Mother's Day has always been a dreaded holiday. I love my Mom so I just focused on showering her with love and avoided the thoughts that I may never be a mother myself. It was too painful to imagine.
So, although, this year is different as we await the arrival of Max and Harper...I still hold a special place in my heart for the many friends that are sad today. I pray for you today and always.
"A mother is not defined by the number of children she can see, but by the love she holds in your heart."
-Lisa-
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
28 Weeks & Thank God for Crafty Friends!
Well, I am 28 weeks pregnant! Crazy talk, I know! The babies are still vertex and seem to have dropped lower. My hips and back are starting to hurt but I just know that means they are getting ready for their departure. I only hope they wait awhile. They are too tiny now. I want to get them to at least 5 pounds before they meet the world.
This was my bump last week (27 weeks). I don't think I am bigger but my belly now hangs lower.
My ankles swell at the end of the day. I thought I had cankles before but now they have become epic in size! My wedding ring has to come off at the end of the day until the swelling goes down by morning. I know there will come a time when the ring will have to be taken off entirely. This is hard for me since I love wearing my ring and never take it off.
The nursery is nearly complete. We hung the last of the antiques last weekend. I found two antique shelves at an antique store that are painted in a yellowish hue. They go well in the room. They are recent purchases. However, I found this old window about 3 years ago. It was painted yellow and the glass had the blue flowers painted on it. At the time, I envisioned stripping the paint off and painting a different color. I admit that after I cleaned it up, I rather like the window just the way I found it. It goes with the room. Jeremy had a heck of a time getting it anchored securely to the wall. It hangs above our changing table with one of the shelves.
I don't have my first baby shower until Memorial Day weekend. However, many good friends and family have been busy crafting, quilting, and making beautiful gifts for Max and Harper. I wish I had an ounce of their abilities. My poor children have a mother who is lacking in that artistic skill. My student teacher from last year (who gets to work at our school next year!! YAY!) made these amazing hats. They match our nursery exactly. I cannot wait to have the twins pose in these hats. It may be their first newborn pictures!
My 12 year old niece made Max and Harper cute blankets. I love how soft they are. Max has the sock monkeys and Harper has the bright, cheerful turtles and elephants. I love them!! Plus, my niece is going to be an amazing babysitter.
I have mentioned many times how great this infertility community has been. I have met women who I genuinely care about even though we have never met. It is crazy how you can develop a friendship and companionship without ever really knowing them. One of these many bloggers is a sweet and caring gal who is one of the most upbeat supportive people. She is had a heck of a time dealing with her infertility and I pray for her often. She has decided to make quilts for the babies of infertiles. I nearly cried when I received these in the mail. I LOVE them!
It could be now anywhere between 6 weeks and 9 weeks that Max and Harper are in our arms! I am so excited!
-Lisa-
This was my bump last week (27 weeks). I don't think I am bigger but my belly now hangs lower.
My ankles swell at the end of the day. I thought I had cankles before but now they have become epic in size! My wedding ring has to come off at the end of the day until the swelling goes down by morning. I know there will come a time when the ring will have to be taken off entirely. This is hard for me since I love wearing my ring and never take it off.
The nursery is nearly complete. We hung the last of the antiques last weekend. I found two antique shelves at an antique store that are painted in a yellowish hue. They go well in the room. They are recent purchases. However, I found this old window about 3 years ago. It was painted yellow and the glass had the blue flowers painted on it. At the time, I envisioned stripping the paint off and painting a different color. I admit that after I cleaned it up, I rather like the window just the way I found it. It goes with the room. Jeremy had a heck of a time getting it anchored securely to the wall. It hangs above our changing table with one of the shelves.
My 12 year old niece made Max and Harper cute blankets. I love how soft they are. Max has the sock monkeys and Harper has the bright, cheerful turtles and elephants. I love them!! Plus, my niece is going to be an amazing babysitter.
It could be now anywhere between 6 weeks and 9 weeks that Max and Harper are in our arms! I am so excited!
-Lisa-
Monday, April 22, 2013
Join the Movement
Happy National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)!
I have been thinking about my 'Join the Movement' post for a couple of weeks. I have had some talks with my husband, Jeremy, to see if he had any profound thoughts on the topic. I had to have been desperate! Ha!
Infertility is such a scary, uncertain, heartbreaking, faith shaking, life destroying, relationship ruining, down right sucky, awful, sad, and horrible disease. People don't truly understand that it is a disease. It isn't a misfortunate accident. It isn't something that just happens.
