Are We There Yet?

I am over 36 weeks now! And...HUGE! I had only gained 55 pounds until last week when I gained 14 pounds of fluid in one week! Now I am a swollen, Michelin man-like preggo! Luckily I am back on bed rest because if I went out in public, I would be a spectacle. People just stop and stare at my largeness.

I have to remind myself that there are TWO over six-pound human beings in there! However, this post is going to be an honest post about what it is really like carrying twins. Although, I am truly ELATED over the impending births...carrying twins is not easy.

I don't want you to think I would take any of this away.

I had such an easy pregnancy up until the pre-term scare at 31 and a half weeks. Since then, I think I and everyone else has expected these babies to appear earlier than expected.

Bed rest has really sucked. I was on strict bed rest from 31.5 weeks-34.5 weeks. Then I was doing great! I was able to get out of the house. Clean the house, do the laundry, etc. Last Tuesday, that all stopped again.

I felt so nauseous and dizzy on Tuesday. I ran to CVS and checked my blood pressure. It was really high! I called Labor & Delivery and they had me come in. They were extremely concerned about pre-eclampsia. However, they got my bp under control, lab work came back okay, and there was just a trace of protein in my urine. What did happen Tuesday night...I dilated from a 4cm to a 5cm! I thought for sure I was going to go into labor or they would keep me to induce. NOPE! I was sent home.

I had a scheduled appointment the next day. This is where we found out the 14 pounds of fluid gain. I still had high blood pressure so was escorted to L & D again! Again, bp slowly went down with resting on my left side. More lab work was done and came back okay. I had to schedule another appointment for Friday.

Friday came and surprise, surprise...I had protein in urine and high blood pressure! L & D...here I come (again!). I was there for most of the morning. They mentioned a 24 hour urine collection that could help them make the decision whether to induce right away or wait a bit.

Throughout the 24 hour collection on Friday, Jeremy kept begging for protein so we could get this show on the road. However, on Saturday's visit to L & D (again), there was just below what was needed to be considered severe enough to induce labor.

I do not have pre-eclampsia (which is good) but I am on modified bed rest for gestational hypertension. I have to monitor bp, protein in urine, and fluid gain. I still get wicked headaches, dizziness, and nausea but as long as it doesn't get worse...I am okay.

So the last week has pretty much made me more miserable than I was before. I literally have cried every night just praying to not be pregnant anymore.

1. It hurts to move. Either the belly is sore or the pelvic pressure is so bad.
2. I have to pee every 30 minutes thanks to the babies dropping.
3. Sleep. What is that? I sleep at max 40 minutes at a time.
4. Headaches. Awful headaches like I have never had before.
5. Anxiety. I have no idea when they are coming or how...the fear of the unknown scares me.
6. Disgusting things like: hemorrhoids, mucus plugs, etc.

All worth it to see those babes in a week or two!

Doctor is supposed to schedule the induction date when I go in on Wednesday. I am hoping she takes the specialist's advice and induces me this coming weekend. We shall see!

-Lisa-

One Year

You hear the saying "What a difference a year makes?!"

Well, it is SO true!

Last night, Jeremy and I were daydreaming about meeting our babes. We get super excited when we think about what they will look like, what they will want to do in life, what activities they will participate in, and how much they will love each other and us. In our daydreams, we also realized where we were nearly exactly a year ago.

We lost our IVF chance on June 22, 2012...here is the heartbreaking blog post: Click here. Then on this very day (June 27) I wrote about suffering with OHSS: Click here. What's crazy is that I spent most of June taking it easy and staying on couch rest...fast forward to June 2013 and I have spent most of it on bed rest.

The only difference is that now we are awaiting our precious miracles arrival. What a difference a year makes?!

It really starts to put God's plan for us in perspective. Last year at this time, I was so disappointed. I thought that God had His plan for us all wrong. I couldn't believe that we weren't meant to be parents. I felt guilty for not allowing Jeremy be a dad. I was in a place of defeat.

But God didn't forget us. He had a plan for us all along. And now God has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams with a precious little boy and beautiful little girl. Now...if only He could speed up this process so we can finally meet them in person!!

Update: At my doctor's appointment yesterday, I found out I am progressing. But still no labor! I am nearly 4cm, 90% effaced, and at a -2 station. Many women are in labor at this point...but not me! My doctor said it could be days or...WEEKS! I am so excited to meet them I can hardly stand it. The latest that I will have to wait is around July 17 when I will be induced. I am hoping they decide to come on their own before that though. There are so many people that love these babies already and they are also so anxious to meet them.

Good things come to those who wait! We waited four years for these babies...I think we can wait a few more weeks if we have to!

-Lisa-

Waiting...waiting...waiting...

I knew I was an impatient person. Fertility treatments and all the WAITING drove me crazy.

Now, I am excited. And the anticipation of Max and Harper's arrival is wearing on me. I want to know when they are going to arrive and HOW.

Will they be June or July babies? Will they be healthy enough to come home with me instead of staying in NICU? Will I have a smooth labor? Or will I need a C-section?

All things I wish I knew the answers to. But just as God has taken care of us and blessed us. He will continue to follow the plan He has in place for us. The babies will come right when they are supposed to and God will watch over them.

I just wish I could see their beautiful faces now. I wish I could hold them, cuddle them, smell them (don't judge babies smell good), and kiss their cheeks.

I am so ready and excited to be a Mommy. I know I have less than 3 weeks as a maximum but I really want them to come sooner than later...just the selfish side of me!

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and looking forward to hearing if my cervix is progressing or not.

-Lisa-

The State of My Cervix & Baby Poll

I thought for sure that with the twins throwing me into pre-term labor that it meant they would definitely deliver sooner rather than later.

