Is This for Real?

I recently went back and read my blog posts from last March and April. I was heartbroken and confused. I didn't understand why Jeremy and I were going through infertility. However, by my blog posts, you really couldn't tell. I sound so positive and faithful. I don't think I was that way through most of our struggle. It was interesting to see what a difference a year makes. So for those that are still deep in the infertility struggle, keep up the hope. I know we hear that a lot as infertiles and I wouldn't have believed it if we weren't in the position we are now.

I am on spring break this week and have spent it working on the nursery. I knew there would be no other spare time for me to work on it through the end of the school year so I have kept busy. We painted the walls a light gray. We built a new closet system after we tore the other one out. I steam cleaned the carpets. Tuesday, Nebraska Furniture Mart delivered the furniture. And now it is real. Or is it? I feel like I should pinch myself. I leave the door open so every time I walk by the room, I can smile. I find myself in there just looking at the bedding, sitting in the rocker, and visualizing how wonderful our lives are going to be with Max and Harper.

I still have to decorate with wall decor and shelving but here are some current pictures of the state of the nursery.

On top of the pure elation and excitement, I also am a nervous wreck. Oh, the dreams that I have! Also, since when did TV shows not only have expectant twin mommies...but mommies that lose their twins?! Seriously, it makes me crazy! I freak out when I can't feel them. Although, talking to the doctor today, that is perfectly normal right now. I can't wait until Jeremy is able to feel the movement either. He is going to freak! Here are some ultrasound pics from today:

Maxwell's profile (He is so cute!)



Maxwell's back squishing Harper's profile

They are getting so big!

Happy Spring (kind of)! In KC, we have had cold and snow the last week. It really hasn't felt too much like spring. However, today it was in the 50's so I got my dogger, Bella, out for a 3 mile walk. Boy, am I tired! It felt great to be outside exercising a bit though.

-Lisa-

Holy 20 weeks!!

If you would have asked me three years ago, or even 6 months ago, if I would ever get to this point...I would have told you that you were crazy! I cannot believe we are at the 20 weeks mark. I feel so blessed. I can't even begin to explain the pure elation. I cry when I think too hard about how God has blessed us.

I used to pray every day and night for a baby. I faltered in my faith often and thought God had abandoned us. I am so glad that He is a giving and FORgiving God. He not only had a plan for us and our family...He forgave us when we didn't trust in Him.

My belly is in a word...GINORMOUS! I can't believe it is going to get any bigger. I wake up and look in the mirror and gasp. I love having this huge belly because it means my babes are coming sooner and sooner....

Which also has me freaking out!!
*The nursery furniture was just ordered last week
*The bedding came in today!! I love it! It is yellow, white, and gray.
*We registered at BuyBuyBaby but still need to register at Target
*We need to pick out paint, buy paint, and paint the nursery before the furniture arrives in 10 days
*Heck, we need to clear out the nursery and move our office furniture to the basement
*We need to find a daycare center for the twins...we tour a few of them in a couple of weeks

I am in nesting mode which means I am stressed out when I can't get done what I need done. Which also means that Jeremy is doomed. He has mastered the smile and nod really well.

The last couple of weeks (actually months) have also been very difficult on our family. Jeremy's grandparents have both been ill and in and out of hospital and nursing homes. I lost my last grandparent almost 6 years ago so Jeremy's grandparents have been my own. In fact, his grandparents have always treated me like one of their own grand kids. We visited with them extensively about our fertility issues. They are Christians and prayed with us and for us.

It was so exciting to tell them back in December that twins were on the way. We all cried. It was shortly after that announcement when their health declined at a rapid pace. We lost Grandma on March 6. Jeremy and I were the last family members to see her before she passed. I can't begin to describe how much my heart aches. She was an amazing woman. I have felt like I need to be the strong one and support Jeremy and his family. So I have tried to cover my pain and dry my tears. But I miss her dearly. I am also heartbroken that Grandma won't ever get to hold Max and Harper. We decided to honor Grandma as well. Harper's full name is now Harper Evelynn Rose. Rose was Grandma's middle name. Now she will always be a part of our family.

I told my classes why I would be gone one day. One of my sixth grade students raised her hand and said the most profound thing, "I guess your grandma was special because she needed two souls to replace hers." I wanted to hug her and cry.

