Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Blogger Help

Ok. My comments that I make on other blogs are disappearing. They go to a SPAM folder. I am not SPAM. I am not that shady/sketchy (I don't think!) either.

Does anyone know how I can fix this? Why does Blogger not trust me? I have a Google account that I use to comment.

Any help/advice out there?

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Ready, Set, Go!

I have been so conflicted with if we even do more treatments. I feel like it was God's way of telling us to wait or to move on to adoption. AND it still could. But I wouldn't feel right about moving on until we at least tried one. more. time.

I waited (rather impatiently) at the early morning clinic at Dr. Kim's office this morning. It was so good to see the nurses, receptionists, ultrasound tech, and the phlebotomist again. They all greeted me with hugs. They are amazing! I really have missed them.

My ultrasound showed a residual follicle or in lay men's terms...a cyst. This is normal for me. I have had them at the start of every medicated cycle. Just like in the past, this little cyst isn't producing hormones so we are ready to get going! My blood work levels all look great and Dr. Kim passed on that I currently have 4 dominant follicles. Hopefully those babies will grow and grow!

I start my Letrozole tonight and take it through Sunday. This medicine causes PMS symptoms. Really bad. Say a prayer for Jeremy and my students. They may need it. I remember taking it last time and it literally made me feel like I was watching me behave as a monster but I couldn't help it. It also has been known to make me weepy. Even more than normal!

We start Gonal F injections on Monday and then back in for another scan next Wednesday. We could be inseminated as early as November 9 which is super exciting!! And also nerve-wracking. I know not to get my hopes up because even though it is fertility treatment...the chances of getting pregnant are still significantly low.

I do have faith that God will give us the family He wants for us when it is on His time schedule. But I still have faith that it will happen. I loved this quote from Pinterest, of course!

Monday, October 29, 2012

As in Tomorrow, Tomorrow? (Decision Made Part 2)

So if you haven't read "Decision Made Part 1" yet, go read that NOW here.

Dr. Kim's office called me back this morning...of course when I was in the middle of teaching. I could hear my phone buzzing inside my closet. It took every ounce of patience within me to not stop teaching and go over and answer it. I resisted and called them back during my planning period.

Judy, the not-so-friendly nurse, went over Dr. Kim's plan for this IUI. It is a great plan by the way!

Judy: What cycle day are you on?
Me: Day 2.
Judy: Great, we need you to come in tomorrow morning between 7:30 and 9:00.
Me: As in tomorrow, tomorrow? I didn't know we would start this month?
Judy: Well, we don't have to but we can. Do you want to wait till next month?
Me: Nope. Let's do this! (Inside I freak out)

So here is the issue with doing infertility treatment during the school year:
1. I have to be at work by 7:30am...Dr. Kim doesn't open for scans and blood work till 7:30am.
2. I work with kids that don't deserve the hormonal teacher that will be present during stims.

Luckily, I have amazing co-workers and great bosses that allow me to still go forward with this. So we have a system figured out where my colleagues will take my students in the morning until I can get to work. Literally...amazing people!

So now that my work buddies have taken that stress away...I am still freaking out! I wasn't emotionally or mentally prepared to start this IUI cycle this early. It was just decided on a couple days ago and now we are going in for a baseline TOMORROW! As in tomorrow, tomorrow.

I have lots of rambling worries, excitement, nervousness, etc. But I will hold my tongue for now. Now just praying that my baseline is good enough to get this thing going.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

Liebster Love...Awwww

I have been nominated for the LiebsterAward by two lovely ladies! The Liebster Award is for up and coming blogs/blog writers. I have less than 200 followers so qualify as being "new" to the blogging community. I am super excited to meet new bloggers. I do this through ICLW, stalking other infertility bloggers (ha), and even vlog challenged like Stupid Stork had this week.