I am thinking that is false.

I have been having contractions (about 2-3 an hour) and my cervix hasn't budged. I am still 3cm dilated and 80% effaced. Those are the same measures as last Thursday.

I have heard that the "mag bag" can really halt the cervix from changing. So now my bed rest days are filled with panic as I envision having to carry these heavy babies for 4 more weeks! Dr. Abney will not induce me until 38 weeks.

On one hand, I know how awesomely healthy Maxwell and Harper will be if they wait till 37 or 38 weeks. On the other hand, I know how extremely miserable the next few weeks will be!

My belly is so heavy. I was taken off of strict bed rest (Woo-hoo!) and placed on moderate bed rest which means I can at least stand or walk a bit more. However, anytime I stand or walk the immense amount of pelvic pressure tells me to sit down.

So...we wait. Jeremy reminded me last night how long we have waited for these precious babies. This month marks 4 years that we have tried for a family. If we can wait 4 years...we can surely wait 4 more weeks. Yes, I may be uncomfortable and at times it may be unbearable, but they are coming. We will get to hold them in our arms. I am just so darn impatient!

Also, my blog friend, Amanda, is expecting twins right before us. She started a baby pool and gave me the idea to do the same. So here is the website and some info. Go put in your guesses!!

It will be fun to make a guess of their weights and arrival dates. No dates after July 21 as I will be induced by then (and good Lord hopefully out!). Baby A is the boy and last weighed 5 lbs on Wednesday. Baby B is the girl and last weighed 4.13 on Wednesday. Good luck!! The game's name is TheSickelTwins.

http://www.expectnet.com/logingame.php?game_name=TheSickelTwins

-Lisa-

Guilty on Bedrest

I have wanted this for SO long!

I have wanted to feel life inside of my belly...and I can. They don't have large movements anymore because I imagine it is pretty cramped in there now. But I can feel them.

I have wanted to be a mom more than anything.

This is why I feel so horrible having these feelings...

I AM MISERABLE! I am so large and so uncomfortable. Carrying around this belly is no easy fete. I have now officially gained 55 pounds!!!! Nobody tells you that the end of pregnancy really isn't fun. Every time I move, I have pain or pressure. I don't sleep more than two hours at a time either because of contractions, getting up to pee, being so HOT, or just plain uncomfortable!

I want these babies out of here! I know that it is early but I sometimes have these feelings that they need to be evicted. I want the best for them I really do. But on the other hand, it would be great to not be pregnant anymore AND I want to meet them!!

Ok...I am glad I got that off my chest.

Now I feel guilty. The truth is...I would never in a million years wish away these pains and discomfort. I would rather feel these pains for another year than to go through the pain of fertility treatments again. That is why I feel guilty complaining. I know the pain of the unknown and it is MUCH worse than the pain of these last week(s) of pregnancy.

I am 33 weeks now. I have made it nearly two weeks past the pre-term labor scare! I had another scare last Thursday where I was back in Labor & Delivery. The contractions got under control and I was able to go back to bedresting.

33weeks 2 days

On Saturday, we are 34 weeks and they won't try to stop labor. I just know that with all of the drama that Max and Harper have created...they will now want their mommy to wait another few weeks. Induction or C-section will be at 37 weeks but I am really hoping to go into labor anytime after Saturday. The sooner the better. I can hardly wait to hold them in my arms.

Their nursery is ready. Our house is ready. Their clothes and blankets are washed. Items are purchased. WE ARE READY! Come on babies!

-Lisa-

Baby Showers Oh My!

Baby showers are a very normal step in the process of preparing for a first baby (or babies in our case). However, for an infertile...baby showers have always been such painful experiences. Granted, I have always been happy for my friends who now have beautiful children. But a shower was one of those occasions where my desire for children was thrown in my face.

It was so hard to sit through the games, the tiny décor, and the adorable baby items. Luckily, the cake seemed to take some of the sting away!

There were times that I backed out of baby showers because of the overwhelming sadness. There were times that I slipped out early.

BUT...for once these were showers for OUR babies! It didn't make it any less emotional for me though. My first shower was with Jeremy's family, my family, and family friends. My sister, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and mom all helped throw the shower.

My sister & me

With my mom

Write on a diaper and feed the piggy banks

The adorable cake!

The mints

The setup

The Loot

My sister, me, my mom

My sis, me, Mom, my sister-in-law 

It was such a great day! I held it together while at the shower but on my drive home...I lost it. I think it hit me that I just had a baby shower...for me! I spent years thinking (and believing) that I would never be pregnant, that I would never be a mom, that I would never have a baby shower. I bawled like a baby all the way home. I literally sobbed. I could have blamed it on the pregnancy hormones but the truth was...I was so happy that I didn't know how else to react to the generosity and support of the lovely ladies that were there with me.

My friends threw me my next shower. It was equally as emotional but again I kept my composure. I have been to their baby showers to celebrate their beautiful babies and they have been SO supportive through our entire process. They cried with me, prayed with me, and always found a way to make me forget about our lack of children even if for a brief time. They are the greatest friends EVER!

Great food!!

So great to hang out with friends!

The Loot!

We are missing one great friend who left but here are my friends for life! Many we have been friends for our whole lives!

The beautiful moms that have raised us and have also been 2nd moms to me!

My camper Alicia and her baby

Jeremy's work also gave us a shower but I don't have many pictures of the event! My work collected money for a gift card.

Moral to this story...we are BLESSED! So many people have supported us and still support us as we embark on this new journey called parenthood. I LOVED every bit of every shower.

-Lisa-

Twins Stroller (Baby Jogger City Select)

I figured while I am on bedrest and not able to do much of anything...I might as well catch up on the blog. So you will most likely see more posts that I have been meaning to do for weeks and haven't found the time.