Grandpa still needs prayers and is in the nursing home. We will see him every weekend. We saw him Monday and he knew who we were and was up ready to visit. I just pray he gets stronger and stronger.

Sorry for the long post but there was a lot to update. I always plan to write on the blog more frequently and then life gets in the way. I do read all of the blog updates daily but never get around to writing my own!

-Lisa-

Cankles & Names, Names & Cankles

So... I have cankles.

Don't judge me. I stood all day today and I came home to cankles for the first time since I sprained my ankle in high school. I didn't think calf-ankle combo started until MUCH later in pregnancy. However, twin pregnancies are in hyper drive so I imagine that involves this temporary deformity. I am hoping the elevation and cutting back on salt will alleviate the nastiness that is my used to be slimmer ankles.

I went shopping for some adorable maternity clothes yesterday. I am happy with all of my purchases. It was time. I have boycotted the whole process. I have been using belly bands to hold up my normal pants. However, they are no longer able to be zipped even a little bit so it was time. To my surprise, I found some really cute clothes. I am hoping the cankles go away so I can start wearing the dresses that I got.

We decided on names for our little bundles! It is so exciting to address them by name now. It took some concessions on both of our parts but I am so happy with the names now. I am even more excited to meet them in person.

Our little boy is Maxwell "Max" Salvatore (my dad's middle name) Marc (Jeremy's middle name).

Our little girl is Harper (my favorite author) Evelynn (Lynn is my mother and mother-in-law's middle name).

I can't wait to meet Max and Harper!!!

I also have changed my blog's title. I was hesitant to do it but still trying to conceive didn't fit our situation anymore.

-Lisa-

Gender Scan

First, a 17.5 week belly photo.

We had our gender scan with the perinatalogist this morning. I was so excited that I could hardly contain myself. I drank orange juice and ate a doughnut thinking that the sugar would get the babies really moving so we could get a sneak peak at their "goods".

It worked!!
Both babies were ready to display everything. In fact, Baby A was flipping and doing somersaults which made measuring a little difficult.

Baby A is my rambunctious little BOY!!! Here is a close up of his "special parts".

Baby B is my gorgeous little GIRL!!! Here are her goods on display for hopefully only this once (ha!).

So we have a perfect pairing of one of each. Jeremy is thrilled to have that little boy to play catch with and the little girl to be Daddy's girl. I am so excited to have a Mama's boy and to dress up my little girl. So...I couldn't help it. I went out and bought their first outfits. It was a difficult choice but I figure I will need to go shopping a lot more now.

We are both over the moon with excitement! On top of finding out genders, we found out that both babies are doing perfectly! They are measuring right on track and in fact Baby B is now measuring a day ahead of A and that is opposite of how it has been.

The pain on my left pelvic bone that I have had was supposed to be caused by Baby B. We found out that I have a uterine fibroid tumor. It isn't anything to be too concerned about for now but it can cause extra pain. At least I know that the severe pain wasn't in my head!

Here are some creepy face pictures of my darlings too.

 Still searching for a new blog title name and will hopefully think of one soon.

-Lisa-

17 weeks of worry

After infertility and loss, I am still struggling with the idea that this pregnancy may deliver two healthy babies. Most days, I feel so excited about the babies and other days I feel so worried that something could still happen. It is horrible to have those kinds of days.

Earlier this week, I had cramping and spotting. I nearly lost my mind! I was at work and in the middle of teaching students. Luckily, I work with amazing people who took over for me so I could make an emergency run to the doctor. The ultrasound showed two healthy, bouncing, flipping babies. They couldn't be more healthy, in fact. They think the bleed could be caused by a couple of things but none they are concerned with. They will monitor me closely in the next couple of weeks. The spotting has nearly stopped now, so that is great news!

I think incidents like this bring the idea to the forefront of my mind that this pregnancy could still have issues. I pray everyday for the health of these precious babies. I know that worrying constantly isn't going to do any good. I am doing the best that I can to take care of me and them. God is in control and His Will is in full effect. It is still so hard to hand all of that over to Him everyday, but I am getting better.