Infertility is a disease. A disease that affects nearly 8 million people in the United States alone (Resolve). Infertility seems to choose the couples that are truly wanting families. Although, infertility doesn't discriminate. All couples are susceptible to the horrors of facing an infertile life.
Some infertiles can solve their issues with medication and ovulation predictors. Some must go onto injections and inseminations. Others move onto the terrifyingly expensive step of IVF. Some have surgery upon surgery to conceive. Many go on to use surrogates, donor eggs, donor sperm, or adoption. And sadly, some face a life of childlessness.
I feel like I have tried to educate people on infertility. When I created this blog in December 2011, some of my friends and family had no idea what Jeremy and I had been through. I felt encouraged by so many friends that came to me to share their stories. I had no idea how many infertiles I knew in my "real" life. Each of their stories touched me, and hopefully, mine helped them in some way as well.
At first, I was shy about our struggles with infertility. I wasn't sure how people would take my willingness to be an open book. I knew that infertility was a disease that most suffered in silence. I wasn't willing to be silent anymore. Even if I made a few people uncomfortable, I know that being open about infertility helped counsel me and many others. Staying silent works for many couples, but I couldn't move forward with all of the built-up sadness and anger. The best way for me to release my emotions in a safe environment was right here.
This blog created a space for me but I also met so many wonderful other infertiles. This is by far the best part about being open to sharing infertility. The blog friends that I have made over the last year are friends that will potentially be a part of my life for a lifetime. I find myself thinking about them, praying for them, and celebrating beside them. These other infertiles are the strongest and most caring individuals that I have met. I am so fortunate that sharing my story led me to their strong support system.
Even though, it seems as if I am on the "other side" of infertility with Max and Harper on their way. I will always be an infertile. It is a part of me and who I am. I will continue to be an advocate for infertiles everywhere. Whether that is sharing my story and success, or just educating the fertile world on what is acceptable and what is not.
So, yes, I have joined the movement! And I don't plan on quitting the movement until infertility is fully recognized as a disease. I won't stop until insurance companies across the country decide to cover these procedures as they would for "elective" procedures. Everyone needs to know what infertility is and how it affects couples. Only with education on the topic can infertility get the recognition from the people who can make changes.
Join the Movement and spread the word of infertility! I know I plan to continue.
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)
-Lisa-
I have been thinking about my 'Join the Movement' post for a couple of weeks. I have had some talks with my husband, Jeremy, to see if he had any profound thoughts on the topic. I had to have been desperate! Ha!
Infertility is such a scary, uncertain, heartbreaking, faith shaking, life destroying, relationship ruining, down right sucky, awful, sad, and horrible disease. People don't truly understand that it is a disease. It isn't a misfortunate accident. It isn't something that just happens.
Infertility is a disease. A disease that affects nearly 8 million people in the United States alone (Resolve). Infertility seems to choose the couples that are truly wanting families. Although, infertility doesn't discriminate. All couples are susceptible to the horrors of facing an infertile life.
Some infertiles can solve their issues with medication and ovulation predictors. Some must go onto injections and inseminations. Others move onto the terrifyingly expensive step of IVF. Some have surgery upon surgery to conceive. Many go on to use surrogates, donor eggs, donor sperm, or adoption. And sadly, some face a life of childlessness.
I feel like I have tried to educate people on infertility. When I created this blog in December 2011, some of my friends and family had no idea what Jeremy and I had been through. I felt encouraged by so many friends that came to me to share their stories. I had no idea how many infertiles I knew in my "real" life. Each of their stories touched me, and hopefully, mine helped them in some way as well.
At first, I was shy about our struggles with infertility. I wasn't sure how people would take my willingness to be an open book. I knew that infertility was a disease that most suffered in silence. I wasn't willing to be silent anymore. Even if I made a few people uncomfortable, I know that being open about infertility helped counsel me and many others. Staying silent works for many couples, but I couldn't move forward with all of the built-up sadness and anger. The best way for me to release my emotions in a safe environment was right here.
This blog created a space for me but I also met so many wonderful other infertiles. This is by far the best part about being open to sharing infertility. The blog friends that I have made over the last year are friends that will potentially be a part of my life for a lifetime. I find myself thinking about them, praying for them, and celebrating beside them. These other infertiles are the strongest and most caring individuals that I have met. I am so fortunate that sharing my story led me to their strong support system.
Even though, it seems as if I am on the "other side" of infertility with Max and Harper on their way. I will always be an infertile. It is a part of me and who I am. I will continue to be an advocate for infertiles everywhere. Whether that is sharing my story and success, or just educating the fertile world on what is acceptable and what is not.