My mom bought us the most BA stroller ever. It got great reviews on the twins blogs that I read and it is just awesome! It is a Baby Jogger City Select. It comes with the attachments for a double seat and also holds two infant seats.

We don't have the regular seats attached since we will be using the infant seats exclusively for awhile. Here is our stroller with the two infant seats (we have Britax infant seats but they work with BabyJogger).

Sorry for the mess in the picture. Our basement is where we are keeping baby stuff we don't know what to do with yet.

This stroller has so many options. Here are some pictures to show all of the different possible combinations.

With the seats that we have to add when finished with the infant seats.

 

It also folds up really easily.

We (by we, I mean Jeremy) is taking our infant seats and bases to get inspected and installed tomorrow. The doctor said I could still drive myself to my doctor's appointments and even attend my baby shower on Wednesday as long as I was sitting.

 

I am hoping I start to feel normal soon. The "mag bag" has completely made my body feel like I have ran a marathon. My belly is sore, my legs are sore, I am having a hard time taking deep breaths. So I am really hoping that in a couple of days the magnesium sulfate has worn off and I can go back to feeling somewhat normal.

 

This bedrest thing is going to be really difficult for me.  I am used to getting things done and not just sitting around. But I will! I want Maxwell and Harper to be healthy when they are born and if that means I am miserable for another couple of weeks...I will happily do it for them!

 

-Lisa-

1st L & D Visit

We had our scheduled hospital visit set up for Monday. Babies wanted us to get the FULL experience before that.

I had my regular OB appointment on Wednesday. I had been showing signs for pre-term labor for a few days but on Wednesday the contractions that were low menstrual like cramps started. I just laid around all Wednesday until my appointment around 3pm.

At the appointment, Dr. Abney was concerned with the amount of contractions I was having so checked my cervix. I was dilated to a 1.5-2. She said I had to go over to Labor and Delivery and get hooked up to the monitors for a  bit. I called Jeremy to leave work and they brought over a wheelchair to wheel me over to the hospital portion.

Once at L & D, they had me put on the many belts to monitor babies. About an hour into monitoring, they checked my cervix again. I was then a 2.5-3 cm. The doctor from Abney's practice started going over the protocol with me. Our hospital can only deliver babies starting at 34 weeks because they are a level 2 NICU. I had to be transferred from St. Lukes Northland to the larger St Lukes about 20 minutes from our house.

From that news, everything moved so quickly. I received my first of two steroid shots for the babies' lungs. I had a catheter started. My very first one ever and it sucked! I had an IV started with a Magnesium drip. This would also become a nemesis of mine.

They warned me that I would be traveling by ambulance with lights and sirens but to not panic. It seemed like within minutes I was on the stretcher and on my way. Jeremy followed nervously behind. Both of us were so concerned about Max and Harper that I think we were in deep shock that this was really happening.

All the way to the hospital, I had hard and strong contractions. My worries were running away with me. Once at St Lukes, the L&D nurses and doctors just surrounded me and made us feel so comforted and supported. They started with the fact that babies would be fine even if they did make an early appearance. That eased our minds some. I had some awful exams that hurt like crazy. The doctor could feel Max's head and it was his head that is resting on my cervix. I was still at 3cm. No growth, which was good.

The magnesium IV was to stop all contractions. It did its job wonderfully. However, in the process it really does make you feel like a monster. All of my muscles stopped working, not just the uterus. I was nauseous, delusional, and just felt awful. The weirdness of the catheter just added to this as well. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital bed. I was on restriction of fluids because the fluid can build up in the lungs while on magnesium or the nurses called the "mag bag." So ice chips every few hours was how I quenched my MEGA thirst.

Because I was nauseous, no food for awhile either! I didn't get to have a meal until noon on Thursday. It was probably the best food I have ever tasted! Plus I got to have my first fluids as well! Woo-hoo!

Thursday night I got the second of the steroid shots for the babies' lungs. I was literally in countdown mode to getting the mag bag taken off. They would only have me on the mag bag for 24 hours after the second shot. So 5pm Friday was my D-Day.

Friday was a long day but a long day without contractions. Labor had nearly stopped and babies were doing wonderfully. I think I received about 3 hours of sleep the entire time I was at the hospital in three nights. They were constantly checking me or fixing the monitors. It was so uncomfortable.

Friday night was the greatest! The mag bag came off. The catheter came out. I needed help to and from the restroom because my muscles were so jelly-like but I could use a real toilet and they gave me a giant mug filled with iced water!!

Saturday the doctors came in thrilled with the progress. I was a 3cm still. No contractions at all. The only little hiccup is that my oxygen levels dropped while I was sleeping which causes babies' heart rates to drop a bit. No huge worry since they caught me sleeping on my back which is a no-no. Around 3pm Saturday, they decided we could GO HOME!!

Going home meant that I would still have to continue this bed rest but from the comfort of my own home. I will take it. I am exhausted and humbled by the experience. I am so glad that I have a chance to bake Maxwell and Harper a little longer. I know these extra two weeks will make them stronger and healthier.

So...now I rest...in bed...until they arrive. What a week?!

-Lisa-

Countdown to Babies To-do List

School is out for summer!! And for me, school is out until October 1 when I go back after maternity leave. I though I would feel more relaxed...but I don't. I have created a to-do list that is a mile long. I want everything on the list completed before the babies arrive.

(On a side note about Max and Harper's arrival. I have a strong feeling they will be here by 35 weeks.  I am having an increase in contractions as well as some other more disgusting things that are signs of getting closer to labor! Holy cow! For their health they really need to stay in until 35 weeks. Which is 3.5 weeks away!!!)

