All About Mama

I have fond memories of my 5 week postpartum post. It was this post that I was only 20 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. Ahhh...the memories!

Have you noticed there have been no more "anti-belly" posts since then? That was on purpose. Let me fill you in on "Mama" (Harper says that now by the way!).

I was cleared for exercise at my 6 week postpartum appointment. So, I started jogging/walking in the evenings when Jeremy would get home from work. I would do a 1-2 mile run on the weekends. I was trying to ease my way back into running after a 9 month break from it. It was going really well.

I was exercising and watching my portions. Man, I was going to be back to my size 6 jeans comfortably by Christmas! Ha! I went back to the doctor to get my Mirena placed. At the weigh-in...I had gained weight! What?! How was this possible? I was doing everything right.

October rolled around and I was back to work. Granted my workouts were shortened and eventually non-existent. I was exhausted. I attributed the fatigue to being a twin mommy with a full time job.

I started noticing that my pants I was able to wear in August, I couldn't fit in anymore. Thanksgiving break required a trip to get new work clothes to get me through until I could get more of this darn weight off.

In December, I was on the couch wrapping Christmas presents when Jeremy noticed that my neck was enlarged. If he notices something...it must be true! (I could cut off my hair and dye it purple and he may not notice!) I immediately felt my neck and knew my thyroid was much bigger than normal. It felt like a golf ball.

Why did I know it was my thyroid? You see, I have seen a thyroid doctor since I was 22. My OB at the time noticed I had an enlarged neck. I was sent to see the ENT. It was discovered that I have a goiter from Hashimoto's Syndrome. I have had biopsies done and no cancer. I have had bloodwork done and no hormone issues. I have known about these issues for years. I had to have my levels monitored during pregnancy and again, no issues.

When I felt the giant golf ball in my neck, I called my ENT to get an appointment. Luckily, he could see me the morning of Christmas Eve. I got new bloodwork drawn. I always have normal levels but not so lucky this time!

My doctor said that I clearly have hypothyroidism. This means my thyroid is under active. It isn't producing enough hormones to regulate my metabolism. Apparently, even the most normal functioning thyroid can be thrown into a tailspin after a pregnancy. So no surprise that my already jacked up thyroid is struggling.

Here are some of the many symptoms of hypothyroidism. I pretty much have them all! I now have answers to these questions:

Why have I gained 45 pounds in 4 months? (Seriously, that's what I have gained!)

Why am I tired all the time? (The babies sleep for 10-11 hours so no blaming them.)

Why am I still losing hair by the handful? (Pregnancy hormones are done with.)

Why is my skin unable to be lotioned enough? (I go through gallons of Jergens.)

Why am I always so freaking cold? (I seriously could set our thermostat on 73 and still not be warm enough!)

I have felt so awful since really October. I haven't felt like myself. I am depressed that I am now a size 10!!! I am down on myself for not having the energy to do anything outside of being a walking zombie. I feel sad that I can't be the mother I want to be. 

Where do I go from here? Well, I see a specialist next Friday (Happy Valentine's Day to me!). I am hoping that I will have more answers after that visit. I am expecting to be on medications and well monitored. I am also assuming that I will eventually have my thyroid removed, like my mother. I will take thyroid medicine the rest of my life if it means that I have a chance of feeling normal. 

I haven't even felt well enough or confident enough to try and work out. I am hoping with the medicine that I will have the energy to get my body and mind back. 

So, Mama is hopefully going to get her groove back soon. Then, I can start posting anti-belly posts again!

The twins' 7 month update coming next week, too! Lots of changes and accomplishments! Here is a sneak peek at Max & Harper!

-Lisa-

Why Can't We All Get Along?

Most of "us" (the readers of this blog) are coming from the land of infertility. I think living with, or living through this awful disease changes our psyche. Not that it make us more compassionate, but I do believe it makes us not take anything for granted.

Infertiles are used to supporting each other; not tearing each other down. Maybe that is why I am so appalled at the actions of some other women. 

Since becoming a mother and living "on the other side of the track," I have begun to realize the true Mommy War that goes on. 

Yes, I chose to feed my babies formula from day one. I know, I am a horrible and selfish person for not wanting to give my babies the best nutrients from breastfeeding. I am a monster. 

Yes, I work. I leave my babies for 8 hours a day with strangers at a daycare center. They are around other people besides family for most of their awake time during the week. I am a monster.

Yes, I vaccinate my babies. I let nurses plunge syringes filled with the evil health care companies' concoction to save my babies from future diseases. I am a monster.

Yes, I use disposable diapers and disposable wipes. I load the landfills with Pampers and Luvs. I am a monster. 

Yes, I pierced my daughter's ears. At. The. Doctor's. Office. I let the nurse permanently alter my daughter's ears because she would have most likely felt the pain at six years old when she would eventually want it done. She looks adorable and she didn't even cry. But I am a monster. 

Yes, I give my babies packaged baby food. I don't steam, mash and make my own baby food. Heck, I have the audacity to not even buy "Organic." They seem to be just fine with the good old Gerber but, again, I am the monster. 