We do find out what Baby A and Baby B are!! I can't wait until Wednesday when we hopefully get a glimpse of their "goods." I hope they cooperate because we need to know. I have a strong feeling that it is two girls. I have had dreams that they are girls. Jeremy really thinks we are getting one of each, which would be awesome! I don't think either of us care too much though!

I have cleaned out the nursery closet. Currently that room is our office and it is filled with everything! I can't believe we had all of that junk shoved into one closet. We wound up pitching two garbage bags filled with old papers and documents that we no longer needed. It feels good to start a project for the babies. I am really looking forward to my Spring break when we will start painting the nursery and putting things together.

I will update the blog next week when we find out genders! I promise. I am also thinking of new titles for my blog. (Still) Trying to Conceive doesn't seem to work anymore. I want to still honor our infertility but also our joy to the ending we have been blessed with. Any ideas for titles? I am kind of stuck.

-Lisa-

Hubby + Growing Babies = 3 Special Valentine's!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I am not a huge fan of this day.  I love my husband, friends and family everyday and so always thought the day to be meaningless. If I am not loving everyday, then what the heck am I doing in this world?! So sorry that I am a little cynical.

It doesn't help that I am a teacher for tweens. I HATE Valentine's Day when it falls on a school day. The kids are C-R-A-Z-Y! Flowers, balloons, candy, stuffed animals, etc. all throughout the classroom and the school. So, the day has most definitely lost its luster in the last eight years since I saw it through a teacher's eyes.

Granted, Jeremy and I still will go to dinner. Maybe tomorrow night since I am exhausted from parent-teacher conferences all week. But we most likely would have gone anyway. I love my husband SO much. I really, really do.

He was an amazing husband all through infertility. He was a champ at being our cheerleader even when I was in a negative place. He prays fervently for our growing babies. He is just wonderful! I even love him after he said, "I loved you more than I thought I could. But now that you are carrying my babies, I love you so much more!"

UPDATES:
I am feeling the babes!!! When I  lay still and especially on my back, I can feel what feels like hamsters spinning on a wheel. It is the most amazing feeling ever and I only wish and hope that all of you will get to experience that same elation.

We find out the genders in less than two weeks! I am so excited. I feel like when we know the genders, we can finally make a baby purchase. We have yet to buy anything for babies except for a new closet system for the nursery.

My belly is a-growin' up a storm! I feel enormous most days. I swear it just pops out overnight. I have found a good sleeping position that suffices comfort-wise. However, the 5-6 bathroom visits in a night are not creating a great sleeping environment.

I am so in love with them and can't wait to hold them in my arms.

-Lisa-

I am getting excited!!!

I love that so many of my pregnant bloggers are so organized. That is SO NOT ME! They have gorgeous belly pics and wonderful weekly updates. I am so disorganized and scatter-brained (especially as of lately) that I probably will never make those wonderfully informative posts.

However, here is a 13w5d belly pic. Morning sickness has nearly all subsided. I don't sleep well at all but it will all be worth it. I have some pretty gnarly side cramps but nothing I can't handle. The time seems to be creep by and I just want those babies to be here already!

I had my very first perinatal specialist appointment today. After an hour wait(!!!), we finally got to meet Dr. Finley. We had a 30 minute ultrasound. It was amazing!! I can't believe how much they have grown since we saw them 5 weeks ago. They really look like babies now. They were jumping and flipping around making it difficult for the doctor to get measurements. Even though we didn't do the Down's syndrome screening, he measured the fold of their neck. They were perfectly perfect. Heart rates were 163 and 156. They measured ahead at 14w1d even though I am 13w5d today. Baby A had his hand around his face and in his mouth. Even the creepy face shot that looked like an alien was too cute to me. I go back to the perinatal doctor February 27 to see if we can find out the genders!! I thought I was going to have to wait longer, so I am SO excited! I am so ready to be their mom! Here are some new pictures.

I also get a FREE (yes, FREE!) ultrasound next Friday. The Lord provides ways to ease my stress and anxiety from last week. A friend turned me onto some ultrasound training going on. They were looking for pregnant women 6-22 weeks to "practice" on. They were super excited to hear that I have twins. In fact, they are bringing in more people to watch the ultrasound to learn. Bonus...I get to see them again!

-Lisa-