I have been having constant cramping since last night. I am so uncomfortable! I can't help but have flashbacks to our IVF debacle this summer. I ovulated on my own a few hours before I was supposed to trigger. It was a disaster!
Well...
I am feeling the same way today. I am crampy and full feeling. My mind is racing and all I see is another disaster. I plan on peeing on ovulation sticks every time I pee! I did get the go ahead to trigger tomorrow night! This means I only have to wait until tomorrow night before my mind will relax a bit. I keep telling my body "Please don't ovulate yet. Please dont ovulate yet." Hopefully, she is getting the hint.
The good news is that I have 3 follicles from 16mm-19mm. I take another Gonal F shot tonight (74iu) and then Ovidril tomorrow night. So our IUI is scheduled for Monday morning. It works out great because my students are out of school that day and Jeremy is off work for Veteran's Day. But I still can't help but be a nervous wreck. I know it must be all in my head...I am just panicked that my worst nightmare will happen...AGAIN!
Last night, Jeremy prayed that I would hand this over to God. I really need to. It is completely out of my hands. If my body wants to be stupid and stubborn, worrying about it isn't going to help any. I am going to try to relax the next 28 hours and stay as positive as I can. Wish me luck on this fete!
On another note, the NaBloPoMo prompt today is such a no-brainer! "If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?"
Well, duh! I want a freaking baby! I would prefer to have a baby the way most of the population does though. I don't enjoy spending money, getting prodded with needles and wands, and the stress of infertility. I want the ease of just saying, "Hey, let's try to have a baby," and BOOM! instant pregnancy. God obviously has other plans for us, and that is fine. However, it still sucks!
-Lisa-
UPDATE @5:50: I hate my body! Why can't I catch a break?! Predictor kit tonight says ":)". Normally a smiley face means GREAT...instead it means DISASTER. I can't believe this has happened again. I have not ovulated in two months and now that we spend money on a cycle...she decides to work at the wrong time! I am so frustrated, defeated, and sad.
Dr. Milroy is the doc on call. She recommends we do the "baby dance" tonight and go in for IUI on Sunday morning instead of Monday. She wants to pretend that I took the trigger tonight. I have my doubts of this working especially considering we don't know the exact time I started the LH surge. I know it is in God's hands but it is getting harder and harder to deal with all of this.
Why is my body so screwed?!!!!! Ugh!!
Showing posts with label relax. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relax. Show all posts
Friday, November 9, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Just Relax...
So today was a lazy day. Instead of going, going, going like we normally do. We stopped. We relaxed. We did NOTHING. It was just what I hope my year is like. Calm. Loving. Relaxing. I walked the neighborhood with my furbaby, Bella. I cuddled up with a book, pjs, the hubby, and the couch. Although, I am a restless person and sitting still for too long makes me batty. It still helped me see what a relaxing life can be.
"All you need to do is just relax and it will happen."
Everyone gives advice for getting pregnant. Not that I don't appreciate it; I do. But in all do respect to those people, their words aren't always helpful and sometimes hurtful. I have developed a thick skin to the comments and suggestions. However, if you catch me on a bad day...that relax comment could send me into an all-out, unstoppable meltdown.
I pinned this from Pinterest. (If you haven't signed up for Pinterest, you really MUST! It is my addiction!)
"All you need to do is just relax and it will happen."
Everyone gives advice for getting pregnant. Not that I don't appreciate it; I do. But in all do respect to those people, their words aren't always helpful and sometimes hurtful. I have developed a thick skin to the comments and suggestions. However, if you catch me on a bad day...that relax comment could send me into an all-out, unstoppable meltdown.
I pinned this from Pinterest. (If you haven't signed up for Pinterest, you really MUST! It is my addiction!)
Before I was faced with this infertility life that I live, I was ignorant to some of these same things. In fact, a younger, naive girl about 8 years ago once asked a childhood friend and his wife, "So, when are you guys going to pop out some children?" I knew I misspoke by the look on their faces. I often think about that moment and hope that I didn't offend them or upset them.
As I was getting more and more knowledge from infertility books and resources, I ran across a great chapter of a book. In fact, I loved this chapter so much that I adapted it to a letter to my closest supporters. I sent this as a message to four women who are my rocks and all now happen to be mommies:
Hi guys. I love all of you very much and lean on you as my support team. That is why I am sharing this with you. I have been reading this book, Every Drunken Cheerleader: Why Not Me? In this book, the author has a whole section of rules and things for the supporters of the fertility-challenged like me. It isn’t meant to slam you for all you have done. I just thought I’d try to support you in return. The author recommends giving you the book to read but I thought her general friend rules were good. If you don’t read them, I understand but wanted you to kind of have an insight into how I feel. Love you all!!
All of the following is a quote from the book:
General Rules:
Please start listening to us.
