Giving God Thanks (even for the crappy stuff!)

Happy Monday to you all!

I hope your Monday after the long weekend was as good as mine. My kids weren't horrible today. They were productive and for middle schoolers...sweet. Did I just say that? Watch, tomorrow will be awful. That is how their minds work...make me believe they are wonderful and then BAM...back to normal pre-teens! Oh, how I love them though.

Yesterday, we sat and listened to one of those mind-blowing sermons. It really hit home with me to the point I was in tears. I would open my eyes really wide hoping to keep the tears in, but there was no way I could stop them. I wish that our church had posted the sermon already because it truly was one I would share with everyone, all faiths, all backgrounds. Especially the infertile.

It was based on Thanksgiving and how along the way we have lost sight of what Thanksgiving was established for...to thank God. I mean think about it...how often do you do things for other people and you don't get accolades or thanks? It happens quite frequently and it ticks me off! I often in my passive-aggressive way will say "You're welcome" even when a "Thank you" wasn't uttered.

Well, we do that to God. Even when we look at our lives and see nothing to be thankful for...thank God because he has done everything for you and will continue to do so. Our pastor even mentioned that the not-so-thankful moments in our life we should praise and thank God because He has laid this in front of us for His purposes and Will.

I can't do the sermon justice and if I see that they post this message, I will post it here. Truly eye-opening. I have found many more moments the last 24 hours to thank God. I realized I don't do that nearly enough. I find myself asking for things instead of praising Him for what He has provided for me.

I hope you all have a great week!
(Only 4 more posts for NaBloPoMo!)

-Lisa-

God's Plan For Me

No one ever said that life was easy. I don't know why I expect this infertility chapter of our lives to be any different. One cycle may go the way it is supposed to and the next is screwy. I am used to it but it doesn't make it any easier.

I am trying to still remain positive about his IUI cycle. Yes, my body decided to be stubborn...again. But it isn't all lost. We go in tomorrow morning for the insemination. I have to still keep an ounce of hope in my back pocket. Without that small amount of positivity, this situation REALLY sucks.

I can't help but run through all of the disastrous probabilities. I couldn't take the Ovidril trigger shot last night because last time it caused OHSS. So I know that out of my 3 follicles, only 1 will ovulate since I am ovulating naturally. I am praying that it is the largest of the 3 that decide to drop. Then I also worry that we won't be able to jump right into another cycle in December because these large follicles are going to probably create cysts. Ugh! My mind won't shut up.

The only thing that gets me through this painful, defeated day is God. I know that although I am hurting and frustrated...He knows what He is doing. This is following His plan even though I don't get it quite yet. I really wish God could give us a road map of our lives. It would make this easier on me if I knew the end result.

-Lisa-

Ready, Set, Go!

I have been so conflicted with if we even do more treatments. I feel like it was God's way of telling us to wait or to move on to adoption. AND it still could. But I wouldn't feel right about moving on until we at least tried one. more. time.

I waited (rather impatiently) at the early morning clinic at Dr. Kim's office this morning. It was so good to see the nurses, receptionists, ultrasound tech, and the phlebotomist again. They all greeted me with hugs. They are amazing! I really have missed them.

My ultrasound showed a residual follicle or in lay men's terms...a cyst. This is normal for me. I have had them at the start of every medicated cycle. Just like in the past, this little cyst isn't producing hormones so we are ready to get going! My blood work levels all look great and Dr. Kim passed on that I currently have 4 dominant follicles. Hopefully those babies will grow and grow!

I start my Letrozole tonight and take it through Sunday. This medicine causes PMS symptoms. Really bad. Say a prayer for Jeremy and my students. They may need it. I remember taking it last time and it literally made me feel like I was watching me behave as a monster but I couldn't help it. It also has been known to make me weepy. Even more than normal!

We start Gonal F injections on Monday and then back in for another scan next Wednesday. We could be inseminated as early as November 9 which is super exciting!! And also nerve-wracking. I know not to get my hopes up because even though it is fertility treatment...the chances of getting pregnant are still significantly low.

I do have faith that God will give us the family He wants for us when it is on His time schedule. But I still have faith that it will happen. I loved this quote from Pinterest, of course!

-Lisa-