I have had three of my four baby showers. I plan on making a separate post with pictures but have been super lazy in getting the pictures off my camera. I will hopefully do this soon. We received SO MUCH stuff! We feel so blessed that so many people support us and love our babies. But more on that later...here is my list:

1. Clean out from under the guest bathroom sink to make room for baby bath stuff.

2. Move our master bedroom around to accommodate the double bassinet.

3. Wash all baby clothes, sheets, blankets.

4. Sort clothes into tubs by size for storage.

5. Clean out and organize attic to make room for baby storage.

6. Clean out garage and create storage for babies.

7. Clean out the basement which has been the hub for everything baby.

8. Clear out kitchen cabinet for bottles and such.

9. Clear out space in pantry for formula.

10. Get infant seats inspected and professionally installed at the fire station.

11. Pack hospital bag!

12. Install more shelves in laundry room.

13. Get new faucets installed in kitchen and bathrooms.

14. Fix our light switch in master bedroom.

15. Start filling out baby books.

16. Purchase items off registry that we still need.

17. Write thank you cards.

18. Find a pediatrician.


So...I better get busy because just typing it all out gives me anxiety. I know I am probably still missing critical things that should be done before their arrival and that keeps me up at night (as well as their movement and pains).

I hope to make a shower post soon!

-Lisa-

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day has always been a dreaded holiday. I love my Mom so I just focused on showering her with love and avoided the thoughts that I may never be a mother myself. It was too painful to imagine.

So, although, this year is different as we await the arrival of Max and Harper...I still hold a special place in my heart for the many friends that are sad today. I pray for you today and always.


"A mother is not defined by the number of children she can see, but by the love she holds in your heart."

-Lisa-

28 Weeks & Thank God for Crafty Friends!

Well, I am 28 weeks pregnant! Crazy talk, I know! The babies are still vertex and seem to have dropped lower. My hips and back are starting to hurt but I just know that means they are getting ready for their departure. I only hope they wait awhile. They are too tiny now. I want to get them to at least 5 pounds before they meet the world.

This was my bump last week (27 weeks). I don't think I am bigger but my belly now hangs lower.

My ankles swell at the end of the day. I thought I had cankles before but now they have become epic in size! My wedding ring has to come off at the end of the day until the swelling goes down by morning. I know there will come a time when the ring will have to be taken off entirely. This is hard for me since I love wearing my ring and never take it off.

The nursery is nearly complete. We hung the last of the antiques last weekend. I found two antique shelves at an antique store that are painted in a yellowish hue. They go well in the room. They are recent purchases. However, I found this old window about 3 years ago. It was painted yellow and the glass had the blue flowers painted on it. At the time, I envisioned stripping the paint off and painting a different color. I admit that after I cleaned it up, I rather like the window just the way I found it. It goes with the room. Jeremy had a heck of a time getting it anchored securely to the wall. It hangs above our changing table with one of the shelves.

 

I don't have my first baby shower until Memorial Day weekend. However, many good friends and family have been busy crafting, quilting, and making beautiful gifts for Max and Harper. I wish I had an ounce of their abilities. My poor children have a mother who is lacking in that artistic skill. My student teacher from last year (who gets to work at our school next year!! YAY!) made these amazing hats. They match our nursery exactly. I cannot wait to have the twins pose in these hats. It may be their first newborn pictures!

My 12 year old niece made Max and Harper cute blankets. I love how soft they are. Max has the sock monkeys and Harper has the bright, cheerful turtles and elephants. I love them!! Plus, my niece is going to be an amazing babysitter.

 

I have mentioned many times how great this infertility community has been. I have met women who I genuinely care about even though we have never met. It is crazy how you can develop a friendship and companionship without ever really knowing them. One of these many bloggers is a sweet and caring gal who is one of the most upbeat supportive people. She is had a heck of a time dealing with her infertility and I pray for her often. She has decided to make quilts for the babies of infertiles. I nearly cried when I received these in the mail. I LOVE them!

It could be now anywhere between 6 weeks and 9 weeks that Max and Harper are in our arms! I am so excited!

-Lisa-

Join the Movement

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)!

I have been thinking about my 'Join the Movement' post for a couple of weeks. I have had some talks with my husband, Jeremy, to see if he had any profound thoughts on the topic. I had to have been desperate! Ha!

Infertility is such a scary, uncertain, heartbreaking, faith shaking, life destroying, relationship ruining, down right sucky, awful, sad, and horrible disease. People don't truly understand that it is a disease. It isn't a misfortunate accident. It isn't something that just happens.

Infertility is a disease. A disease that affects nearly 8 million people in the United States alone (Resolve). Infertility seems to choose the couples that are truly wanting families. Although, infertility doesn't discriminate. All couples are susceptible to the horrors of facing an infertile life.

Some infertiles can solve their issues with medication and ovulation predictors. Some must go onto injections and inseminations. Others move onto the terrifyingly expensive step of IVF. Some have surgery upon surgery to conceive. Many go on to use surrogates, donor eggs, donor sperm, or adoption. And sadly, some face a life of childlessness.

I feel like I have tried to educate people on infertility. When I created this blog in December 2011, some of my friends and family had no idea what Jeremy and I had been through. I felt encouraged by so many friends that came to me to share their stories. I had no idea how many infertiles I knew in my "real" life. Each of their stories touched me, and hopefully, mine helped them in some way as well.

At first, I was shy about our struggles with infertility. I wasn't sure how people would take my willingness to be an open book. I knew that infertility was a disease that most suffered in silence. I wasn't willing to be silent anymore. Even if I made a few people uncomfortable, I know that being open about infertility helped counsel me and many others. Staying silent works for many couples, but I couldn't move forward with all of the built-up sadness and anger. The best way for me to release my emotions in a safe environment was right here.