When we come to you with our news that the cards of our fertility are a part of a hand that should be folded, you don’t need to say anything. Just take a large sigh, let your eyes fill up with tears on our behalf but don’t feel obligated to make excuses like “it will happen” or to stroke our head with proverbial encouragement. More often than not, we need someone to recognize our breaking heart, not to sew it back together. In the midst of doctors, procedures, and decisions, a woman can feel unheard. It is a much-needed refreshment to have you there to hear us. When we call you, if you could just listen to us, you will solve ninety percent of our worries. If you don’t say much, then you are less likely to say something wrong.
Don’t leave things open ended.
If you say that you are there if we need you, then be there a lot. We need you a lot. Call us, check in on us, ask us questions, stop by, invite us out. We need you in a way that is hard to communicate. You might be the one that makes our day ten times better. We don’t want fraud like understanding. Please, please don’t compare your life to ours or just because someone else you know went through this means we should get together over coffee and become well.
Be aware.
If we are together and someone just announced her pregnancy, it’s ok for you to slightly give us that knowing look. That understanding glance may be the one things that alleviates the embarrassing tears. Please make sure that look is not one of “poor you.” You know that gesture. It is the one where you lower your head, furrow your brow and make droopy eyes. It should be more a look of are you ok cause if not, I will fake a seizure right here to get the attention onto something else. Sincerity and the depth of our friendship will be the two factors that make this succeed or fail.
Save us.
If we are in a room with other moms and the only subject is pregnancy, child birth, or children, then please change the subject if only for a while, for our sake. There are 84,000 other topics in the universe that can be discussed among friends.
Be sensitive.
Be sensitive to our feelings about what is going on. It is hard to quantify with examples. Just try to be sensitive to our sensitivity as possible without being overly sensitive.
Be extra sensitive on baby shower days.
Screen the news
Don’t assume that we are ok with hearing so and so is pregnant or so and so just had her baby. Use good judgment. Don’t give us those puppy dog eyes which ask us to tell you how crappy it makes us feel. Just tell us and then move on. If we want to discuss it more, we will.
Know your audience
Create a politically correct ending to your story if you are telling a group it took you a whole six months to get pregnant. Not only is this helpful for those of us you know are already going through fertility treatments, but its good for general less known groups too.
Allow us to leave.
We would appreciate permission to leave any social gathering early and without an excuse. As one of our very best friends, you should automatically know it is because we got sad and needed the comfort of our couch and that it is perfectly fine. Don’t go after us or make a scene about it. Let us go. If we need you, we will signal you in some way. But don’t point it out to others or make an issue of it later.
All of the following is a quote from the book:
General Rules:
Please start listening to us.
When we come to you with our news that the cards of our fertility are a part of a hand that should be folded, you don’t need to say anything. Just take a large sigh, let your eyes fill up with tears on our behalf but don’t feel obligated to make excuses like “it will happen” or to stroke our head with proverbial encouragement. More often than not, we need someone to recognize our breaking heart, not to sew it back together. In the midst of doctors, procedures, and decisions, a woman can feel unheard. It is a much-needed refreshment to have you there to hear us. When we call you, if you could just listen to us, you will solve ninety percent of our worries. If you don’t say much, then you are less likely to say something wrong.
Don’t leave things open ended.
If you say that you are there if we need you, then be there a lot. We need you a lot. Call us, check in on us, ask us questions, stop by, invite us out. We need you in a way that is hard to communicate. You might be the one that makes our day ten times better. We don’t want fraud like understanding. Please, please don’t compare your life to ours or just because someone else you know went through this means we should get together over coffee and become well.
Be aware.
If we are together and someone just announced her pregnancy, it’s ok for you to slightly give us that knowing look. That understanding glance may be the one things that alleviates the embarrassing tears. Please make sure that look is not one of “poor you.” You know that gesture. It is the one where you lower your head, furrow your brow and make droopy eyes. It should be more a look of are you ok cause if not, I will fake a seizure right here to get the attention onto something else. Sincerity and the depth of our friendship will be the two factors that make this succeed or fail.
Save us.
If we are in a room with other moms and the only subject is pregnancy, child birth, or children, then please change the subject if only for a while, for our sake. There are 84,000 other topics in the universe that can be discussed among friends.
Be sensitive.
Be sensitive to our feelings about what is going on. It is hard to quantify with examples. Just try to be sensitive to our sensitivity as possible without being overly sensitive.
Be extra sensitive on baby shower days.
Screen the news
Don’t assume that we are ok with hearing so and so is pregnant or so and so just had her baby. Use good judgment. Don’t give us those puppy dog eyes which ask us to tell you how crappy it makes us feel. Just tell us and then move on. If we want to discuss it more, we will.
Know your audience
Create a politically correct ending to your story if you are telling a group it took you a whole six months to get pregnant. Not only is this helpful for those of us you know are already going through fertility treatments, but its good for general less known groups too.
Allow us to leave.
We would appreciate permission to leave any social gathering early and without an excuse. As one of our very best friends, you should automatically know it is because we got sad and needed the comfort of our couch and that it is perfectly fine. Don’t go after us or make a scene about it. Let us go. If we need you, we will signal you in some way. But don’t point it out to others or make an issue of it later.
-Lisa-
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