Giving God Thanks (even for the crappy stuff!)

Happy Monday to you all!

I hope your Monday after the long weekend was as good as mine. My kids weren't horrible today. They were productive and for middle schoolers...sweet. Did I just say that? Watch, tomorrow will be awful. That is how their minds work...make me believe they are wonderful and then BAM...back to normal pre-teens! Oh, how I love them though.

Yesterday, we sat and listened to one of those mind-blowing sermons. It really hit home with me to the point I was in tears. I would open my eyes really wide hoping to keep the tears in, but there was no way I could stop them. I wish that our church had posted the sermon already because it truly was one I would share with everyone, all faiths, all backgrounds. Especially the infertile.

It was based on Thanksgiving and how along the way we have lost sight of what Thanksgiving was established for...to thank God. I mean think about it...how often do you do things for other people and you don't get accolades or thanks? It happens quite frequently and it ticks me off! I often in my passive-aggressive way will say "You're welcome" even when a "Thank you" wasn't uttered.

Well, we do that to God. Even when we look at our lives and see nothing to be thankful for...thank God because he has done everything for you and will continue to do so. Our pastor even mentioned that the not-so-thankful moments in our life we should praise and thank God because He has laid this in front of us for His purposes and Will.

I can't do the sermon justice and if I see that they post this message, I will post it here. Truly eye-opening. I have found many more moments the last 24 hours to thank God. I realized I don't do that nearly enough. I find myself asking for things instead of praising Him for what He has provided for me.

I hope you all have a great week!
(Only 4 more posts for NaBloPoMo!)

-Lisa-

Andrew McCarthy in 1987? Sure.

I have got nothing today...my brain is spent. I think I just need to sleep the day away, or at least WISH I could do that. But that won't happen, sadly. Sundays are somewhat busy days for us. I especially dread the Sunday evening rut. Just knowing I have to get up early and go to work puts me in a bad mood. It makes it ten times worse when I have had a FIVE day weekend. I just know when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning, I am going to wish I could go back in time to Wednesday when this Thanksgiving break started. Ugh! At least our winter break isn't too far off!

Since I am out of writing ideas, I am going to use a NaBloPoMo prompt from last week that I never actually wrote about. It asked, "If you had to get locked in some place (book store, amusement park, etc) overnight alone, where would you choose to be locked in?"

I have told you all before how spooked I get. I am easily scared and being anywhere along, overnight would not really be fun for me. However, the more I think I about this question, it would be a department store.

I could sleep in one of their comfy beds, cook food in the kitchen department, try on clothes I would never buy, bathe in shoes (a fantasy?), collect the designer purses, try out perfume, ride the escalator over and over, play with the toys in the toy department, use the aisles as my personal runway, and maybe make friends with the mannequins.

Have you ever seen the 80's movie, Mannequin? I wonder if the mannequins do really come to life? Ha! It would make my department store lock-in definitely interesting!

-Lisa-

 

 

 

Family

My brother's family is in town this weekend. It has been great to have all of my family together in one place. Last night all 16 family members gathered in our tiny, little house. We ate and played games. It was fabulous! It really makes us thankful for what we have right in front of us.

We easily forget how great we have it. And family is at the top of that list. There is no way we could get through infertility without their support and love, not to mention the countless number of prayers they lift up for us!

My nieces and nephew are growing up so fast too. They aren't babies anymore, more reason why we need a baby! They range in age from 20 and about to get married to 12 and in 6th grade. They are just the sweetest, funniest kids around. We love them so much! We are also so lucky to have two adorable nieces on Jeremy's side, including the newest 3 week old addition. All of them perfect. I can't wait till we can add to both broods! It makes me giddy with anticipation.

I thought this Finally onesie was adorable! Hopefully we are able to get this soon!

P.S. The NaBloPoMo countdown is now at 6 more days!

Happy Black Friday!

I hope everyone had an amazingly thankful Thanksgiving. I know that I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with our families. I also stuffed myself until I could barely walk. Seriously. WAY. TOO. MUCH. FOOD. Ugh!

I am also not one of those crazies that brave the crowds of deal-hungry people on Black Friday. We always go shopping the Saturday after Black Friday. It is much calmer and I am not in threat of getting my noggin put in a head lock over electronics.

I did manage to take my mind off of our screwed up cycle. In fact, I really didn't dwell on it at all yesterday. I made my trip to Dr. Kim's office this morning. Good news, no cysts. So we quite possibly will be ready to start another IUI cycle this month. I am just waiting to hear about our blood work and the plan of action. I do have LOTS of meds left over so I am hoping they don't change that drastically because I want to use either my Gonal F or Follistim because I have both.


