To Share or Not to Share

Jeremy and I went and saw the movie "The Vow" a few days ago. It is the romantic drama with Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams. It is such a great movie and so emotional too. In the movie, the narrator (Channing Tatum) talks about "impact" moments in your life.

That phrase "impact" stuck with me. Those moments in life that steer you one way or another. Those moments where you realize something about yourself.

It gets me thinking about when I first realized that having a baby wouldn't be easy. I was sitting in my OBGYN's waiting room. We had tried naturally for a year and two months on Clomid. I was waiting for my exam and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I broke out in tears right there. I realized that this was going to be a longer journey than I had expected. But at that moment, I experienced an impact. Just like the many scenarios in The Vow.

An interesting thing happens when a woman realizes that she will have to fight to conceive a baby. Most of our choices are taken away with the diagnosis---or in my case a lack of a diagnosis. We may not get to decide how many children we will have, or if we will have them at all. We won't be able to choose how or when we will conceive. However, there are some choices we are able to make, and many must be dealt with at the very start of the baby battle. Here was the kicker for me:

Do we tell people we are having a problem, or do we keep it to ourselves??

Difficult decisions (or sometimes impact moments) must be covered in prayer, and the necessity of those prayers often feels overwhelming. The greatest support comes from the prayers of loving people who care about you, just like my readers of this blog--YOU!

However, for some people, self-disclosure is nauseating! At first, I didn't want anyone to know how desperate I was for a baby and how hard this battle really is. The issue of infertility was simply too private for me to share with anyone but Jeremy. I didn't want other people to look at me with pity when a new mother walked in the room with her baby. I couldn't tolerate the idea of the well-meaning people who would say hurtful things like: "Oh, you could always adopt!", or "Oh honey, you're young! You can always have another baby!" So I chose to keep my problem and despair to myself.

For me, the quiet pain was eating at my heart. God knew my pain and that gave me comfort. Studying the Word that He gave us showed multiple cases of infertility. Hannah and Sarah's stories stick out to me the most. Their stories were shared in the Bible for some reason. I know that infertility was apart of God's Word to help ease the despair of those of us that live in quiet pain.

So I spoke out. First, just with my closest friends and family. Then, with my coworkers. And now with the world through this blog. I can't even begin to tell you what joy and release comes to my heart every time I write on this blog.

I can't help but think that God set me on this journey for a greater purpose. If that purpose is to share my story and words with others, then I shall do it. If that purpose is to give someone else support and comfort as they suffer with quiet pain, then I will bear it.  

-Lisa-