So, yes, I have joined the movement! And I don't plan on quitting the movement until infertility is fully recognized as a disease. I won't stop until insurance companies across the country decide to cover these procedures as they would for "elective" procedures. Everyone needs to know what infertility is and how it affects couples. Only with education on the topic can infertility get the recognition from the people who can make changes.
Join the Movement and spread the word of infertility! I know I plan to continue.
-Lisa-
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Nursery Projects
First of all, Jeremy and I are not the crafty type of people. In fact, I think we are the opposite of crafty. However, we wanted the nursery to be eclectic, unique, and meaningful. So, years ago we started collecting antiques and knick knacks for our future nursery. Because of the items we already had, we needed something for above the cribs that would match that style. After searching, it was clear we were going to have to make our decorations.
The first project we tackled was Maxwell's wall hangings above his crib. I found a great and EASY craft project on Pinterest. We bought embroidery rings at Joann Fabric and also fabric pieces in different shades of yellow and gray. Here were our supplies:
Saturday, April 13, 2013
24 week update
Woo-hoo for viability!! I never thought we would get to 24 weeks. We can breathe a sigh of relief.
I feel like I have been so busy but I look around and nothing is getting done. I start to freak out a bit when I realize that Maxwell & Harper will be here in about 11-13 more weeks. As much as I can't wait to wrap them up and hold them in my arms...Momma and Daddy are not ready!
We have basically figured out daycare. It wasn't easy and we had lots of great options. We have decided to go with this daycare close to our house. We went and toured many centers but fell in love with the staff and facility. We won't need daycare until October 15. I go back to work October 1 and Jeremy is taking his leave at the beginning of October. Hopefully, one more spot will open up before then. At the moment, one of the twins has a spot while the other is waitlisted. The director said that she is sure a spot will open up before then so not to worry.
Our nursery is coming along. I am in the middle of many décor projects at the moment. I am NOT a crafty person so I am definitely out of my element. I will post pictures of the projects in a separate post.
FMLA and insurance is quite the headache but it seems to be working itself out as well.
At my doctor checkup Tuesday, I only gained 5 pounds this month. This is a change from the last appointment where I gained a whopping 10 pounds! I am up 33 pounds. I can't believe how large and in charge I am getting. However, my doctor assures me I am right on track and healthy. She said I will slow down on the weight gain because twin mommies usually load up on the pounds early on. In fact, if you gain 24 pounds before the 24 weeks mark...twins have a greater chance of staying in there longer so they are born at a healthier weight.
One thing that pregnant women may downplay is the movement. I am in complete awe of the punches, kicks, movement, etc. Jeremy is obsessed with watching the belly and feeling it. I think he nearly cried when his hand was kicked hard. I love looking at the belly move. It is a complete miracle and just feel so blessed that we get to experience this. I can't believe that more pregnant women or moms haven't told me about the awesomeness of this stage. I don't even care that I can't sleep because I know that when I feel them punch me, they are thriving.
Max and Harper will grow up knowing how much they were prayed for. They will know what blessings and miracles they truly are. They will also know that God sent them as His perfect timing for us. I can't help but smile and cry happy tears at the thought of holding my precious angels. It puts our whole infertility struggle into perspective.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
-Lisa-
I feel like I have been so busy but I look around and nothing is getting done. I start to freak out a bit when I realize that Maxwell & Harper will be here in about 11-13 more weeks. As much as I can't wait to wrap them up and hold them in my arms...Momma and Daddy are not ready!
We have basically figured out daycare. It wasn't easy and we had lots of great options. We have decided to go with this daycare close to our house. We went and toured many centers but fell in love with the staff and facility. We won't need daycare until October 15. I go back to work October 1 and Jeremy is taking his leave at the beginning of October. Hopefully, one more spot will open up before then. At the moment, one of the twins has a spot while the other is waitlisted. The director said that she is sure a spot will open up before then so not to worry.
Our nursery is coming along. I am in the middle of many décor projects at the moment. I am NOT a crafty person so I am definitely out of my element. I will post pictures of the projects in a separate post.
FMLA and insurance is quite the headache but it seems to be working itself out as well.
At my doctor checkup Tuesday, I only gained 5 pounds this month. This is a change from the last appointment where I gained a whopping 10 pounds! I am up 33 pounds. I can't believe how large and in charge I am getting. However, my doctor assures me I am right on track and healthy. She said I will slow down on the weight gain because twin mommies usually load up on the pounds early on. In fact, if you gain 24 pounds before the 24 weeks mark...twins have a greater chance of staying in there longer so they are born at a healthier weight.