BTW, only 7 more posts for NaBloPoMo!!

-Lisa-

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am easily wrapped up into the suckiness of my life. I focus on our empty nursery down the hall. I focus on our toy-free house. I often complain about our infertility on this blog. I voice frustrations. I get out my frustrations and sadness (especially as of lately).

I don't want you to think that I am a miserably, bitter person. I really don't think that I am. I know that our situation, as well as many of yours, sucks. Infertility does suck. There are so many aspects of infertility that just plain suck.

But so many of us are so fortunate. For the most part, we have an amazing life. We are fortunate enough to go through these treatments and actually plan for a baby. We are going to be SO prepared to have a baby, and way more prepared than the fertile community!

That being said, I want to focus on the many things I am so thankful for.

• God
• My hubster
• My amazingly supportive family
• Our friends (even though fertile) are amazing and so are their children!
• My co-workers and friends at work
• The legacy and lessons my grandparents left me
• Running as a stress relief
• My dogger, Bella, and cat, Lola
• Our home
• Dr. Kim and the staff at KU Med
• Eye liner, without I look like a ghost
• Smart phones, what did I do without it?
• DVR, no more commercials
• Good health
• Wireless Internet
• Warm bed
• Coffee
• Indoor plumbing
• And.....all of YOU! This blog has introduced me to fabulous people. I love reading your blogs and sharing my blog with you. I feel like many of us would be friends in "real life" easily. You have been there through the crap and cheered me on in the good. I am blessed to have "met" all of you!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! We are off to one of multiple eating frenzies.
-Lisa-

That Time Again...Welcome ICLW

Welcome all ICLWers! I can't believe it is already this time again. The last month has flown by. Last month, we were doing nothing and the plan was to wait until the spring to proceed with adoption or treatment. Shortly after ICLW ended, we decided that while we are waiting, we were going to try a couple IUIs again.

The cycle moved quickly. I responded to meds, which never happens. I ovulated on my own on CD 13, again, never happens. They had to move up the IUI. I immediately had feelings of this not working. I started spotting CD 23, way too early. I think I started to believe the nurse that this could be implantation bleeding. Well, yesterday, CD 24, I realized it was the dreaded Aunt Flo.

So this IUI didn't work. I am waiting to hear back from Dr. Kim's office to determine what now...we are thinking of doing one more IUI next month, if my body allows it that is.

I am also participating in NaBloPoMo this month. It is through BlogHer and I have to post on my blog EVERYDAY in the month of November. This has been quite the challenge for me but I have made it so far. After today, only nine more days of posting. I. Can. Do. It. But feel free to check out the last 20 posts of rambling thoughts in November.

I look forward to following all of your blogs and learning from you. I love ICLW because it gives me the chance to step out and meet others going through this crazy thing called infertility.

Happy Commenting!
-Lisa-

My Path Whether I Like it or Not

First of all, Amanda at Growing Griswolds is PREGNANT! She got an amazing BETA today so I am thrilled for her.

 I was unsure of how to start off this blog post. I don't want it to be a downer because so many great things are still happening. So I thought the best way to start off was with this amazing news. I love hearing about the infertile becoming fertile. It gives me hope for our situation.

Now, for a bit of the downer...Aunt Flo reared her ugly head. The light spotting and cramping yesterday were obviously not implantation bleeding because today is heavy spotting and cramping. It is a crazy early period but it is what it is.

I am so disappointed even though I knew that this cycle didn't feel right. It was easy for us to picture telling our families and friends that we were pregnant. It was easy for us to envision our first ultrasound. I even found myself looking at my belly more than I should.

So, we are faced with what to do now. I think we will try another iui soon...maybe start this cycle if there are no cysts. But the bigger issue is handing it over to God. Because we can do the treatments and we can hope for the baby of OUR dreams...but if God isn't ready for us to be parents (or parents at all) then it isn't going to happen.

I am struggling with the thought of never being a mom. But what if that is what God has planned for us? Is childlessness something Jeremy and I can deal with? We have to decide when we give it up to Him and start living our lives without thinking about infertility.

I have a wonderful friend at work who literally held me and prayed while I sobbed in her arms. I couldn't have made it through the rest of the day without spilling my guts to her. She is such a strong role model for me. She has an amazing faith and love for God. I am so lucky to have her in my life. Somehow, God knew that I needed her in my life at this exact time of my life.

I often just put a smile on my face and tell everyone I am fine. I even lie on here and make it sound like I really am okay with everything. The truth is that I am struggling to see the bigger picture. I have a hard time accepting this path in life as MY path. I don't want to claim this part of my life. But I must.

-Lisa-