This blog created a space for me but I also met so many wonderful other infertiles. This is by far the best part about being open to sharing infertility. The blog friends that I have made over the last year are friends that will potentially be a part of my life for a lifetime. I find myself thinking about them, praying for them, and celebrating beside them. These other infertiles are the strongest and most caring individuals that I have met. I am so fortunate that sharing my story led me to their strong support system.

Even though, it seems as if I am on the "other side" of infertility with Max and Harper on their way. I will always be an infertile. It is a part of me and who I am. I will continue to be an advocate for infertiles everywhere. Whether that is sharing my story and success, or just educating the fertile world on what is acceptable and what is not.

So, yes, I have joined the movement! And I don't plan on quitting the movement until infertility is fully recognized as a disease. I won't stop until insurance companies across the country decide to cover these procedures as they would for "elective" procedures. Everyone needs to know what infertility is and how it affects couples. Only with education on the topic can infertility get the recognition from the people who can make changes.

Join the Movement and spread the word of infertility! I know I plan to continue.

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

-Lisa-

Nursery Projects

First of all, Jeremy and I are not the crafty type of people. In fact, I think we are the opposite of crafty. However, we wanted the nursery to be eclectic, unique, and meaningful. So, years ago we started collecting antiques and knick knacks for our future nursery. Because of the items we already had, we needed something for above the cribs that would match that style. After searching, it was clear we were going to have to make our decorations.

The first project we tackled was Maxwell's wall hangings above his crib. I found a great and EASY craft project on Pinterest. We bought embroidery rings at Joann Fabric and also fabric pieces in different shades of yellow and gray. Here were our supplies:



 We put the pieces of fabric in the rings. Pulled tight and then cut access fabric from around ring but left enough to fold over and hot glue.

The last step is removing the outer embroidery ring so we are left with a perfect circle of fabric. They turned out pretty good. We painted a letter M for Maxwell and hung in the center of the circles. Here is a picture of Max's crib:

For Harper's wall, we decided on a more girly look. We found "shabby chic" style white frames at Hobby Lobby. They happened to all be 50% off which saved us a lot of moo-lah. I then bought spray paint and Jeremy spray painted the frames and "H" for Harper.

We still have more antiques to hang and figure out but it is coming along. Here is the closet corner where we hung a large clothespin that I found at an antique store last year and a picture that Jeremy found in the back of an old frame we bought.

-Lisa-

24 week update

Woo-hoo for viability!! I never thought we would get to 24 weeks. We can breathe a sigh of relief.

I feel like I have been so busy but I look around and nothing is getting done. I start to freak out a bit when I realize that Maxwell & Harper will be here in about 11-13 more weeks. As much as I can't wait to wrap them up and hold them in my arms...Momma and Daddy are not ready!

We have basically figured out daycare. It wasn't easy and we had lots of great options. We have decided to go with this daycare close to our house. We went and toured many centers but fell in love with the staff and facility. We won't need daycare until October 15. I go back to work October 1 and Jeremy is taking his leave at the beginning of October. Hopefully, one more spot will open up before then. At the moment, one of the twins has a spot while the other is waitlisted. The director said that she is sure a spot will open up before then so not to worry.

Our nursery is coming along. I am in the middle of many décor projects at the moment. I am NOT a crafty person so I am definitely out of my element. I will post pictures of the projects in a separate post.

FMLA and insurance is quite the headache but it seems to be working itself out as well.

At my doctor checkup Tuesday, I only gained 5 pounds this month. This is a change from the last appointment where I gained a whopping 10 pounds! I am up 33 pounds. I can't believe how large and in charge I am getting. However, my doctor assures me I am right on track and healthy. She said I will slow down on the weight gain because twin mommies usually load up on the pounds early on. In fact, if you gain 24 pounds before the 24 weeks mark...twins have a greater chance of staying in there longer so they are born at a healthier weight.

One thing that pregnant women may downplay is the movement. I am in complete awe of the punches, kicks, movement, etc. Jeremy is obsessed with watching the belly and feeling it. I think he nearly cried when his hand was kicked hard. I love looking at the belly move. It is a complete miracle and just feel so blessed that we get to experience this. I can't believe that more pregnant women or moms haven't told me about the awesomeness of this stage. I don't even care that I can't sleep because I know that when I feel them punch me, they are thriving.

Max and Harper will grow up knowing how much they were prayed for. They will know what blessings and miracles they truly are. They will also know that God sent them as His perfect timing for us. I can't help but smile and cry happy tears at the thought of holding my precious angels. It puts our whole infertility struggle into perspective.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11


-Lisa-

Is This for Real?

I recently went back and read my blog posts from last March and April. I was heartbroken and confused. I didn't understand why Jeremy and I were going through infertility. However, by my blog posts, you really couldn't tell. I sound so positive and faithful. I don't think I was that way through most of our struggle. It was interesting to see what a difference a year makes. So for those that are still deep in the infertility struggle, keep up the hope. I know we hear that a lot as infertiles and I wouldn't have believed it if we weren't in the position we are now.

I am on spring break this week and have spent it working on the nursery. I knew there would be no other spare time for me to work on it through the end of the school year so I have kept busy. We painted the walls a light gray. We built a new closet system after we tore the other one out. I steam cleaned the carpets. Tuesday, Nebraska Furniture Mart delivered the furniture. And now it is real. Or is it? I feel like I should pinch myself. I leave the door open so every time I walk by the room, I can smile. I find myself in there just looking at the bedding, sitting in the rocker, and visualizing how wonderful our lives are going to be with Max and Harper.

I still have to decorate with wall decor and shelving but here are some current pictures of the state of the nursery.