Here is what I have to do to share the Liebster love...
1. I have to answer questions from the two nominators
2. I have to in return nominate 11 blogs with 200 or less followers
3. I have to give those nominations their own questions to answer

I have been following Miss Amanda @ her blog here since we both were going through our first IVF cycle in June. She is a funny and amazingly strong gal. Thanks for the nomination!
Here are Amanda's questions for me:
1) If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you want to be and why?
I answered this on my vlog and thought this question was amazing! I would be the pickle in the bottom of the jar...I would be in there longer to soak up the pickle juice and hopefully the last eaten!
2) What is your favorite holiday?
I love Christmas! I love the coziness, family time, and Christmas trees and lights!
3) If you have a bucket list, what is the most ridiculous thing on it? (Thanks Bree for the question)
I have never made a bucket list; although, I have often felt like I should have one...I
4) If you could only watch one disney movie for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why?
The Little Mermaid!! Hands down! Love it!
5) What is your favorite nursery rhyme?
Hmm...I know it is an easy choice but I am a fan of the classic "Jack and Jill". Mainly because as a kid I always enjoyed that the boy is the one who fell down the hill!
6) Do you have any pets? If no, why not?
Yes! I love them! My cat is Lola and she only gets along with me. My beagle is Bella and she is my dogger. I love her WAY too much, if that is possible.
7) Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Unsure...but I think no. I have always added blond highlights but at one point in my life, I was a natural blond...I promise.
8) What do you like to do in your spare time?
Read. My Kindle is never far from me.
9) If you could be any crayon color, which would you choose to be? (Thanks April for the question)
I want to pick something fancy like "macaroni and cheese" but I am not a fan of yellow/orange. So I am going with "clover green" I love dark, bright green.
10) What is the furthest you have been away from home and where was it?
We are lame travelers...Seattle, WA was by far our favorite locale away from home but probably not the furthest.
11) How old were you when you got your first cell phone?
Cell phones weren't huge until I was 16-17. Plus I had to pay for my own. I didn't actually get my own cell phone until I was 17. It was the big, bulky Nokia ones where I could change the face plate.
Now for Alie @ patienceisnotmyvirtue. I was introduced to her through ICLW. It seemed like there were parallels with our stories and I have loved following her posts. Here are her questions:

1) If there were one word you could choose out of the dictionary, which one would you choose to best describe yourself?
Stubborn. I have a hard time giving in and giving up.
2)What’s your biggest pet peeve?
I have a lot. But I have a lot of them dealing with basic grammar. That could be because I am an English teacher but I hate when "your" and "you're" are mixed up.
3)Throughout your journeys, what would you say is the most important lesson you’ve learned thus far?
To trust God's plan for me. There is very little I can actually do about our situation. I just have to wait to see how our life pans out.
4)What’s your favorite childhood memory?
I had a great childhood! I would say one of my favorite memories were Sunday dinners with the whole family, including my Nana who is no longer with us.
5)What’s your biggest regret?
No regrets. They have made me who I am...even the really stupid things I have done.
6)If there were anything about your life experiences you could change, what would they be and why?
Hmmm...I do wish that we weren't going through this infertility battle. I wish that we got to have a baby and family the way that most people do.
7) Tell us something quirky about you.
I hate the outdoors. I don't do lake water, bugs, trees, smelling like outside, etc. No hiking, no float trips, no mud. I am rather girly in that area of life.
8)What’s your favorite dish/meal?
It will always be my mother's mostaccioli with meat sauce, garlic bread, and salad. It has been since I was a kid and it still is. She is an amazing cook!
9)Who or what’s been your biggest influence throughout life?
My mom. She really is an amazing lady, awesome mom, and even greater friend. She has helped me (along with my dad) through everything. She is my biggest cheerleader through it all.
10) Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s the most ridiculous thing to do on it?
See my answer above. No bucket list...I always meant to make one.
 11)What do you do for a living?
I teach 6th & 7th grade English. Love it!

Now for my Liebster nominations: (Check out all of their blogs!)
Now, lastly, my list of eleven questions...I stole from some of the ones above too!
1. How do you deal with stress?
2. What is your dream vacation?
3. If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you be and why?
4. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
5. What is your biggest pet peeve?
6. If you could be a crayon color, what would you be?
7. Do you have any pets? If no, why not?
8. What is your favorite holiday?
9. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why?
10. What do you like to do in your spare time?
11. What do you do for a living?
Yay for our Liebster Award! Happy answering and don't forget to pass it on!


