Jealousy

When I start to feel heartbroken, I have lots of choices. I talk to Jeremy and my mom, I read God's word, I cry alone, and I read. One of my favorite books to read is Beth Forbus's Baby Hunger. This was emailed from her today and helped, even just a little bit. It isn't easy feeling alone in my pain. It isn't easy covering my real feelings day in and day out. It isn't easy to see so many happy families around me when that is all I want. It is even harder to see families or mothers that just complain about their "hard" lives...I would DIE for that "hard" life. It is so hard to stop the hate and resentment that builds in my heart. I am glad that I am not the only one that has to pray to suppress those horrible feelings of jealousy. When God enters my thoughts and heart, I feel healed. So here are Beth's words...

“…I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

Once you discover that your desired pregnancy will be delayed, an amazing thing happens! People around you become “stupid”! They do stupid things like ask you to hand out the gifts at church on Mother’s Day since you won’t be participating. They make such stupid comments! Oh, the comments! “I just think about my husband and the morning sickness starts!” When you realize that you aren’t quite as fertile as the other branches of your family tree, you’ll find out within one weekend that your best friend, your co-worker and your sister-in-law are all pregnant! Your cousin gripes to you about how uncomfortable she is in her 37th week of pregnancy. Everyone is pregnant. Everyone but you.

You’re amazed at the apparent insensitivity of the fertile world. You’re amazed at the anger and jealousy taking root in your infertile heart. Relationships with people you have adored for an entire lifetime become strained. Their greatest source of joy has become a constant reminder of what you have so longed for yet cannot obtain.

As you stand face to face with the issue of infertility, many choices are ripped away from you. The choice of when to have children, perhaps the choice of how many children to have, the choice of keeping your problem private. Other choices are so difficult. Do we consult a doctor? How far do we go with treatment? What do we give up to pay for medical treatment? Do we adopt? However, there is a crucial area where you do have the ultimate choice. Will I choose joy or will I allow infertility to dictate my mindset and the attitude of my heart? Christ came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. We’re told to rejoice, and the writer is so adamant that we rejoice that he just has to repeat himself—“Again, I say rejoice!” If you’re feeling weak, the joy of the Lord is your strength. Our weaknesses showcase Christ’s ability to be our perfected strength.

Does this mean that you should never cry or feel down? Absolutely not. Our Savior was a man full of emotions and the Bible even says He was acquainted with grief and bore our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4). It does mean that you can choose to let Christ carry those sorrows and choose the joy that runs deeper than simple situational happiness. Peace that is so strong and doesn’t make sense considering your trial is yours for the taking. You can choose to accept the offer of abundant life provided by Jesus Christ Himself, or choose a life of despondency, jealousy and discouragement.

Easy? Not always. But the choice, my friend, is yours.

(Taken from Baby Hunger: Biblical Encouragement for Those Struggling with Infertility by Beth Forbus.)

-Lisa-