After infertility and loss, I am still struggling with the idea that this pregnancy may deliver two healthy babies. Most days, I feel so excited about the babies and other days I feel so worried that something could still happen. It is horrible to have those kinds of days.
Earlier this week, I had cramping and spotting. I nearly lost my mind! I was at work and in the middle of teaching students. Luckily, I work with amazing people who took over for me so I could make an emergency run to the doctor. The ultrasound showed two healthy, bouncing, flipping babies. They couldn't be more healthy, in fact. They think the bleed could be caused by a couple of things but none they are concerned with. They will monitor me closely in the next couple of weeks. The spotting has nearly stopped now, so that is great news!
I think incidents like this bring the idea to the forefront of my mind that this pregnancy could still have issues. I pray everyday for the health of these precious babies. I know that worrying constantly isn't going to do any good. I am doing the best that I can to take care of me and them. God is in control and His Will is in full effect. It is still so hard to hand all of that over to Him everyday, but I am getting better.
We do find out what Baby A and Baby B are!! I can't wait until Wednesday when we hopefully get a glimpse of their "goods." I hope they cooperate because we need to know. I have a strong feeling that it is two girls. I have had dreams that they are girls. Jeremy really thinks we are getting one of each, which would be awesome! I don't think either of us care too much though!
I have cleaned out the nursery closet. Currently that room is our office and it is filled with everything! I can't believe we had all of that junk shoved into one closet. We wound up pitching two garbage bags filled with old papers and documents that we no longer needed. It feels good to start a project for the babies. I am really looking forward to my Spring break when we will start painting the nursery and putting things together.
I will update the blog next week when we find out genders! I promise. I am also thinking of new titles for my blog. (Still) Trying to Conceive doesn't seem to work anymore. I want to still honor our infertility but also our joy to the ending we have been blessed with. Any ideas for titles? I am kind of stuck.
-Lisa-
Friday, February 22, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Hubby + Growing Babies = 3 Special Valentine's!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!
I am not a huge fan of this day. I love my husband, friends and family everyday and so always thought the day to be meaningless. If I am not loving everyday, then what the heck am I doing in this world?! So sorry that I am a little cynical.
It doesn't help that I am a teacher for tweens. I HATE Valentine's Day when it falls on a school day. The kids are C-R-A-Z-Y! Flowers, balloons, candy, stuffed animals, etc. all throughout the classroom and the school. So, the day has most definitely lost its luster in the last eight years since I saw it through a teacher's eyes.
Granted, Jeremy and I still will go to dinner. Maybe tomorrow night since I am exhausted from parent-teacher conferences all week. But we most likely would have gone anyway. I love my husband SO much. I really, really do.
He was an amazing husband all through infertility. He was a champ at being our cheerleader even when I was in a negative place. He prays fervently for our growing babies. He is just wonderful! I even love him after he said, "I loved you more than I thought I could. But now that you are carrying my babies, I love you so much more!"
UPDATES:
I am feeling the babes!!! When I lay still and especially on my back, I can feel what feels like hamsters spinning on a wheel. It is the most amazing feeling ever and I only wish and hope that all of you will get to experience that same elation.
We find out the genders in less than two weeks! I am so excited. I feel like when we know the genders, we can finally make a baby purchase. We have yet to buy anything for babies except for a new closet system for the nursery.
My belly is a-growin' up a storm! I feel enormous most days. I swear it just pops out overnight. I have found a good sleeping position that suffices comfort-wise. However, the 5-6 bathroom visits in a night are not creating a great sleeping environment.
I am so in love with them and can't wait to hold them in my arms.
-Lisa-
I am not a huge fan of this day. I love my husband, friends and family everyday and so always thought the day to be meaningless. If I am not loving everyday, then what the heck am I doing in this world?! So sorry that I am a little cynical.
It doesn't help that I am a teacher for tweens. I HATE Valentine's Day when it falls on a school day. The kids are C-R-A-Z-Y! Flowers, balloons, candy, stuffed animals, etc. all throughout the classroom and the school. So, the day has most definitely lost its luster in the last eight years since I saw it through a teacher's eyes.
Granted, Jeremy and I still will go to dinner. Maybe tomorrow night since I am exhausted from parent-teacher conferences all week. But we most likely would have gone anyway. I love my husband SO much. I really, really do.
He was an amazing husband all through infertility. He was a champ at being our cheerleader even when I was in a negative place. He prays fervently for our growing babies. He is just wonderful! I even love him after he said, "I loved you more than I thought I could. But now that you are carrying my babies, I love you so much more!"