Yes, I had a medicated birth; it was awesome. After that epidural, I was in heaven giving birth to my son; too bad I still missed my daughter's birth for having to be put under. My poor children have a monster of a mom!

We all do choose, or will choose to raise our children in our own way -- a way we choose is best for our precious babes. It doesn't make another's choice wrong. And it doesn't make another mother out to be a monster. 

Why do women feel the need to judge others' choices in motherhood? It used to bug me. Now, I simply block out those other mom's ideas about my choices. My babies are happy and healthy. They love; they laugh; they are growing; and they are MINE. 

I wish that the mothering community took a page out of the infertility book. Support is what is needed, not judgement of who does what best. 

I loved this link that a mother group created. A Mother Group that gets it. 

You are all amazing no matter who says otherwise!!!

-Lisa-

Half a year old! What?!

Max and Harper are half a year old. It is so true when people say you blink and they are grown.

The last six months have disappeared and they are growing like weeds.

Max: He has been sick with ear infections. He was on one round of antibiotics but it didn't work and now we are on our second round. So...he has lost some weight. At the doctor yesterday, he weighed 15 pounds, 9 ounces. He wears size 3 diapers and 3-6 month or 6 month clothing. He drools like crazy. He loves his jumper. He can pull himself up to standing and loves to stand at the activity table. He laughs and giggles like crazy (see video below!) Max loves our dog, Bella. He pulls her ears and grabs her nose. He just wants her all the time. He will shout at her to come to him...she isn't so sure about it yet. He is an awesome eater of green beans and pears. He really isn't a fan of bananas. He can't sit still enough to sit up. He can for a brief time but then wants to start his backwards "crawl" to get some place with new toys and surroundings. He is seriously going to be into EVERYTHING very soon.

Harper: She has for the mean time outgrown her big brother. She has always been the little one. Not anymore! She weighed 16 pounds, 4 ounces...but that is just be weighing her at home so it may be off. She wears size 3 diapers and 3-6 month or 6 month clothing. She loves to sit up. She can actually sit up and play for quite awhile. She also backwards scoots but prefers to play on her tummy or sit up instead of moving around so much. Harper is obsessed with her feet. Seriously...the girl has never seen things so amazing in her life. She loves carrots! She will turn her nose up to pretty much anything else although green beans she seems indifferent to. She loves her brother so much! She wants to grab him, poke him, eat him, etc. I love to hear them talk to each other. It is by far the cutest thing ever.

We don't have our 6 month shot appointment until February 4. They will nearly be 7 months old but with Max's illnesses and scheduling issues...we have to wait a bit.

They seem to do something new everyday. It is amazing to watch them learn and grow. I can't believe how much they have learned.

I posted this video to my Facebook page last week. It is the cutest giggle ever, I swear. It will brighten even my darkest day.

Here are their six month pictures...we could hardly get them to stay still--let alone get a smile! We gave up.

-Lisa-

2013 Year in Review

2013 was a rollercoaster ride. It was one of those rollercoasters where you get off windblown and tossed with an upset stomach BUT you want to ride it again and again. The truth is that if 2013 ended the same way each time, I would relive it over and over again.

I haven't been able to say this about many years in the past.

We started 2013 with two little peanuts that resembled alien babies in my tummy.

I loved the feeling of being pregnant (for the most part). When I saw my belly getting bigger and bigger, I knew they were healthy.

In January, two of my favorite people got sick. Jeremy's grandparents were two of our biggest cheerleaders and prayer givers. We lost Grandma in March. Harper's middle name is after her. Then, in May, Grandpa passed away. We all miss them terribly. I am so sad that Max and Harper will not know how loving, kind, and amazing they were. I wasn't even "their" grandchild but I always felt like it.

We had to get the nursery ready. We decided to DIY. Fun times!

In May, my eldest niece got married! I know what you are thinking...there is no way I look old enough to have a niece that is 21! The 3 hour car ride being THAT pregnant wasn't comfortable or fun. We had to stop quite a bit to walk and stretch my swollen legs and ankles. I was a walking spectacle at this point too. I looked 9 months pregnant even though I had a ways to go.

I had amazing baby showers with amazing people!

School ended May 31 and I worked all the way till the end. At the beginning of pregnancy, the doctors talked like I would be on bedrest before the end of the year.

June 5 scared the crap out of me. I went to my normal doctor's appointment at 31 weeks. I had been having contractions throughout the day but thought it was just the notorious Braxton Hicks. Nope! I was in pre-term labor. They started me on Magnesium (Mag-Bag) and transported me to a hospital with a Level 4 NICU. The next three nights we spent in the hospital. The mag bag was awful and made me feel like a zombie. (Assuming I know how zombies feel.)

Thus the summer of bedrest started. Bedrest was difficult. I know, you should love being off your feet and everyone else doing things for you...but it wasn't all that fun after, say, the first hour! Finishing baby registry shopping was downright humiliating thanks to the good ol' Target scooter.

And then...we waited. No babies. I grew larger and more uncomfortable as the pregnancy droned on. I thought for sure I was going to be pregnant forever. I was still so grateful for the babies inside me but I wanted to meet them so bad! My mom felt it was important to document my largeness. I obviously did not feel the same way.