One thing that pregnant women may downplay is the movement. I am in complete awe of the punches, kicks, movement, etc. Jeremy is obsessed with watching the belly and feeling it. I think he nearly cried when his hand was kicked hard. I love looking at the belly move. It is a complete miracle and just feel so blessed that we get to experience this. I can't believe that more pregnant women or moms haven't told me about the awesomeness of this stage. I don't even care that I can't sleep because I know that when I feel them punch me, they are thriving.
Max and Harper will grow up knowing how much they were prayed for. They will know what blessings and miracles they truly are. They will also know that God sent them as His perfect timing for us. I can't help but smile and cry happy tears at the thought of holding my precious angels. It puts our whole infertility struggle into perspective.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
-Lisa-
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Is This for Real?
I recently went back and read my blog posts from last March and April. I was heartbroken and confused. I didn't understand why Jeremy and I were going through infertility. However, by my blog posts, you really couldn't tell. I sound so positive and faithful. I don't think I was that way through most of our struggle. It was interesting to see what a difference a year makes. So for those that are still deep in the infertility struggle, keep up the hope. I know we hear that a lot as infertiles and I wouldn't have believed it if we weren't in the position we are now.
I am on spring break this week and have spent it working on the nursery. I knew there would be no other spare time for me to work on it through the end of the school year so I have kept busy. We painted the walls a light gray. We built a new closet system after we tore the other one out. I steam cleaned the carpets. Tuesday, Nebraska Furniture Mart delivered the furniture. And now it is real. Or is it? I feel like I should pinch myself. I leave the door open so every time I walk by the room, I can smile. I find myself in there just looking at the bedding, sitting in the rocker, and visualizing how wonderful our lives are going to be with Max and Harper.
I still have to decorate with wall decor and shelving but here are some current pictures of the state of the nursery.
On top of the pure elation and excitement, I also am a nervous wreck. Oh, the dreams that I have! Also, since when did TV shows not only have expectant twin mommies...but mommies that lose their twins?! Seriously, it makes me crazy! I freak out when I can't feel them. Although, talking to the doctor today, that is perfectly normal right now. I can't wait until Jeremy is able to feel the movement either. He is going to freak! Here are some ultrasound pics from today:
Happy Spring (kind of)! In KC, we have had cold and snow the last week. It really hasn't felt too much like spring. However, today it was in the 50's so I got my dogger, Bella, out for a 3 mile walk. Boy, am I tired! It felt great to be outside exercising a bit though.
-Lisa-
I am on spring break this week and have spent it working on the nursery. I knew there would be no other spare time for me to work on it through the end of the school year so I have kept busy. We painted the walls a light gray. We built a new closet system after we tore the other one out. I steam cleaned the carpets. Tuesday, Nebraska Furniture Mart delivered the furniture. And now it is real. Or is it? I feel like I should pinch myself. I leave the door open so every time I walk by the room, I can smile. I find myself in there just looking at the bedding, sitting in the rocker, and visualizing how wonderful our lives are going to be with Max and Harper.
I still have to decorate with wall decor and shelving but here are some current pictures of the state of the nursery.
On top of the pure elation and excitement, I also am a nervous wreck. Oh, the dreams that I have! Also, since when did TV shows not only have expectant twin mommies...but mommies that lose their twins?! Seriously, it makes me crazy! I freak out when I can't feel them. Although, talking to the doctor today, that is perfectly normal right now. I can't wait until Jeremy is able to feel the movement either. He is going to freak! Here are some ultrasound pics from today:
 |
| Maxwell's profile (He is so cute!) |
 |
| Maxwell's back squishing Harper's profile |
 |
| They are getting so big! |
Happy Spring (kind of)! In KC, we have had cold and snow the last week. It really hasn't felt too much like spring. However, today it was in the 50's so I got my dogger, Bella, out for a 3 mile walk. Boy, am I tired! It felt great to be outside exercising a bit though.
-Lisa-
Friday, March 15, 2013
Holy 20 weeks!!
If you would have asked me three years ago, or even 6 months ago, if I would ever get to this point...I would have told you that you were crazy! I cannot believe we are at the 20 weeks mark. I feel so blessed. I can't even begin to explain the pure elation. I cry when I think too hard about how God has blessed us.
I used to pray every day and night for a baby. I faltered in my faith often and thought God had abandoned us. I am so glad that He is a giving and FORgiving God. He not only had a plan for us and our family...He forgave us when we didn't trust in Him.
My belly is in a word...GINORMOUS! I can't believe it is going to get any bigger. I wake up and look in the mirror and gasp. I love having this huge belly because it means my babes are coming sooner and sooner....