UPDATES:
I am feeling the babes!!! When I lay still and especially on my back, I can feel what feels like hamsters spinning on a wheel. It is the most amazing feeling ever and I only wish and hope that all of you will get to experience that same elation.
We find out the genders in less than two weeks! I am so excited. I feel like when we know the genders, we can finally make a baby purchase. We have yet to buy anything for babies except for a new closet system for the nursery.
My belly is a-growin' up a storm! I feel enormous most days. I swear it just pops out overnight. I have found a good sleeping position that suffices comfort-wise. However, the 5-6 bathroom visits in a night are not creating a great sleeping environment.
I am so in love with them and can't wait to hold them in my arms.
-Lisa-
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I am getting excited!!!
I love that so many of my pregnant bloggers are so organized. That is SO NOT ME! They have gorgeous belly pics and wonderful weekly updates. I am so disorganized and scatter-brained (especially as of lately) that I probably will never make those wonderfully informative posts.
However, here is a 13w5d belly pic. Morning sickness has nearly all subsided. I don't sleep well at all but it will all be worth it. I have some pretty gnarly side cramps but nothing I can't handle. The time seems to be creep by and I just want those babies to be here already!
I had my very first perinatal specialist appointment today. After an hour wait(!!!), we finally got to meet Dr. Finley. We had a 30 minute ultrasound. It was amazing!! I can't believe how much they have grown since we saw them 5 weeks ago. They really look like babies now. They were jumping and flipping around making it difficult for the doctor to get measurements. Even though we didn't do the Down's syndrome screening, he measured the fold of their neck. They were perfectly perfect. Heart rates were 163 and 156. They measured ahead at 14w1d even though I am 13w5d today. Baby A had his hand around his face and in his mouth. Even the creepy face shot that looked like an alien was too cute to me. I go back to the perinatal doctor February 27 to see if we can find out the genders!! I thought I was going to have to wait longer, so I am SO excited! I am so ready to be their mom! Here are some new pictures.
I also get a FREE (yes, FREE!) ultrasound next Friday. The Lord provides ways to ease my stress and anxiety from last week. A friend turned me onto some ultrasound training going on. They were looking for pregnant women 6-22 weeks to "practice" on. They were super excited to hear that I have twins. In fact, they are bringing in more people to watch the ultrasound to learn. Bonus...I get to see them again!
-Lisa-
However, here is a 13w5d belly pic. Morning sickness has nearly all subsided. I don't sleep well at all but it will all be worth it. I have some pretty gnarly side cramps but nothing I can't handle. The time seems to be creep by and I just want those babies to be here already!
I had my very first perinatal specialist appointment today. After an hour wait(!!!), we finally got to meet Dr. Finley. We had a 30 minute ultrasound. It was amazing!! I can't believe how much they have grown since we saw them 5 weeks ago. They really look like babies now. They were jumping and flipping around making it difficult for the doctor to get measurements. Even though we didn't do the Down's syndrome screening, he measured the fold of their neck. They were perfectly perfect. Heart rates were 163 and 156. They measured ahead at 14w1d even though I am 13w5d today. Baby A had his hand around his face and in his mouth. Even the creepy face shot that looked like an alien was too cute to me. I go back to the perinatal doctor February 27 to see if we can find out the genders!! I thought I was going to have to wait longer, so I am SO excited! I am so ready to be their mom! Here are some new pictures.
I also get a FREE (yes, FREE!) ultrasound next Friday. The Lord provides ways to ease my stress and anxiety from last week. A friend turned me onto some ultrasound training going on. They were looking for pregnant women 6-22 weeks to "practice" on. They were super excited to hear that I have twins. In fact, they are bringing in more people to watch the ultrasound to learn. Bonus...I get to see them again!
-Lisa-
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Their First 5k
Baby A & Baby B participated in their first 5k today!! I am sure they were just rolling around, enjoying the ride in there.
I took it easy on them though. I didn't really run. My sister (also her first 5k) and I just power walked for the most part. When we saw the finish line, we jogged the rest of the way. Either to feel like we finished strong or because we wanted to pass the older gentleman in front of us. We walked the 5k in 44 or so minutes. Not bad considering my first ever 5k that I actually "tried" running was 37 minutes!!
It was a lot of fun and I am sure babies had fun too! We signed up for this race awhile back and I am just glad we were still able to do it.
I am feeling much better nowadays. Morning sickness isn't every day and in fact I have had a few days now where I haven't had it at all. I am still exhausted with no energy but feeling a bit normal. I have a lot of round ligament pain on my right side. I know that is just a sign that my body is stretching even more to accommodate the little beans. I am up about 12 pounds which is right on track for being 13 weeks pregnant with twinsies.
