Dazed & Confused @ 11 weeks

Happy Friday, everyone!

I have tried to write a post for over a week and just now getting around to it. I am struggling with this new role as "pregnant infertile". I don't quite know how to deal with living a double life which also means I don't know what to write about.

Nearly my entire marriage has been about trying to get pregnant. It became my identity. Now, although I am ecstatic, I don't know where or how I fit that role anymore. It is a strange but also a glorious place to be in.

I feel as if I have not allowed myself to feel excited yet. Being the infertile skeptic, I am waiting for the bad news to come. Every pinch, tweak, cramp, symptom disappearing, headache, makes me think it is all over. It is exhausting! I don't sleep because when I do I dream about horrible results of this pregnancy. I am truly a basket case.

I was supposed to have my new OB appointment today. I got a call this morning that the nurse practitioner was sick and so I had to reschedule for Wednesday. This panicked me. I begged and cried to just see someone, anyone today. I just wanted to make sure the babies were still doing well. One of the doctors had an opening so I took it.

It wasn't a "real" appointment. They used the doppler to make sure everything sounded good. Both babies are still there and moving like crazy. The heartbeats were 174 and 170. She said they kept moving around so she had to keep moving the doppler. I was so relieved.

The bad news is that I am spilling too much protein in my urine. I have to admit that I haven't really been eating as much I should. I am just not hungry but I have to start forcing myself. I have gained 7.5 pounds and they want me around 11 pounds by now. So my goal is to try and feed my face as much as possible.

I started showing a bit last week. This week, I am having a hard time covering up my bump. I keep waiting for one of my overzealous 7th graders to shout out that I have got fat or something. So far, they don't seem to notice. One girl did ask why I have been wearing jackets everyday. She accepted the simple "I am cold" response and moved on. I am not brave enough to post my growing mid section for the world to see. Maybe when I look clearly pregnant and not like I ate too much McDonalds, I will post something.

Hopefully I will have some new pictures of the beans on Wednesday to post here! Have a great weekend!

-Lisa-

Mr. Bigglesworth

I have a list of things that I never expected with fertility treatments.

1. That sometimes they don't work...duh!
2. Giving yourself shots is not the worst thing in the world.
3. You cannot control emotions even when you try really hard not to be crazy.
4. You can get really sick and it sucks!
5. YOU CAN LOSE YOUR FREAKING HAIR!!!!!!!!


I have mourned and dealt with #1-4. But that #5 is really ticking me off. We finished IVF drugs and treatment at the start of July. My OHSS has been gone since the middle of July.

So why is my hair still falling out?!

I know that the hormone treatments cause hair loss. However, I am going on three months since the treatments and my hair is still falling out. It is quite significant. Although, it is not coming out in chunks...my hair is falling out by the bushel. (To be honest, I don't know what that means but it seemed to fit.)

My sister (the expert in everything hair) told me that biotin or B-12 supplements could help slow the process. So I have been popping the max limit of B-12 vitamins everyday. Still...hair is falling out. I am hoping I don't end up looking like Mr. Bigglesworth.

 

 

But, seriously, I am to the extremely concerned, starting to panic, worried about it never stopping, going to freak out state of mind. I know Jeremy is sick of finding my hair in everything. I am shedding like a dog EVERYWHERE. I can't even wear my hair down because it creates issues. If someone has any useful tips besides the biotin B-12, let me know please! And hopefully I am not the only IVFer losing my mind over losing my hair.

 

 

-Lisa-