Showing posts with label scary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scary. Show all posts

Saturday, June 8, 2013

1st L & D Visit

We had our scheduled hospital visit set up for Monday. Babies wanted us to get the FULL experience before that.

I had my regular OB appointment on Wednesday. I had been showing signs for pre-term labor for a few days but on Wednesday the contractions that were low menstrual like cramps started. I just laid around all Wednesday until my appointment around 3pm.

At the appointment, Dr. Abney was concerned with the amount of contractions I was having so checked my cervix. I was dilated to a 1.5-2. She said I had to go over to Labor and Delivery and get hooked up to the monitors for a  bit. I called Jeremy to leave work and they brought over a wheelchair to wheel me over to the hospital portion.

Once at L & D, they had me put on the many belts to monitor babies. About an hour into monitoring, they checked my cervix again. I was then a 2.5-3 cm. The doctor from Abney's practice started going over the protocol with me. Our hospital can only deliver babies starting at 34 weeks because they are a level 2 NICU. I had to be transferred from St. Lukes Northland to the larger St Lukes about 20 minutes from our house.

From that news, everything moved so quickly. I received my first of two steroid shots for the babies' lungs. I had a catheter started. My very first one ever and it sucked! I had an IV started with a Magnesium drip. This would also become a nemesis of mine.

They warned me that I would be traveling by ambulance with lights and sirens but to not panic. It seemed like within minutes I was on the stretcher and on my way. Jeremy followed nervously behind. Both of us were so concerned about Max and Harper that I think we were in deep shock that this was really happening.

All the way to the hospital, I had hard and strong contractions. My worries were running away with me. Once at St Lukes, the L&D nurses and doctors just surrounded me and made us feel so comforted and supported. They started with the fact that babies would be fine even if they did make an early appearance. That eased our minds some. I had some awful exams that hurt like crazy. The doctor could feel Max's head and it was his head that is resting on my cervix. I was still at 3cm. No growth, which was good.

The magnesium IV was to stop all contractions. It did its job wonderfully. However, in the process it really does make you feel like a monster. All of my muscles stopped working, not just the uterus. I was nauseous, delusional, and just felt awful. The weirdness of the catheter just added to this as well. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital bed. I was on restriction of fluids because the fluid can build up in the lungs while on magnesium or the nurses called the "mag bag." So ice chips every few hours was how I quenched my MEGA thirst.

Because I was nauseous, no food for awhile either! I didn't get to have a meal until noon on Thursday. It was probably the best food I have ever tasted! Plus I got to have my first fluids as well! Woo-hoo!

Thursday night I got the second of the steroid shots for the babies' lungs. I was literally in countdown mode to getting the mag bag taken off. They would only have me on the mag bag for 24 hours after the second shot. So 5pm Friday was my D-Day.

Friday was a long day but a long day without contractions. Labor had nearly stopped and babies were doing wonderfully. I think I received about 3 hours of sleep the entire time I was at the hospital in three nights. They were constantly checking me or fixing the monitors. It was so uncomfortable.

Friday night was the greatest! The mag bag came off. The catheter came out. I needed help to and from the restroom because my muscles were so jelly-like but I could use a real toilet and they gave me a giant mug filled with iced water!!

Saturday the doctors came in thrilled with the progress. I was a 3cm still. No contractions at all. The only little hiccup is that my oxygen levels dropped while I was sleeping which causes babies' heart rates to drop a bit. No huge worry since they caught me sleeping on my back which is a no-no. Around 3pm Saturday, they decided we could GO HOME!!

Going home meant that I would still have to continue this bed rest but from the comfort of my own home. I will take it. I am exhausted and humbled by the experience. I am so glad that I have a chance to bake Maxwell and Harper a little longer. I know these extra two weeks will make them stronger and healthier. I bed...until they arrive. What a week?!


Monday, September 24, 2012

What Scares You?

"What really scares you?"

I ask my sixth and seventh graders to answer this in a writing prompt every year. However, I never really have thought about my answers. Yes, I have the blanket responses that nearly every person has for this question. But I am going to try and push myself. So...what am I scared of...

1. Bugs. Mainly grasshoppers. I love running on this shady trail in the woods. However, grasshoppers the size of my palm jump straight into me which scares the crap out of me. I have literally made a fool of myself by jumping out of their path while other runners look on in bewilderment.

2. Losing. I don't just mean in a game of Monopoly...although I really hate losing. I mean losing people. Some of the hardest times in my life have been saying goodbye. I have lost friendships, relationships, and loved ones. All of them have sucked...big time! I am terrified of losing anyone else that I love dearly.

3. Bad decisions. I am so worried that I am going to make the wrong decision in the course of life. I am constantly wondering about the what-ifs and the should-haves. That one bad decision could turn my life or someone else's life upside down.

4. Disappointment. Just like when I was a child...I hate to disappoint. I still worry about disappointing people. I hated when my parents didn't yell at was so much worse to hear "I am just disappointed." I even try to pull that with my middle school students but I don't think they mind too much! I don't want to disappoint Jeremy, my friends, my family, my boss, and most importantly...GOD! I have a feeling I do disappoint all of these at some point...but it still scares me a bit.

5. Future. The future is a scary territory. I don't know what is coming around the next turn. That's scary. I need a script and directions. Too bad God didn't want it to be that way!

I am sure there are more that I could add but here is my biggest fear of the moment:

6. Childless. I have this underlying, eat-at-you, never goes away, horrible fear of never having children. I have a fear that I will never experience that unconditional love between a mother and child. It is scary to think that my life will never involve soccer practices, birthday parties, diapers, baby smell, graduations, first days of school, toys littering our house, sweet precious baby clothes...I could go on and on...I often try and wonder how Jeremy and I will cope if we never have children. And the truth is I don't think we can. It will be the most heartbreaking, unfixable problem of our lives. For now, we struggle with IF...but what happens when nothing works? What happens when our funds are gone and we can't adopt? What happens? It is by far the most scary thing!

So...what really scares you?