Everyone has to deal with an amount of stress at one point or another...(or all points in varying levels). Some people deal by crying (sometimes me), throwing fits (sometimes me), or lashing out at loved ones (sometimes me). I am guilty of all of these ineffective stress relieving tactics.
However, I, for the majority, deal with stress internally. On the outside, I smile, nod and pretend that life is my oyster. Internally, I am freaking the F out! I have a hard time saying "No" when asked. I have the tendency to bite off more than I can chew. And I definitely invent the majority of the stress in my life.
This week has been A WEEK. Whew! I first of all promised to you, the blog world, that I would write to you more often. Much to my chagrin, my weekly Friday night alarm alerted me to WRITE. So, I am now hoping this self-inflicted stress turns into therapy. Bear with me...ya'll are my free therapy.
I begin my adjunct courses on Monday. Like three days from now. They are all online through the learning interface, Blackboard. For some flipping reason, I have not been granted access to set up said courses until today. TODAY! I have spent hours on the phone with Human Resources, my department, the university's technology center...no one can figure out what the hell was going on. It was so freaking frustrating!
Now, I get to spend my ENTIRE weekend (except for right now) building two courses I have never taught before. Luckily, I can build as we progress but the majority of the course needs to be done before I can release the site to the students. Oy!
Let's add in the fact that we started back to regular school (at the middle school) this week. And let me tell you...it hasn't been a pleasant start. I didn't realize how much I did NOT miss them until today. Again, oy!
[Insert loud, obnoxious sigh that I would roll my eyes at if it came from my husband.]
Now, let me paint back on my smile, perfect the nod and go back to pretending that life is grand. Deep down I know that my life is pretty flipping fantastic. But the stress I put on myself is making it difficult.
Three-year-olds are just...awful. I mean this in the best and most honest way. I love them to pieces but year 3 is hard. Three-year-olds have attitudes and opinions. They have tempers and out of control emotions.
The problem is that I, a 33-year-old mother, have the same issues: attitude, opinions for days, a temper and out of control emotions. The mix of all of us together is a walking hormonal nightmare. The only true difference between my 3-year-olds and me is that 1) I can drive. 2) I can drink. 3) I don't throw myself onto the floor of the produce section of the grocery store.
However, there are windows in the day where three-year-olds are just the absolute best! Their genuine love of everything. It is always "the best ever" and they "love you soooo much". They tell the greatest stories. So great that I am never sure if the story is fiction or not. I hope fiction...they can get crazy! All of their songs come with hand motions...even the songs they make up in their head. They believe in magic, imaginary friends, peace, love, hope, and me.
They really are spectacular little people. I didn't really mean that they are awful earlier...but parenting got real this year. We can legit screw up our kids now. I feel like before age three, they have no recollection on what the hell we've done or said to them. Now they will remember all of our mistakes and missteps. They will officially need therapy from their childhoods. It is quite the pressure.
Raising one 3 year old is challenging. Raising two 3-year-olds is impossible! Ha! They couldn't be more different from one another either. They really are opposites.
Max is the particular one...some may say OCD. He loves to cheat at board games. Hates to lose...whether that be a game or racing to his bedroom. He screams when he is upset. Like scream-screams. Not little toddler tantrums. Like he is summoning demons from deep inside...exorcist style. Like a Gremlin being fed after midnight. He has broken this mama's heart with phrases like "I don't love you" and "You are a mean mom" and "Get away from me".
But he is also the most loving boy ever. He loves me hardcore. He snuggles and rocks with me every night. He dances to songs in his head and has some pretty good moves. He knows every word to every song on the radio. (This may not be a great parenting move by us.) He is SO smart. I don't mean because he is my kid. He really is a gifted child. We joke that he is our future engineer. He is a self-anointed "Puzzle Master" as he can put together large puzzles meant for someone twice his age. This is most likely the reason he is also in more trouble at school and home than his much calmer sister.
Harper is our free spirit. She marches to the beat of her own drum. Her drum is filled with glitter, rainbows, unicorns, puppies, dolls and dresses. Seriously the girliest of girly girls. She hugs everyone she loves with such force that you know she means it. Her high-pitched voice warms your heart as she says "I love you so much, Mama!" She doesn't know how to run...this was made apparent at our brief 6-week stint as soccer players. She gallops or skips everywhere she goes. This just adds to the girlish charm of the princess.