I appreciate all of the comments on the ultrasound situation. I realize that I am just being crazy but I can't help but be overprotective over them. I love them SO much already and just want them to be healthy and growing on track. We did find a private ultrasound place that would do one if we paid out of pocket so if I get desperate enough...that is where we are headed.
-Lisa-
I took it easy on them though. I didn't really run. My sister (also her first 5k) and I just power walked for the most part. When we saw the finish line, we jogged the rest of the way. Either to feel like we finished strong or because we wanted to pass the older gentleman in front of us. We walked the 5k in 44 or so minutes. Not bad considering my first ever 5k that I actually "tried" running was 37 minutes!!
It was a lot of fun and I am sure babies had fun too! We signed up for this race awhile back and I am just glad we were still able to do it.
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| My sister, Me, Babies
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I appreciate all of the comments on the ultrasound situation. I realize that I am just being crazy but I can't help but be overprotective over them. I love them SO much already and just want them to be healthy and growing on track. We did find a private ultrasound place that would do one if we paid out of pocket so if I get desperate enough...that is where we are headed.
-Lisa-
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I Feel Like...
First of all, I feel like I am getting the shaft when it comes to ultrasounds. When I was with my RE, Dr. Kim, I had an ultrasound every week. I haven't seen MY BABIES for four weeks! I have heard heartbeats a couple of times, but not SEEN them. And I won't see them until our 20 week gender scan in...wait for it...7 more weeks!
I know that twins nowadays are more normal than they used to be. I know that I am not necessarily "high risk" but I just feel like I am being treated like a regular pregnancy so far. Maybe that is how it should be...I don't know. I am new at this whole pregnant thing. I have appointments every four weeks until we hit 20 weeks. Then the plan is to have appointments every two weeks.
So my question to you guys (the wiser ones), is this normal?? Am I just worried for nothing? I know I got spoiled with Dr. Kim but I just feel like I should see them on the screen. By the time 20 weeks hits, I won't have seen them for nearly 12 weeks!! That is insane!
I have questioned them multiple times but they said since they can find the two heartbeats and they are healthy heartbeats that I don't need an ultrasound. But I want one!
We turned down the NT scan. I know we could have seen them then but it really isn't as accurate with twins and to be honest, it doesn't matter to us. We aren't going to terminate the pregnancy so we are fine with that choice.
So, sorry for the rant. But I am concerned that I am not seeing them as much as I should. So please let me know if this is normal or not.
-Lisa-
I know that twins nowadays are more normal than they used to be. I know that I am not necessarily "high risk" but I just feel like I am being treated like a regular pregnancy so far. Maybe that is how it should be...I don't know. I am new at this whole pregnant thing. I have appointments every four weeks until we hit 20 weeks. Then the plan is to have appointments every two weeks.
So my question to you guys (the wiser ones), is this normal?? Am I just worried for nothing? I know I got spoiled with Dr. Kim but I just feel like I should see them on the screen. By the time 20 weeks hits, I won't have seen them for nearly 12 weeks!! That is insane!
I have questioned them multiple times but they said since they can find the two heartbeats and they are healthy heartbeats that I don't need an ultrasound. But I want one!
We turned down the NT scan. I know we could have seen them then but it really isn't as accurate with twins and to be honest, it doesn't matter to us. We aren't going to terminate the pregnancy so we are fine with that choice.
So, sorry for the rant. But I am concerned that I am not seeing them as much as I should. So please let me know if this is normal or not.
-Lisa-
Monday, January 21, 2013
Welcome ICLW!
I am so glad to get back into ICLW. I took the month of December off so I could have a break during the holidays and also didn't want to spill my news too early.
You are welcome to look through my TTC Timeline. We received the best news EVER around Thanksgiving. Our IUI #2 worked. We then found out in December that we were having TWINS. I am now 12w2d.
I thought that once I got pregnant, I would be able to relax. SO, not the case. I have been a nervous wreck since finding out about the twins. I just pray non-stop that they both decide to hang around for at least 24 more weeks or so.
Our journey seems to be changing over to parenthood and I struggle with making this change. We have TTC for 3.5 years and that has been our life. We are so excited about this next chapter of infertility but it is uncharted territory for us.
So, welcome! Ask questions, leave comments, and I look forward to following some all new blogs in the process.
-Lisa-
You are welcome to look through my TTC Timeline. We received the best news EVER around Thanksgiving. Our IUI #2 worked. We then found out in December that we were having TWINS. I am now 12w2d.
