Faith

The silence of infertility can be deafening.  I cry out time and time again with all the strength I can muster.  I find myself begging with God, pleading with God, bargaining with God. Yet He chooses to remain silent.  I try making promises.  I do all I can do. If I thought He expected something, I have done it. If giving to others would help, I would give every earthly possession I have. For some unknown reason, God seems to be doing nothing.

When I feel hopeless, I fall into the arms of God. They are strong enough to hold me and they’ll catch me every single time. For you see, when you can go no further and your strength is gone, His strength becomes perfect in our weakness. And you know that terrifying stillness in the dark times? Those times when God seems a million miles away? Even though you know He can do anything, you’re just so afraid He won’t. Whenever I need proof that God is working in my life, all I need to do is simply turn my hand palm up and look at the inside of my wrist.

On the insides of my wrists you can see my blood vessels as clearly as though I had no skin.  To me, these bluish tubes buried just below the surface appear stagnant. No movement. No action. To my eyes, they appear as nothing more than streaks of color on my arms. I don’t feel anything. No throbbing. No pressure. They have no sound. If I didn’t see them, I wouldn’t know they are even there.

But what is the reality?  Blood is pumping through those tiny veins keeping me alive. I can't feel it, I can't see it...but it is there.

Are you beginning to see where I’m headed?   Just as I am blissfully unaware of the blood in my body flowing, working, moving through my veins, God through Christ is flowing, working and moving through the story of my life!

I may not see Him.  I may not hear Him.  I don’t have to! That doesn’t squash His ability!  I may have never been as aware as I am now, but He’s been working on my life since long before my birth, and He’s working for me even now. As I write these words, He’s working.  When tears stream down my face, He’s working. As my hopes rise and fall, He’s working.  As I find those few precious moments when I forget I have a problem, He’s working. He never stops working on my behalf. And He never will.

It is such an amazing feeling! I have FAITH that He is working in my life and He has a plan designed especially for me. I can rest easy knowing the Almighty is in charge of my life.

-Lisa-