However, Harper is no angel (although she played one in a Christmas play). She is very calculating. She is seen by most everyone as the sweet one (mainly because everything listed above). However, she knows how to manipulate even the expert preschool teachers. She definitely has her Daddy in her back pocket. She also has a mean pincher...as in her hands. She pinches her brother quietly, but if you ever get a glimpse of her face as she does it...you may have nightmares. It's the three-year-old in her really. She can't help the devilish grin (at least that's what I tell myself to sleep at night).
Like the handmade camel and angel costumes?
Go Royals!
The best part of parenting! (and best part of me!)
PS...more rambling parenting posts to come! -Lisa-
If I had readers at one point...I am sure you have given up on me by now. After all, who wants to be a follower of a blog that randomly posts pictures of some cute kids once a year?! I have struggled with keeping this blog current really since the twins (now 3 1/2!) were one. It seems like life has been a blur. I always have these great hopes but they fall short in every way.
This is why my main goal for 2017 is to BLOG. Like every week? But realistically I would like to make at least 2 posts a month. I used to love writing. Now, I just veg out in front of Netflix when the kids go to bed. (As I am watching "The Crown" right now.) Writing is therapeutic. I think I need it back in my crazy life.
Of course, life is a lot crazier than it was when I was a regular blogger.
1. I have 2 jobs: 1 as a teacher (for 11 years now) and 1 as an adjunct professor. It just so happens I am teaching two new courses that I have never taught before so there's that added stress...
2. Jeremy has a million jobs too (maybe just 3...or 4? I lose count. He is always busy!)
3. Our kids are HUGE! They are getting involved with other activities and well, just big kids now.
4. What the hell do I write about?! I am a different person than I was when I started this blog 5 years ago.
However, I am reinvesting myself into this space. I may not write about interesting topics. I may not make much sense. But I am going to write. I have even set up a reminder every Friday evening to blog.
I do feel the blog has become less about writing to you all. Although, I obviously do. And more about writing down the parts of Max and Harper's life that I don't want to forget. The blog has become the baby books that are sitting in their closets collecting dust.
But somehow believe I have written in their baby books more in the last year than here!
Max and Harper are thriving. They are the most beautiful, intelligent humans. (Biased much?) I know I am nearly 3 years into this Mommy gig but some days I still can't believe that I am their mom. I get to be their person.
Their sweet voices when they say "I love you, Mommy" or being woke up at the side of my bed when they have had a bad dream. All they want is me. I relish in those sweet, tender moments. I love them so much it hurts.
However, there are moments that I forget that this Mommy job is the best ever. Two year olds are frustrating little demons sometimes. (In the best way possible, of course!)
Harper refuses to get dressed for Jeremy and it is a struggle with me too. She is so independent. Every morning the struggle is real.
Max loves to now poop in his pants. He has been potty trained since September. Harper---no accidents ever since November-ish. Max hates poopin on the potty at school. Doesn't mind it so much at home. We are SO over this regression. But his teachers are doing a great job at school of encouraging him and he is making improvements week to week.
Both are amazing little sleepers. They have been going down without fights and staying asleep in their beds all night, except for the occasional "bad dream" that they tell me about.
We have had lots of different adventures over the last few months. Here are just a few to share with you:
Park time
Princess Harpy Harps
Jammy time
Our 2nd dentist visit
Woo-hoo! Shorts!
We love the Spring weather in the winter!
Nothing says St. Patty's Day like a good ole booger
Now that the kids have their own little thoughts and ideas, conversations are getting pretty freaking hilarious. I am laughing non-stop about their stories, facial expressions, excitement about life, and questions about life. I wanted to write down some of these conversations so I could have a record of them.
Every night I put them to bed by singing our usual songs: "Jesus Loves Me", "Twinkle, Twinkle", "A Bushel and Peck" (We call it the I Love You Song), and Mommy-created songs that are referred to as Max's Song and Harpy's Song.
After singing in my beautiful and on-key voice, I usually pray with them and we talk about what we are going to dream about. On one particular night, Harper insisted that I dream about Grampa. This prompted a deep discussion on Heaven (as you know my dad passed away in June).
Max: Grampa lives in Heaven with God and Jesus. We will never see him again.
Me: We will see him again. When we go to Heaven.
Max: I don't want to go to Heaven. I want to stay here with you.
Me: We only go to Heaven when God and Jesus need us to.