Friday, October 26, 2012

Decision Made! (Part 1)

So, I hope to write more later this week after figuring out specifics. But we have collected all "directions" for adoption through Christian Family Services. We have decided that adoption seems right for us. Even if we happen to be fortunate enough to have our own children, we still would like to adopt someday. As we look it all over and figure out funds, I felt like we could do SOMETHING as far as treatment.

With my horrible experience with IVF in June, IVF is out.

I never responded well to Clomid. So Clomid is out.

These supplements (Read about the supplements here) that we are both taking are obviously not working. Or they aren't working as quickly as we would have hoped. I am still not ovulating every month which is an issue when trying to get pregnant!

So...we are hopefully going to do an IUI (Intra-uterine insemination) cycle soon.

I am hoping I can get in to see Dr. Kim next week and get the ball rolling. He is out of the office until Monday. I know they will switch up my meds from last IUI because Ovidril is not my friend! It caused the OHSS and Dr. Kim said that he will not use that med again with me. I still have some Follistim left over from the IVF cycle so that will save some money too.

Onward and forward we march! Who knows if we are making the right decisions...but whoever knows?! We are both happy with our decision and so is our bank account! (IUI is about $13,000 less than IVF)


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Can We Pretend it is Monday? Video Blog

It is safe to hide behind the computer where no one can hear or see me. I become extremely vulnerable when asked to not only bear my feelings but now to give you all a face to attach to my ramblings. So thanks to Stupid Stork for creating this video blog challenge. If you want to read more about it and visit other ladies participating click here. I am stepping out of my comfort zone. We are supposed to post our videos on Monday...but I can't wait and am super busy tomorrow.

I should have spruced myself up for the video but did not. My hair is still wet from the shower. My face is jacked up because I had an allergic reaction to face cream. I am just a mess. I promise I normally look a little better than I do in this video. Just a little.

So enjoy! And be nice about how I look! I can't wait to SEE and HEAR you other girls participating in the video challenge.

Welcome all from IComLeavWe!

This is now my SECOND time participating in ICLW. I am more excited now because I know what it is and how great it is to meet and follow so many fellow infertiles. Here is our basic breakdown:
TTC since June 2009
Tried Clomid for 6 months...miscarriage
IVF...started all meds, nothing went right...I was cancelled, then back on, then cancelled the night before retrieval it with IVF attempt so badly that I was in hospital and laid up for a few weeks
Now...we wait. Our funds are gone, our optimism has taken a blow, we are scared, all the while still wanting a baby in our arms. I wish we looked more like this "Ideal Infertile Couple"
I have been bad about posting regularly lately because life has gotten in the way of my blog! I can't wait to meet all of you via blogs. Peruse my blog please. I just started the blog in January and it has become so therapeutic to write down my rants, sadness, and joys.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

"It Isn't Fair"

Hello blog community! Again, I have been super busy and have neglected the blog. I am going to try to do better but life has got in the way. See updates at the end of the post to see what I have been up to.


Ok. So here was a real life conversation I overheard in the crowded hallways of Raytown South Middle School today.

Students #1: I cannot believe that we have to do that assignment. It is too hard and it is due tomorrow!

Student #2: I know. It isn't fair. But sometimes life isn't fair, you know?

Student #1: Yep. Life sucks. Oh, well.

(At this point, I am giggling to myself.)

I don't think they realized I was listening to their pre-teen worries. If I could have commented, I would have said, "Oh, you guys have no idea how unfair life really is."

I remember my parents always responding with "Life isn't fair" when I complained about how unfair their rules were. Boy, were they right!

We (including my infertile bloggers) spend thousands of dollars on a baby that teenage drug addicts (okay, an exaggeration) get on accident. We can afford the family...they cannot. We WANT the many do not. It isn't fair.

I work my BUTT off at work while others do not and make MORE than me! It isn't fair.

I have to diet and exercise to lose weight while others can eat McDonald's everyday and not gain a pound! It isn't fair.

(I could go on and on and on, but then I would forget to make a point.)

And I do have a point.