Which also has me freaking out!!
*The nursery furniture was just ordered last week
*The bedding came in today!! I love it! It is yellow, white, and gray.
*We registered at BuyBuyBaby but still need to register at Target
*We need to pick out paint, buy paint, and paint the nursery before the furniture arrives in 10 days
*Heck, we need to clear out the nursery and move our office furniture to the basement
*We need to find a daycare center for the twins...we tour a few of them in a couple of weeks
I am in nesting mode which means I am stressed out when I can't get done what I need done. Which also means that Jeremy is doomed. He has mastered the smile and nod really well.
The last couple of weeks (actually months) have also been very difficult on our family. Jeremy's grandparents have both been ill and in and out of hospital and nursing homes. I lost my last grandparent almost 6 years ago so Jeremy's grandparents have been my own. In fact, his grandparents have always treated me like one of their own grand kids. We visited with them extensively about our fertility issues. They are Christians and prayed with us and for us.
It was so exciting to tell them back in December that twins were on the way. We all cried. It was shortly after that announcement when their health declined at a rapid pace. We lost Grandma on March 6. Jeremy and I were the last family members to see her before she passed. I can't begin to describe how much my heart aches. She was an amazing woman. I have felt like I need to be the strong one and support Jeremy and his family. So I have tried to cover my pain and dry my tears. But I miss her dearly. I am also heartbroken that Grandma won't ever get to hold Max and Harper. We decided to honor Grandma as well. Harper's full name is now Harper Evelynn Rose. Rose was Grandma's middle name. Now she will always be a part of our family.
I told my classes why I would be gone one day. One of my sixth grade students raised her hand and said the most profound thing, "I guess your grandma was special because she needed two souls to replace hers." I wanted to hug her and cry.
Grandpa still needs prayers and is in the nursing home. We will see him every weekend. We saw him Monday and he knew who we were and was up ready to visit. I just pray he gets stronger and stronger.
Sorry for the long post but there was a lot to update. I always plan to write on the blog more frequently and then life gets in the way. I do read all of the blog updates daily but never get around to writing my own!
-Lisa-
I used to pray every day and night for a baby. I faltered in my faith often and thought God had abandoned us. I am so glad that He is a giving and FORgiving God. He not only had a plan for us and our family...He forgave us when we didn't trust in Him.
My belly is in a word...GINORMOUS! I can't believe it is going to get any bigger. I wake up and look in the mirror and gasp. I love having this huge belly because it means my babes are coming sooner and sooner....
Which also has me freaking out!!
*The nursery furniture was just ordered last week
*The bedding came in today!! I love it! It is yellow, white, and gray.
*We registered at BuyBuyBaby but still need to register at Target
*We need to pick out paint, buy paint, and paint the nursery before the furniture arrives in 10 days
*Heck, we need to clear out the nursery and move our office furniture to the basement
*We need to find a daycare center for the twins...we tour a few of them in a couple of weeks
I am in nesting mode which means I am stressed out when I can't get done what I need done. Which also means that Jeremy is doomed. He has mastered the smile and nod really well.
The last couple of weeks (actually months) have also been very difficult on our family. Jeremy's grandparents have both been ill and in and out of hospital and nursing homes. I lost my last grandparent almost 6 years ago so Jeremy's grandparents have been my own. In fact, his grandparents have always treated me like one of their own grand kids. We visited with them extensively about our fertility issues. They are Christians and prayed with us and for us.
It was so exciting to tell them back in December that twins were on the way. We all cried. It was shortly after that announcement when their health declined at a rapid pace. We lost Grandma on March 6. Jeremy and I were the last family members to see her before she passed. I can't begin to describe how much my heart aches. She was an amazing woman. I have felt like I need to be the strong one and support Jeremy and his family. So I have tried to cover my pain and dry my tears. But I miss her dearly. I am also heartbroken that Grandma won't ever get to hold Max and Harper. We decided to honor Grandma as well. Harper's full name is now Harper Evelynn Rose. Rose was Grandma's middle name. Now she will always be a part of our family.
I told my classes why I would be gone one day. One of my sixth grade students raised her hand and said the most profound thing, "I guess your grandma was special because she needed two souls to replace hers." I wanted to hug her and cry.
Grandpa still needs prayers and is in the nursing home. We will see him every weekend. We saw him Monday and he knew who we were and was up ready to visit. I just pray he gets stronger and stronger.
Sorry for the long post but there was a lot to update. I always plan to write on the blog more frequently and then life gets in the way. I do read all of the blog updates daily but never get around to writing my own!
-Lisa-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)