Max: Can Grampa come back to us?
Me: No, honey.
Max: Well, I don't like God and Jesus.
Harper: I don't like God and Jesus either.
Me: No, we LOVE God and Jesus. They made us. They created everything that we love.
Max: Like Paw Patrol?
Me: Yes, even Paw Patrol. And the flowers, and the sky. And God even made you!
Harper: Are God and Jesus nice?
Me: Oh,yes.
Max: And we see them when we die?
Harper: Grampa was sick.
Me: Yes, Grampa was sick and he died to go live in Heaven.
Harper: When I am sick I go to the doctor.
Me: We go to the doctor to get better. Grampa just couldn't get better so God took him to Heaven. We will see him when we go to Heaven.
Max: I don't want to get sick.
Me: Grampa was old, remember. He was ready to go to Heaven. We aren't ready yet.
Max: I miss Grampa
Me: Me too, buddy.
(Oh, boy. That was a rough one. I thought I was in the clear. There was silence. And then...)
Harper: We remember Grampa.
Me: We will always remember Grampa. We hold him in our heart with all of the other people that love us.
Harper: Like the heart on my shirt?
Me: No,like the heart inside us.
Harper: So, Grampa is in my body???!!! (disgusted confusion)
Me: Let's just go to bed.
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At the dinner table after "school".
Harper: I have a booboo and need a Rapunzel bandaid.
Me: Ok. I'll get you one after bath.
Max: I have an owie too.
Me: What happened?
Max: This little kid (mind you he is referring to a 5 year old) pushed me down when he was on the scooter.
Me: Did he say sorry?
Max: No, he hugged me. I pushed him down because I didn't want his dumb hug.
Me: That wasn't very nice.
Max: But Mom he did it on purpose.
(sigh)
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On the way to school with Jeremy the other day.
Jeremy: Do you guys want to count birds on the way to school this morning?
Both of them: YEAHHHHHH
Max: Look, I see a goose crab
Harper: A good crab? (Harper chuckle)
Jeremy: What's a goose crab?
Max: A big bird that walks close to the ground
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While watching The Good Dinosaur. (Spoiler alert!)
Max: Papa died.
Me: Yes, but he went to Heaven.
Max: No, he didn't.
Me: Yes, he did. He will live with God and Jesus.
Max: Mom, it's just a dinosaur movie.
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In the morning before school. I already left for work.
Harper: Where's Mom?
Jeremy: She's at work. Why?
Harper: I want my hair done.
Jeremy: I'll do your hair, honey.
Harper: No, no, no.
Jeremy: Why?
Harper: You'll make me look crazy.
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Harper: (during a commercial of a favorite show): It's coming back on, Max. I promise.
Max: No. You don't say promise. I say promise.
Jeremy: So, you own the word 'promise', Max?
Max: Yes I do (nodding head)
Jeremy: Ok. How much did you pay for it?
Max: Sixty bucks.
(schooled)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Updates in pictures to come soon! I have the day off while new hardwood floors are installed in my house.
I hate to say that I hated 2015, but it is quite possibly the worst year I've lived. Not because of my kids though. I look back and the pictures of our year are pretty fantastic. It makes me think that maybe my year wasn't so awful after all.
But then I remember the family altering, heartbreaking events from April 5-June 6. My dad got sick, fought hard and became our guardian angel. This was the hardest loss of my life. There isn't a day that I don't think of him. He would love watching Max and Harper grow. I feel like he has missed so much, but I have to remind myself that he is with us. He gets to hear Max's smart and witty comebacks. He smiles at Harper's infectious giggle. He wraps his arms around me when I cry. He is here with us.
I always make some attempt at new year goals or resolutions. Last year, I failed. However, I really am ready this time. I don't like the body I've created, the relationship I've strained with my husband, or the Christian woman I failed to become.
So as in year's past, here is my list:
1. Lose weight. For real this time. I can't eat my feelings. It's time.
2. Stop saying things I don't mean. Don't hurt others and watch my language. I want to set a good example for my kids.
3. Work on becoming a better partner to my husband. Don't blame or hurt. Just love.
4. Heal. Body, mind, soul. It's my year of healing. I want to say at the end of 2016 that I transformed. It's possible. I just need to stick with it.
I hope this next year is all you want and need. It's always exciting to have a clean slate and fresh start. Happy 2016!