Although life is unfair in so many aspects. Life is SO great too. I am blessed (something beyond just 'fair') to have my husband, family, friends, co-workers, and my faith in God. I am blessed in so many areas of life. I often wonder if I would have cracked a long time ago without the sanity that those individuals bring me. So, yeah, life sucks sometimes. But I also realize that life is pretty awesome too. I know that this infertility chapter will come to an end at some point and then life will suck just a little less. ;)

Ok. So I did have a part-time job opportunity at Sylvan Learning Centers. But then realized that I have NO TIME in my life for a part-time job. My full time job has been keeping me plenty of busy and stressed on its own. I was getting the job to pay off our medical bills from the OHSS and IVF this summer, but the bills will still be there whether I get another job or not.

My class reunion was AWESOME! It went off without a hitch and I was so grateful to get to spend that time with all of them.

I love this pic from reunion and my friend in it!
No words for my expression...

Our Class
I have (technically) met my weight loss goal! I have lost 51 pounds!!!!!! What?! I know. It is crazy to think that back in January I was 51 pounds heavier. I went from a size 14 to a size 6 and even sometimes a 4! Craziness, I tell you. Now that I am (technically) at my goal, I changed my goal to 5 more pounds. And then I might change it again. I am hoping that the weight loss will help with our infertility but even if it doesn't...I feel awesome! I have more confidence and tons more energy!

Jeremy and I still have no idea what to do as far as having babies. We were going to wait for May and do another IVF so we have our debt from the last one paid down. But now...we are thinking of adoption paperwork. While getting adoption paperwork together, we may throw in a few IUIs while we wait. Who knows! These are just random thoughts/conversations that we have been having recently. I do think that we are hesitating on doing IVF again. I am scared. I was SO sick with OHSS and I don't want to go back to that point again. It was the worst time ever! Remember it here: OHSS aftermath and here: OHSS!! So we are unsure of where to go from here...but it will be an adventure either way.


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Feeling Nostalgic

My 10 year high school reunion is TONIGHT! I think I would be looking forward to it more if I wasn't on the planning committee. I am going to be so glad when it is over so I don't have to worry about it anymore!

This was me back in 2002:
Can we just talk about this picture for a minute? First of all, why am I wearing an over sized Old Navy T-shirt? I was skinny, but thought I was fat. I wish I could be that fat now! Why did I wear my boyfriend's class ring around my neck? So I was claimed by him? Just crazy.

I went to a small high school in a small town 30 miles south of Kansas City. I would never take back growing up there but I will never go back. Many of my friends said that too but they are gradually moving back to raise their families in good ole Pleasant Hill. Key word: families. Since my family consists of Jeremy, our cat Lola, and our dogger Bella, I don't think our furbabies need to be raised in PHill.

I graduated with 126 other people. All different, but somehow all the same. Our class wasn't diverse. We all had similar family situations and for the most part all looked the same.

However, without that experience of a small town, I wouldn't have lived my life the way that I have. I wouldn't have the AMAZING group of friends that I do. We have all known each other for most of our lives and still are close. Now our husbands are friends. It is so great!

So, I am excited to see everyone tonight. I know I will have a great time catching up with people I haven't seen in over a decade.


Monday, October 1, 2012

Ramblings of an AF mind

I am swamped at work. It seems like I am always playing catch-up. I am barely keeping my head above water (or above the pile of grading!). So...I haven't been posting on a regular basis.

I did want to share some updates and some crazy ramblings.

First, Aunt Flow showed up yesterday. At this point, I am so used to seeing her. I wish she would take a 9 month or so vacation! I feel that September was another wasted month. Obviously, the supplements are working. Obviously, my body isn't working. Obviously, IT SUCKS!

Second, we started a small group Bible study with seven other people from our new church. It was awesome! I am excited to get to know them. I am wondering when we should tell the rest of the group about our infertility. Or do we? I know that it will naturally come up. We are using the study called GodQuest. It is all about figuring out what we need from God and what God needs from us. So I am sure we will eventually share that part of our life.

Third, the sermon yesterday at church was on Hannah. I cried through some parts. No one knew because we had church in the park and I had my sunglasses on. I love that Jeremy knew and just gently caressed my back with his hand. I love that man!

Fourth, I have been feeling so gosh-darn frustrated lately. I know part of that has to deal with Aunt Flow. But the truth is...I am so sick of waiting for a baby! I am growing more and more impatient. I can't decide if we do another IVF or adoption. I just want a freaking baby already!

I am hoping to have a "real" post that isn't filled with hormone-raging rants or rambling updates later this week. So look for that!