A week before they were born!

Then, the best day of 2013---JULY 11! Babies came as a surprise that morning but what a great day!

The day after we brought our bundles of joy home, we had to lose a member of our family. My baby, Lola, didn't like the babies much. We knew it would happen. She is jealous of me and doesn't like anyone or anything near me. Although it was the right choice, the sadness of having to find her a new home still haunts me. I loved her so much.

There was quite a baby boom around us too! Our church had 8 babies born in a matter of a couple months. AND Jeremy's family has had 7 babies in a year, including two sets of twins!

The rest of the year seems to be a blur. I went back to work and babies go to daycare. They have grown and their developmental milestones seem to be flying by. They are just growing too, too fast!

 My health is hopefully on the right track. I am getting help with thyroid issues even though any health scare is not fun.

We made some awesome friends, laughed, cried, prayed, rejoiced, sang (off key), danced, made memories, took pictures, and loved life.

In 2014, we are looking forward to watching Max and Harper grow and change (just hopefully the time creeps by instead of flying by like the last 6 months!).

My resolutions for 2014:
1. Thank God everyday, even when it has been a bad day. Don't just ask for things when I need them. Praise Him.
2. Find a different profession. I need a teaching break and more time at home.
3. Get healthy. Lose weight. Run more.
4. Love more. Find time to spend with Jeremy sans babies.
5. Socialize more. I love Mommy time but need Friend time too!

I pray you all have an amazing 2014. God has lots of amazing things planned for us all!

-Lisa-

Happy Blogiversary!

Well, blog...it has been two years.

I made you to record my random thoughts like in this first post. Somehow, you became my sounding board, support, and link to amazing women.

You now are a wonderful momento for Max and Harper in the future.

We have been through a lot together and I can't believe all of the ups and downs the last two years has brought our way.

Thanks, blog! Here is to another year of bloggity blogging together!

-Lisa-

First Christmas in Pictures

Max and Harper had a pretty awesome first Christmas. It was a busy few days and they were troopers through it all. Saturday 12/21, we had Jeremy's family at our house to open gifts. Sunday, 12/22, we went to Jeremy's aunt's house for a family gathering. Christmas Eve we spent it at my parents' house opening gifts with all my siblings, nieces, and nephew. Then Christmas Day we had lunch at my parents and then went to Jeremy's parents that night. 

Christmas Night was rough. Harper needed to be held and just screamed most of the night. She finally went to sleep on me. I was also sick with a sinus, head cold so we took them to daycare the day after Christmas. The plan was for me to rest and start to feel better.

Well...daycare called for me to pick them up. Both were running fever which they weren't running that morning because I checked. I took them to Children's Mercy to find out my poor babies had ear infections. No wonder Harps was having a difficult time. I am so glad they made it through their first Christmas being our happy babes. 

Needless to say, yesterday was a tough day for Mommy. Both babies needed snuggles at the same time and I was exhausted. I felt like a twin newborn Mom again. Man, I don't miss that tired feeling. Good news is that both babies are feeling better. Appetites aren't 100% yet but they are happier and no more fever. 

Now for the pictures:

My first gift. What do I do now?

Oh...this is fun!

Look at all of our big cousins!

Max loved unwrapping!

And eating boxes, paper, etc.

Max & Harper made their grandparents a photo book. Link below.

Sleepy boy

Christmas morning

Bella loved her Santa gift!

They don't know Santa yet...but they loved opening his presents.

Some of their Santa loot

Grampa lovin'

Cousin Love

More cousin love

They love Uncle Curt too!

And even more cousin love!

Yep...more cousins that love us!

Look at us!

In case you didn't know...it is our first Christmas!

Oh! And our first solid food! Carrots!

What? Is there something on my face?

Poor Max needed his Nonnie

Harps snuggling her Aunt Allison

Beyond blessed this Christmas!!

A picture above shows my parents reading their photo book. We made one for each set of grandparents. I love Shutterfly and love their projects. We also made my siblings a frame with pictures too. Here is the link to the book: Shutterfly Book .




 -Lisa-

I Remember

It wasn't that long ago.

In fact, some days it feels like yesterday. But honestly, other days I feel so far removed. But I am not.

I remember the sadness. Especially around Christmas.

Everyone posts pictures of their babies or growing bumps. They talk about announcing pregnancy to family or their babies first Christmas (sorry!).

All I wanted for four Christmases was to share the holidays with our own baby(ies). I pictured the mantle with stockings and the childish laughter opening presents on Christmas morning.

At some point, I thought the day would never come. I had even resigned myself that it was Jeremy and I. That's it.

All when I had nearly given up the hope, Max and Harper were conceived. I was the girl that announced pregnancy at Christmas last year and am celebrating their first Christmas this year.

But I still remember.

I know how fortunate and blessed we are. I know that I sometimes take our miracles for granted. There are so many good friends and wonderful people in this community that yearn for my excitement at this holiday season.

So, tonight...Jeremy and I plan on praying and lighting a candle in honor of our struggle and in hope for those that are still struggling.

I do hope that you have an amazing holiday that is filled with love from family and friends.

Blessings your way!

-Lisa-