I thought that once I got pregnant, I would be able to relax. SO, not the case. I have been a nervous wreck since finding out about the twins. I just pray non-stop that they both decide to hang around for at least 24 more weeks or so.
Our journey seems to be changing over to parenthood and I struggle with making this change. We have TTC for 3.5 years and that has been our life. We are so excited about this next chapter of infertility but it is uncharted territory for us.
So, welcome! Ask questions, leave comments, and I look forward to following some all new blogs in the process.
-Lisa-
Friday, January 11, 2013
Dazed & Confused @ 11 weeks
Happy Friday, everyone!
I have tried to write a post for over a week and just now getting around to it. I am struggling with this new role as "pregnant infertile". I don't quite know how to deal with living a double life which also means I don't know what to write about.
Nearly my entire marriage has been about trying to get pregnant. It became my identity. Now, although I am ecstatic, I don't know where or how I fit that role anymore. It is a strange but also a glorious place to be in.
I feel as if I have not allowed myself to feel excited yet. Being the infertile skeptic, I am waiting for the bad news to come. Every pinch, tweak, cramp, symptom disappearing, headache, makes me think it is all over. It is exhausting! I don't sleep because when I do I dream about horrible results of this pregnancy. I am truly a basket case.
I was supposed to have my new OB appointment today. I got a call this morning that the nurse practitioner was sick and so I had to reschedule for Wednesday. This panicked me. I begged and cried to just see someone, anyone today. I just wanted to make sure the babies were still doing well. One of the doctors had an opening so I took it.
It wasn't a "real" appointment. They used the doppler to make sure everything sounded good. Both babies are still there and moving like crazy. The heartbeats were 174 and 170. She said they kept moving around so she had to keep moving the doppler. I was so relieved.
The bad news is that I am spilling too much protein in my urine. I have to admit that I haven't really been eating as much I should. I am just not hungry but I have to start forcing myself. I have gained 7.5 pounds and they want me around 11 pounds by now. So my goal is to try and feed my face as much as possible.
I started showing a bit last week. This week, I am having a hard time covering up my bump. I keep waiting for one of my overzealous 7th graders to shout out that I have got fat or something. So far, they don't seem to notice. One girl did ask why I have been wearing jackets everyday. She accepted the simple "I am cold" response and moved on. I am not brave enough to post my growing mid section for the world to see. Maybe when I look clearly pregnant and not like I ate too much McDonalds, I will post something.
Hopefully I will have some new pictures of the beans on Wednesday to post here! Have a great weekend!
-Lisa-
I have tried to write a post for over a week and just now getting around to it. I am struggling with this new role as "pregnant infertile". I don't quite know how to deal with living a double life which also means I don't know what to write about.
Nearly my entire marriage has been about trying to get pregnant. It became my identity. Now, although I am ecstatic, I don't know where or how I fit that role anymore. It is a strange but also a glorious place to be in.
I feel as if I have not allowed myself to feel excited yet. Being the infertile skeptic, I am waiting for the bad news to come. Every pinch, tweak, cramp, symptom disappearing, headache, makes me think it is all over. It is exhausting! I don't sleep because when I do I dream about horrible results of this pregnancy. I am truly a basket case.
I was supposed to have my new OB appointment today. I got a call this morning that the nurse practitioner was sick and so I had to reschedule for Wednesday. This panicked me. I begged and cried to just see someone, anyone today. I just wanted to make sure the babies were still doing well. One of the doctors had an opening so I took it.
It wasn't a "real" appointment. They used the doppler to make sure everything sounded good. Both babies are still there and moving like crazy. The heartbeats were 174 and 170. She said they kept moving around so she had to keep moving the doppler. I was so relieved.
The bad news is that I am spilling too much protein in my urine. I have to admit that I haven't really been eating as much I should. I am just not hungry but I have to start forcing myself. I have gained 7.5 pounds and they want me around 11 pounds by now. So my goal is to try and feed my face as much as possible.
I started showing a bit last week. This week, I am having a hard time covering up my bump. I keep waiting for one of my overzealous 7th graders to shout out that I have got fat or something. So far, they don't seem to notice. One girl did ask why I have been wearing jackets everyday. She accepted the simple "I am cold" response and moved on. I am not brave enough to post my growing mid section for the world to see. Maybe when I look clearly pregnant and not like I ate too much McDonalds, I will post something.
Hopefully I will have some new pictures of the beans on Wednesday to post here! Have a great weekend!
-Lisa-
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