On top of the pure elation and excitement, I also am a nervous wreck. Oh, the dreams that I have! Also, since when did TV shows not only have expectant twin mommies...but mommies that lose their twins?! Seriously, it makes me crazy! I freak out when I can't feel them. Although, talking to the doctor today, that is perfectly normal right now. I can't wait until Jeremy is able to feel the movement either. He is going to freak! Here are some ultrasound pics from today:

Maxwell's profile (He is so cute!)



Maxwell's back squishing Harper's profile

They are getting so big!

Happy Spring (kind of)! In KC, we have had cold and snow the last week. It really hasn't felt too much like spring. However, today it was in the 50's so I got my dogger, Bella, out for a 3 mile walk. Boy, am I tired! It felt great to be outside exercising a bit though.

-Lisa-

Holy 20 weeks!!

If you would have asked me three years ago, or even 6 months ago, if I would ever get to this point...I would have told you that you were crazy! I cannot believe we are at the 20 weeks mark. I feel so blessed. I can't even begin to explain the pure elation. I cry when I think too hard about how God has blessed us.

I used to pray every day and night for a baby. I faltered in my faith often and thought God had abandoned us. I am so glad that He is a giving and FORgiving God. He not only had a plan for us and our family...He forgave us when we didn't trust in Him.

My belly is in a word...GINORMOUS! I can't believe it is going to get any bigger. I wake up and look in the mirror and gasp. I love having this huge belly because it means my babes are coming sooner and sooner....

Which also has me freaking out!!
*The nursery furniture was just ordered last week
*The bedding came in today!! I love it! It is yellow, white, and gray.
*We registered at BuyBuyBaby but still need to register at Target
*We need to pick out paint, buy paint, and paint the nursery before the furniture arrives in 10 days
*Heck, we need to clear out the nursery and move our office furniture to the basement
*We need to find a daycare center for the twins...we tour a few of them in a couple of weeks

I am in nesting mode which means I am stressed out when I can't get done what I need done. Which also means that Jeremy is doomed. He has mastered the smile and nod really well.

The last couple of weeks (actually months) have also been very difficult on our family. Jeremy's grandparents have both been ill and in and out of hospital and nursing homes. I lost my last grandparent almost 6 years ago so Jeremy's grandparents have been my own. In fact, his grandparents have always treated me like one of their own grand kids. We visited with them extensively about our fertility issues. They are Christians and prayed with us and for us.

It was so exciting to tell them back in December that twins were on the way. We all cried. It was shortly after that announcement when their health declined at a rapid pace. We lost Grandma on March 6. Jeremy and I were the last family members to see her before she passed. I can't begin to describe how much my heart aches. She was an amazing woman. I have felt like I need to be the strong one and support Jeremy and his family. So I have tried to cover my pain and dry my tears. But I miss her dearly. I am also heartbroken that Grandma won't ever get to hold Max and Harper. We decided to honor Grandma as well. Harper's full name is now Harper Evelynn Rose. Rose was Grandma's middle name. Now she will always be a part of our family.

I told my classes why I would be gone one day. One of my sixth grade students raised her hand and said the most profound thing, "I guess your grandma was special because she needed two souls to replace hers." I wanted to hug her and cry.

Grandpa still needs prayers and is in the nursing home. We will see him every weekend. We saw him Monday and he knew who we were and was up ready to visit. I just pray he gets stronger and stronger.

Sorry for the long post but there was a lot to update. I always plan to write on the blog more frequently and then life gets in the way. I do read all of the blog updates daily but never get around to writing my own!

-Lisa-

Cankles & Names, Names & Cankles

So... I have cankles.

Don't judge me. I stood all day today and I came home to cankles for the first time since I sprained my ankle in high school. I didn't think calf-ankle combo started until MUCH later in pregnancy. However, twin pregnancies are in hyper drive so I imagine that involves this temporary deformity. I am hoping the elevation and cutting back on salt will alleviate the nastiness that is my used to be slimmer ankles.

I went shopping for some adorable maternity clothes yesterday. I am happy with all of my purchases. It was time. I have boycotted the whole process. I have been using belly bands to hold up my normal pants. However, they are no longer able to be zipped even a little bit so it was time. To my surprise, I found some really cute clothes. I am hoping the cankles go away so I can start wearing the dresses that I got.

We decided on names for our little bundles! It is so exciting to address them by name now. It took some concessions on both of our parts but I am so happy with the names now. I am even more excited to meet them in person.

Our little boy is Maxwell "Max" Salvatore (my dad's middle name) Marc (Jeremy's middle name).

Our little girl is Harper (my favorite author) Evelynn (Lynn is my mother and mother-in-law's middle name).

I can't wait to meet Max and Harper!!!

I also have changed my blog's title. I was hesitant to do it but still trying to conceive didn't fit our situation anymore.

-Lisa-

Gender Scan

First, a 17.5 week belly photo.

We had our gender scan with the perinatalogist this morning. I was so excited that I could hardly contain myself. I drank orange juice and ate a doughnut thinking that the sugar would get the babies really moving so we could get a sneak peak at their "goods".

It worked!!
Both babies were ready to display everything. In fact, Baby A was flipping and doing somersaults which made measuring a little difficult.

Baby A is my rambunctious little BOY!!! Here is a close up of his "special parts".

Baby B is my gorgeous little GIRL!!! Here are her goods on display for hopefully only this once (ha!).

So we have a perfect pairing of one of each. Jeremy is thrilled to have that little boy to play catch with and the little girl to be Daddy's girl. I am so excited to have a Mama's boy and to dress up my little girl. So...I couldn't help it. I went out and bought their first outfits. It was a difficult choice but I figure I will need to go shopping a lot more now.

