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[side note] I am in the process of selling their clothes, equipment, etc in a consignment sale. Jeremy and I really did have a difficult conversation about our likelihood of having more kids. As much as I would adore more babies...we are most likely done. For many reasons. So...we are purging the baby stuff to make room for TODDLER stuff! Looking at the newborn clothes, swaddle cloths, and socks makes me tear up. I have a hard time remembering them that small. They were. I just can't fathom it now that they are SO BIG! My sister-in-law, Jeremy's sister, had her twin boy and girl on June 16. I loved them instantly, of course. It will be awesome for Max and Harper to have MORE (I think there are 5 sets total on Jeremy's side!) twin cousins. Again, though, I couldn't believe that they were so tiny. Even though they were nearly the exact size of my babes.
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I sometimes reflect on our lives pre-babies. I can't imagine what we did with our time. We must have had time to do everything on our to-do lists. I am sure our house was cleaner. I am sure money wasn't as tight. I am sure that our dog got lots of attention. I am sure that Jeremy and I a lot of alone time together. But I am also sure of one important thing...our lives were not complete and our hearts had a giant whole of emptiness that could only be filled with love for Max and Harper.
July 11 changed our entire beings. I suddenly have become a new and amazing thing: a mom. I am Max and Harper's favorite mom in their whole world! Ha! The way they look at me, still melts my heart. They need me. And oh, do I need them! They look to me for guidance on what to touch and what not to touch. They test boundaries. They test my patience (which by the way, I have also gained through them!).
Suddenly bodily fluids have become a natural thing to have in my hair, face, clothes, or even mouth (gross!). I never thought that I would get to a point where poop isn't a big deal...but also a big topic of conversation. We suddenly talk about poop a lot. Did they go? What did it look like? Are they constipated? Do they have diarrhea?
Each milestone in the last year...whether that was rolling over or taking steps...has made me feel honored to witness their growth and development. They amaze me everyday with what they know and learn.
Before the babies and during our infertility battle, I prayed a lot. I felt like I was begging sometimes. Pleading for a miracle. Then, God gave us them. Our precious miracles that we prayed for fervently for. During the last year, I watch them grow and change. I don't think I have ever been this up close and personal (or not focused in long enough) to see God's work. They are amazing. HE made them. HE gave them to us and am forever grateful that he decided to share them with us. I feel so overwhelming blessed to be their mother.
I know that this post seems convoluted but this is my brain nowadays. I can't write anymore. I used to be able to stay on topic but now I just regurgitate whatever thoughts pop into my head. So it isn't pretty, but it is my life now.
-Lisa-
