Where we are now a year later

I have been told since the babies were born one simple phrase: Enjoy every moment because it goes so fast. There were times that I doubted this advice. It was usually around 3am when I had no idea what to do and cried thinking they would never sleep. I would never sleep again. But in all honesty...this year has flown by. I have no idea how this happened.

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[side note] I am in the process of selling their clothes, equipment, etc in a consignment sale. Jeremy and I really did have a difficult conversation about our likelihood of having  more kids. As much as I would adore more babies...we are most likely done. For many reasons. So...we are purging the baby stuff to make room for TODDLER stuff! Looking at the newborn clothes, swaddle cloths, and socks makes me tear up. I have a hard time remembering them that small. They were. I just can't fathom it now that they are SO BIG! My sister-in-law, Jeremy's sister, had her twin boy and girl on June 16. I loved them instantly, of course. It will be awesome for Max and Harper to have MORE (I think there are 5 sets total on Jeremy's side!) twin cousins. Again, though, I couldn't believe that they were so tiny. Even though they were nearly the exact size of my babes. 

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I sometimes reflect on our lives pre-babies. I can't imagine what we did with our time. We must have had time to do everything on our to-do lists. I am sure our house was cleaner. I am sure money wasn't as tight. I am sure that our dog got lots of attention. I am sure that Jeremy and I a lot of alone time together. But I am also sure of one important thing...our lives were not complete and our hearts had a giant whole of emptiness that could only be filled with love for Max and Harper. 

July 11 changed our entire beings. I suddenly have become a new and amazing thing: a mom. I am Max and Harper's favorite mom in their whole world! Ha! The way they look at me, still melts my heart. They need me. And oh, do I need them! They look to me for guidance on what to touch and what not to touch. They test boundaries. They test my patience (which by the way, I have also gained through them!). 

Suddenly bodily fluids have become a natural thing to have in my hair, face, clothes, or even mouth (gross!). I never thought that I would get to a point where poop isn't a big deal...but also a big topic of conversation. We suddenly talk about poop a lot. Did they go? What did it look like? Are they constipated? Do they have diarrhea? 

Each milestone in the last year...whether that was rolling over or taking steps...has made me feel honored to witness their growth and development. They amaze me everyday with what they know and learn. 

Before the babies and during our infertility battle, I prayed a lot. I felt like I was begging sometimes. Pleading for a miracle. Then, God gave us them. Our precious miracles that we prayed for fervently for. During the last year, I watch them grow and change. I don't think I have ever been this up close and personal (or not focused in long enough) to see God's work. They are amazing. HE made them. HE gave them to us and am forever grateful that he decided to share them with us. I feel so overwhelming blessed to be their mother. 

I know that this post seems convoluted but this is my brain nowadays. I can't write anymore. I used to be able to stay on topic but now I just regurgitate whatever thoughts pop into my head. So it isn't pretty, but it is my life now. 

 -Lisa-

Update on Mommy and Daddy

Lisa:
I go back to see my thyroid doctor in a couple weeks. I wish I could give this amazing update that all symptoms have been relieved and I feel 100% again. That is not the case.

Granted, I don't feel as awful as I did before seeing Dr. Sokol back in February. I was placed on Synthroid 100mg once a day.

The one thing I was hoping this would help was my weight. I have been running or walking and watching what I am eating but still putting on weight. I have lost ONE pound! That. is. it.

I am still overly tired. My babies are not the cause of this. They sleep. I never wake up rested even after 7-8 hours.

My skin is getting better. It used to be so dry and either the medicine or the warmer weather and gallons of lotion are helping.

I am looking for a job. I should probably be panicked at this point that I haven't found anything. But I am not. Jeremy is. Ha! I put in my resignation at South Middle. I am looking for a job within education or able to use my education expertise in a non-classroom setting. I want to be able to spend more quality time with my family. I am also sick of being stressed out about work. I need a couple years to be able to be a better Mom. That is more important than being a stellar teacher at this point in my life. I am sure I will go back to teaching because I do feel like it is something I am good at. But who knows?

I have applied to a million different places. I haven't heard back from many of those. I am starting to doubt my gutsiness--(is that a word?) I know God will provide. He always does. I get paid through August. But I really would like to know what I am doing for a job after June 5.

Jeremy:

He loves his new job. He is happier. He spends more time with us. So therefore, I love his new job. I wish I could find something that made me as happy as he is. He is good at this job too. So proud of him.


I wouldn't leave a post without the babes. Here they are in their new outfits from their Nonnie and Grampa.

-Lisa-

Answers to my Big Neck, Large Thyroid, Wacky Hormone Problems

I had my BIG thyroid specialist doctor appointment last Friday. I wasn't nervous. I knew of the issues based on blood work and ultrasounds that my other doctor had already completed. 

I wrote about my initial symptoms and thyroid issues in this post. To break it down: I have put on a TON of weight in a short time since babies, I am tired all the time, I am always cold, I have extremely dry skin, and I  just don't feel like myself. Oh, and I have a GIANT neck!

Dr. Sokol is amazing! I have never had a doctor take that much time to really dig deep into my medical history. He spent an hour going over all of my past tests, charts, biopsies, ultrasounds, and listening to my stories. He explained everything as he went and made me feel extremely confident and comfortable with his expertise.

Yes, I have hypothyroidism. I will now be on Synthroid medicine the rest of my life. I will need it to regulate the thyroid gland. He made it clear that my thyroid glands were both so large he wasn't sure that the meds will actually shrink the size of them. But the meds will help with all of the other above mentioned symptoms. I already am starting to feel more like myself. I feel like I am in a better mood after only a week of taking the medication. 

I do have to get another biopsy done this spring. My thyroid gland has grown 60% in 18 months so he is a "tiny bit" concerned about thyroid lymphoma. Of course, this sucks and is scary to think about. Dr. Sokol followed this statement up with that he is nearly certain this is not the case but wants to rule it out entirely. 

One of our conversations involved Dr. Sokol mentioning that he wished I had seen him back when I was 21 and the goiter was first noticed. (I was never referred to a specialist since my TSH levels were always fine.) He said that I may have never had infertility issues and I definitely wouldn't be in the position that I am now. 

Yes, it ticks me off that this entire 4 year infertility battle could've been avoided. However, I would NEVER in a million years wish it away. Jeremy and I would not have Max and Harper without those four years of struggle. It was meant to be. I wouldn't change it. 

Now I just take my lovely, yellow pill every morning (FOR...EV...ER-imagine this in the voice from The Sandlot movie) and hope that my symptoms continue to improve. I am hoping they do. I am ready to be back!

-Lisa-

Love, Mommy

**In Max and Harper's baby books, there are special sections to write letters to your babies. I finished mine over the weekend. There isn't a large space to write in so they are shorter than I would have liked. I also realize that I repeated some of the some things in Max's and Harper's. Jeremy is working on his letters still. I didn't make a first draft and just thought of things as I went. He is a perfectionist and has several drafts in the works. I will post his letters when he finishes them.**

My dear Max,
I fell in love with you instantly and you have brought so much joy and happiness into my life. I only hope that you will continue to be a Mama's boy! You will continue to grow even though I'm never ready for that. I wish for you a lifetime of happiness. Life will not be easy. I learned this in my search for you. When life gets too difficult or you feel no one understands, God does and He is always there for you. He made you and has great plans for you. Trust in Him always. I want you to be a good boy who respects others, especially women. Have good manners when you are in school and always respect your elders. You are attractive and beautiful on the outside but it is what is inside you that really matters. Be smart! Don't be too gullible and easy to trust those that may get you to stray from your beliefs. Education is very important so never stop learning. And never think you are too smart or too good for anything. Nothing comes easy so always work hard. I love you always and forever no matter what.
Love,
Mommy


My gorgeous Harper,
I love you more than words could ever express. You are a beautiful gift from God and I thank Him everyday for you. You are going to grow even if I want you to slow down. I only want the very best life for you. However, life isn't easy. You will have experiences that make you doubt yourself and God. When life gets difficult, turn to God for strength. He always understands. He made you and has a plan. I know this through the journey to get you. Trust in Him always. Never doubt your beauty. You are gorgeous and let no one convince you otherwise. Make sure your inner beauty shows as wel because that's what counts. Always give respect even when you feel disrespected. Never let anyone convince you to sway from your values and morals. Respect yourself. Be smart and don't always trust others as they aren't always worthy of your trust. Education is important so never stop learning. But don't think you are too smart or good for anything. Nothing comes easy so work hard. I love you always and forever.
Love,
Mommy


I also created my first photo book with Shutterfly. It was free! I have about 4-5 codes for free books so plan on getting those all completed before the codes expire. This first book was about their arrival into the world. I am happy with the way it turned out. Here is a glimpse at it and if you haven't made a photo book yet...you should!!

Click link below to see our photo book and then click the front cover on the Shutterfly website to view the rest:

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/projectdetail.sfly?fid=c54918a74738ee71c9f3edf1ebadc1fb&sid=0QbtWThwzcMnNA

-Lisa-