We are both over the moon with excitement! On top of finding out genders, we found out that both babies are doing perfectly! They are measuring right on track and in fact Baby B is now measuring a day ahead of A and that is opposite of how it has been.

The pain on my left pelvic bone that I have had was supposed to be caused by Baby B. We found out that I have a uterine fibroid tumor. It isn't anything to be too concerned about for now but it can cause extra pain. At least I know that the severe pain wasn't in my head!

Here are some creepy face pictures of my darlings too.

 Still searching for a new blog title name and will hopefully think of one soon.

-Lisa-

17 weeks of worry

After infertility and loss, I am still struggling with the idea that this pregnancy may deliver two healthy babies. Most days, I feel so excited about the babies and other days I feel so worried that something could still happen. It is horrible to have those kinds of days.

Earlier this week, I had cramping and spotting. I nearly lost my mind! I was at work and in the middle of teaching students. Luckily, I work with amazing people who took over for me so I could make an emergency run to the doctor. The ultrasound showed two healthy, bouncing, flipping babies. They couldn't be more healthy, in fact. They think the bleed could be caused by a couple of things but none they are concerned with. They will monitor me closely in the next couple of weeks. The spotting has nearly stopped now, so that is great news!

I think incidents like this bring the idea to the forefront of my mind that this pregnancy could still have issues. I pray everyday for the health of these precious babies. I know that worrying constantly isn't going to do any good. I am doing the best that I can to take care of me and them. God is in control and His Will is in full effect. It is still so hard to hand all of that over to Him everyday, but I am getting better.

We do find out what Baby A and Baby B are!! I can't wait until Wednesday when we hopefully get a glimpse of their "goods." I hope they cooperate because we need to know. I have a strong feeling that it is two girls. I have had dreams that they are girls. Jeremy really thinks we are getting one of each, which would be awesome! I don't think either of us care too much though!

I have cleaned out the nursery closet. Currently that room is our office and it is filled with everything! I can't believe we had all of that junk shoved into one closet. We wound up pitching two garbage bags filled with old papers and documents that we no longer needed. It feels good to start a project for the babies. I am really looking forward to my Spring break when we will start painting the nursery and putting things together.

I will update the blog next week when we find out genders! I promise. I am also thinking of new titles for my blog. (Still) Trying to Conceive doesn't seem to work anymore. I want to still honor our infertility but also our joy to the ending we have been blessed with. Any ideas for titles? I am kind of stuck.

-Lisa-

Hubby + Growing Babies = 3 Special Valentine's!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I am not a huge fan of this day.  I love my husband, friends and family everyday and so always thought the day to be meaningless. If I am not loving everyday, then what the heck am I doing in this world?! So sorry that I am a little cynical.

It doesn't help that I am a teacher for tweens. I HATE Valentine's Day when it falls on a school day. The kids are C-R-A-Z-Y! Flowers, balloons, candy, stuffed animals, etc. all throughout the classroom and the school. So, the day has most definitely lost its luster in the last eight years since I saw it through a teacher's eyes.

Granted, Jeremy and I still will go to dinner. Maybe tomorrow night since I am exhausted from parent-teacher conferences all week. But we most likely would have gone anyway. I love my husband SO much. I really, really do.

He was an amazing husband all through infertility. He was a champ at being our cheerleader even when I was in a negative place. He prays fervently for our growing babies. He is just wonderful! I even love him after he said, "I loved you more than I thought I could. But now that you are carrying my babies, I love you so much more!"

UPDATES:
I am feeling the babes!!! When I  lay still and especially on my back, I can feel what feels like hamsters spinning on a wheel. It is the most amazing feeling ever and I only wish and hope that all of you will get to experience that same elation.

We find out the genders in less than two weeks! I am so excited. I feel like when we know the genders, we can finally make a baby purchase. We have yet to buy anything for babies except for a new closet system for the nursery.

My belly is a-growin' up a storm! I feel enormous most days. I swear it just pops out overnight. I have found a good sleeping position that suffices comfort-wise. However, the 5-6 bathroom visits in a night are not creating a great sleeping environment.

I am so in love with them and can't wait to hold them in my arms.

-Lisa-

I am getting excited!!!

I love that so many of my pregnant bloggers are so organized. That is SO NOT ME! They have gorgeous belly pics and wonderful weekly updates. I am so disorganized and scatter-brained (especially as of lately) that I probably will never make those wonderfully informative posts.

However, here is a 13w5d belly pic. Morning sickness has nearly all subsided. I don't sleep well at all but it will all be worth it. I have some pretty gnarly side cramps but nothing I can't handle. The time seems to be creep by and I just want those babies to be here already!

I had my very first perinatal specialist appointment today. After an hour wait(!!!), we finally got to meet Dr. Finley. We had a 30 minute ultrasound. It was amazing!! I can't believe how much they have grown since we saw them 5 weeks ago. They really look like babies now. They were jumping and flipping around making it difficult for the doctor to get measurements. Even though we didn't do the Down's syndrome screening, he measured the fold of their neck. They were perfectly perfect. Heart rates were 163 and 156. They measured ahead at 14w1d even though I am 13w5d today. Baby A had his hand around his face and in his mouth. Even the creepy face shot that looked like an alien was too cute to me. I go back to the perinatal doctor February 27 to see if we can find out the genders!! I thought I was going to have to wait longer, so I am SO excited! I am so ready to be their mom! Here are some new pictures.

I also get a FREE (yes, FREE!) ultrasound next Friday. The Lord provides ways to ease my stress and anxiety from last week. A friend turned me onto some ultrasound training going on. They were looking for pregnant women 6-22 weeks to "practice" on. They were super excited to hear that I have twins. In fact, they are bringing in more people to watch the ultrasound to learn. Bonus...I get to see them again!

