17 weeks of worry

After infertility and loss, I am still struggling with the idea that this pregnancy may deliver two healthy babies. Most days, I feel so excited about the babies and other days I feel so worried that something could still happen. It is horrible to have those kinds of days.

Earlier this week, I had cramping and spotting. I nearly lost my mind! I was at work and in the middle of teaching students. Luckily, I work with amazing people who took over for me so I could make an emergency run to the doctor. The ultrasound showed two healthy, bouncing, flipping babies. They couldn't be more healthy, in fact. They think the bleed could be caused by a couple of things but none they are concerned with. They will monitor me closely in the next couple of weeks. The spotting has nearly stopped now, so that is great news!

I think incidents like this bring the idea to the forefront of my mind that this pregnancy could still have issues. I pray everyday for the health of these precious babies. I know that worrying constantly isn't going to do any good. I am doing the best that I can to take care of me and them. God is in control and His Will is in full effect. It is still so hard to hand all of that over to Him everyday, but I am getting better.

We do find out what Baby A and Baby B are!! I can't wait until Wednesday when we hopefully get a glimpse of their "goods." I hope they cooperate because we need to know. I have a strong feeling that it is two girls. I have had dreams that they are girls. Jeremy really thinks we are getting one of each, which would be awesome! I don't think either of us care too much though!

I have cleaned out the nursery closet. Currently that room is our office and it is filled with everything! I can't believe we had all of that junk shoved into one closet. We wound up pitching two garbage bags filled with old papers and documents that we no longer needed. It feels good to start a project for the babies. I am really looking forward to my Spring break when we will start painting the nursery and putting things together.

I will update the blog next week when we find out genders! I promise. I am also thinking of new titles for my blog. (Still) Trying to Conceive doesn't seem to work anymore. I want to still honor our infertility but also our joy to the ending we have been blessed with. Any ideas for titles? I am kind of stuck.

-Lisa-

I Feel Like...

First of all, I feel like I am getting the shaft when it comes to ultrasounds. When I was with my RE, Dr. Kim, I had an ultrasound every week. I haven't seen MY BABIES for four weeks! I have heard heartbeats a couple of times, but not SEEN them. And I won't see them until our 20 week gender scan in...wait for it...7 more weeks!

I know that twins nowadays are more normal than they used to be. I know that I am not necessarily "high risk" but I just feel like I am being treated like a regular pregnancy so far. Maybe that is how it should be...I don't know. I am new at this whole pregnant thing. I have appointments every four weeks until we hit 20 weeks. Then the plan is to have appointments every two weeks.

So my question to you guys (the wiser ones), is this normal?? Am I just worried for nothing? I know I got spoiled with Dr. Kim but I just feel like I should see them on the screen. By the time 20 weeks hits, I won't have seen them for nearly 12 weeks!! That is insane!

I have questioned them multiple times but they said since they can find the two heartbeats and they are healthy heartbeats that I don't need an ultrasound. But I want one!

We turned down the NT scan. I know we could have seen them then but it really isn't as accurate with twins and to be honest, it doesn't matter to us. We aren't going to terminate the pregnancy so we are fine with that choice.

So, sorry for the rant. But I am concerned that I am not seeing them as much as I should. So please let me know if this is normal or not.

-Lisa-