them. They have been sleeping amazingly! I wish we had done it sooner. They are sleeping rock stars.


Max loves firetrucks. And Paw Patrol. We blew his mind with this one.

First night in his big kid bed.

Princess Harper's bed (this is how she refers to it)

She got a little crazy the first night. I had to move her. The 2nd night I found her on the floor at 2am. She is staying in her bed better now. 
So Christmas was pretty great. I hope to make other posts in the next couple days. I go back to work on Monday and need to make sure I am getting caught up. I hope you all had a fantastic holidays. I am now going to spend my afternoon getting caught up on reading your blogs. I haven't read in a month so I am sure I missed quite a bit.

-Lisa-