-Lisa-

Their First 5k

Baby A & Baby B participated in their first 5k today!! I am sure they were just rolling around, enjoying the ride in there.

I took it easy on them though. I didn't really run. My sister (also her first 5k) and I just power walked for the most part. When we saw the finish line, we jogged the rest of the way. Either to feel like we finished strong or because we wanted to pass the older gentleman in front of us. We walked the 5k in 44 or so minutes. Not bad considering my first ever 5k that I actually "tried" running was 37 minutes!!

It was a lot of fun and I am sure babies had fun too! We signed up for this race awhile back and I am just glad we were still able to do it.



My sister, Me, Babies



 

 

I am feeling much better nowadays. Morning sickness isn't every day and in fact I have had a few days now where I haven't had it at all. I am still exhausted with no energy but feeling a bit normal. I have a lot of round ligament pain on my right side. I know that is just a sign that my body is stretching even more to accommodate the little beans. I am up about 12 pounds which is right on track for being 13 weeks pregnant with twinsies.

I appreciate all of the comments on the ultrasound situation. I realize that I am just being crazy but I can't help but be overprotective over them. I love them SO much already and just want them to be healthy and growing on track. We did find a private ultrasound place that would do one if we paid out of pocket so if I get desperate enough...that is where we are headed.

-Lisa-

I Feel Like...

First of all, I feel like I am getting the shaft when it comes to ultrasounds. When I was with my RE, Dr. Kim, I had an ultrasound every week. I haven't seen MY BABIES for four weeks! I have heard heartbeats a couple of times, but not SEEN them. And I won't see them until our 20 week gender scan in...wait for it...7 more weeks!

I know that twins nowadays are more normal than they used to be. I know that I am not necessarily "high risk" but I just feel like I am being treated like a regular pregnancy so far. Maybe that is how it should be...I don't know. I am new at this whole pregnant thing. I have appointments every four weeks until we hit 20 weeks. Then the plan is to have appointments every two weeks.

So my question to you guys (the wiser ones), is this normal?? Am I just worried for nothing? I know I got spoiled with Dr. Kim but I just feel like I should see them on the screen. By the time 20 weeks hits, I won't have seen them for nearly 12 weeks!! That is insane!

I have questioned them multiple times but they said since they can find the two heartbeats and they are healthy heartbeats that I don't need an ultrasound. But I want one!

We turned down the NT scan. I know we could have seen them then but it really isn't as accurate with twins and to be honest, it doesn't matter to us. We aren't going to terminate the pregnancy so we are fine with that choice.

So, sorry for the rant. But I am concerned that I am not seeing them as much as I should. So please let me know if this is normal or not.

-Lisa-

Welcome ICLW!

I am so glad to get back into ICLW. I took the month of December off so I could have a break during the holidays and also didn't want to spill my news too early.

You are welcome to look through my TTC Timeline. We received the best news EVER around Thanksgiving. Our IUI #2 worked. We then found out in December that we were having TWINS. I am now 12w2d.

I thought that once I got pregnant, I would be able to relax. SO, not the case. I have been a nervous wreck since finding out about the twins. I just pray non-stop that they both decide to hang around for at least 24 more weeks or so.

Our journey seems to be changing over to parenthood and I struggle with making this change. We have TTC for 3.5 years and that has been our life. We are so excited about this next chapter of infertility but it is uncharted territory for us.

So, welcome! Ask questions, leave comments, and I look forward to following some all new blogs in the process.

-Lisa-

Dazed & Confused @ 11 weeks

Happy Friday, everyone!

I have tried to write a post for over a week and just now getting around to it. I am struggling with this new role as "pregnant infertile". I don't quite know how to deal with living a double life which also means I don't know what to write about.

Nearly my entire marriage has been about trying to get pregnant. It became my identity. Now, although I am ecstatic, I don't know where or how I fit that role anymore. It is a strange but also a glorious place to be in.

I feel as if I have not allowed myself to feel excited yet. Being the infertile skeptic, I am waiting for the bad news to come. Every pinch, tweak, cramp, symptom disappearing, headache, makes me think it is all over. It is exhausting! I don't sleep because when I do I dream about horrible results of this pregnancy. I am truly a basket case.

I was supposed to have my new OB appointment today. I got a call this morning that the nurse practitioner was sick and so I had to reschedule for Wednesday. This panicked me. I begged and cried to just see someone, anyone today. I just wanted to make sure the babies were still doing well. One of the doctors had an opening so I took it.

It wasn't a "real" appointment. They used the doppler to make sure everything sounded good. Both babies are still there and moving like crazy. The heartbeats were 174 and 170. She said they kept moving around so she had to keep moving the doppler. I was so relieved.

The bad news is that I am spilling too much protein in my urine. I have to admit that I haven't really been eating as much I should. I am just not hungry but I have to start forcing myself. I have gained 7.5 pounds and they want me around 11 pounds by now. So my goal is to try and feed my face as much as possible.

I started showing a bit last week. This week, I am having a hard time covering up my bump. I keep waiting for one of my overzealous 7th graders to shout out that I have got fat or something. So far, they don't seem to notice. One girl did ask why I have been wearing jackets everyday. She accepted the simple "I am cold" response and moved on. I am not brave enough to post my growing mid section for the world to see. Maybe when I look clearly pregnant and not like I ate too much McDonalds, I will post something.

Hopefully I will have some new pictures of the beans on Wednesday to post here! Have a great weekend!

-Lisa-

Happy 2013!!

I have been working on this infertility journey video for months. I stopped working on it because I hated that we didn't have a happy ending yet. So shortly after finding out about the twins, I finished it. Here it is: