Is This for Real?

I recently went back and read my blog posts from last March and April. I was heartbroken and confused. I didn't understand why Jeremy and I were going through infertility. However, by my blog posts, you really couldn't tell. I sound so positive and faithful. I don't think I was that way through most of our struggle. It was interesting to see what a difference a year makes. So for those that are still deep in the infertility struggle, keep up the hope. I know we hear that a lot as infertiles and I wouldn't have believed it if we weren't in the position we are now.

I am on spring break this week and have spent it working on the nursery. I knew there would be no other spare time for me to work on it through the end of the school year so I have kept busy. We painted the walls a light gray. We built a new closet system after we tore the other one out. I steam cleaned the carpets. Tuesday, Nebraska Furniture Mart delivered the furniture. And now it is real. Or is it? I feel like I should pinch myself. I leave the door open so every time I walk by the room, I can smile. I find myself in there just looking at the bedding, sitting in the rocker, and visualizing how wonderful our lives are going to be with Max and Harper.

I still have to decorate with wall decor and shelving but here are some current pictures of the state of the nursery.

On top of the pure elation and excitement, I also am a nervous wreck. Oh, the dreams that I have! Also, since when did TV shows not only have expectant twin mommies...but mommies that lose their twins?! Seriously, it makes me crazy! I freak out when I can't feel them. Although, talking to the doctor today, that is perfectly normal right now. I can't wait until Jeremy is able to feel the movement either. He is going to freak! Here are some ultrasound pics from today:

Maxwell's profile (He is so cute!)



Maxwell's back squishing Harper's profile

They are getting so big!

Happy Spring (kind of)! In KC, we have had cold and snow the last week. It really hasn't felt too much like spring. However, today it was in the 50's so I got my dogger, Bella, out for a 3 mile walk. Boy, am I tired! It felt great to be outside exercising a bit though.

-Lisa-

Holy 20 weeks!!

If you would have asked me three years ago, or even 6 months ago, if I would ever get to this point...I would have told you that you were crazy! I cannot believe we are at the 20 weeks mark. I feel so blessed. I can't even begin to explain the pure elation. I cry when I think too hard about how God has blessed us.

I used to pray every day and night for a baby. I faltered in my faith often and thought God had abandoned us. I am so glad that He is a giving and FORgiving God. He not only had a plan for us and our family...He forgave us when we didn't trust in Him.

My belly is in a word...GINORMOUS! I can't believe it is going to get any bigger. I wake up and look in the mirror and gasp. I love having this huge belly because it means my babes are coming sooner and sooner....

Which also has me freaking out!!
*The nursery furniture was just ordered last week
*The bedding came in today!! I love it! It is yellow, white, and gray.
*We registered at BuyBuyBaby but still need to register at Target
*We need to pick out paint, buy paint, and paint the nursery before the furniture arrives in 10 days
*Heck, we need to clear out the nursery and move our office furniture to the basement
*We need to find a daycare center for the twins...we tour a few of them in a couple of weeks

I am in nesting mode which means I am stressed out when I can't get done what I need done. Which also means that Jeremy is doomed. He has mastered the smile and nod really well.

The last couple of weeks (actually months) have also been very difficult on our family. Jeremy's grandparents have both been ill and in and out of hospital and nursing homes. I lost my last grandparent almost 6 years ago so Jeremy's grandparents have been my own. In fact, his grandparents have always treated me like one of their own grand kids. We visited with them extensively about our fertility issues. They are Christians and prayed with us and for us.

It was so exciting to tell them back in December that twins were on the way. We all cried. It was shortly after that announcement when their health declined at a rapid pace. We lost Grandma on March 6. Jeremy and I were the last family members to see her before she passed. I can't begin to describe how much my heart aches. She was an amazing woman. I have felt like I need to be the strong one and support Jeremy and his family. So I have tried to cover my pain and dry my tears. But I miss her dearly. I am also heartbroken that Grandma won't ever get to hold Max and Harper. We decided to honor Grandma as well. Harper's full name is now Harper Evelynn Rose. Rose was Grandma's middle name. Now she will always be a part of our family.

I told my classes why I would be gone one day. One of my sixth grade students raised her hand and said the most profound thing, "I guess your grandma was special because she needed two souls to replace hers." I wanted to hug her and cry.

Grandpa still needs prayers and is in the nursing home. We will see him every weekend. We saw him Monday and he knew who we were and was up ready to visit. I just pray he gets stronger and stronger.

Sorry for the long post but there was a lot to update. I always plan to write on the blog more frequently and then life gets in the way. I do read all of the blog updates daily but never get around to writing my own!

-Lisa-

Cankles & Names, Names & Cankles

So... I have cankles.

Don't judge me. I stood all day today and I came home to cankles for the first time since I sprained my ankle in high school. I didn't think calf-ankle combo started until MUCH later in pregnancy. However, twin pregnancies are in hyper drive so I imagine that involves this temporary deformity. I am hoping the elevation and cutting back on salt will alleviate the nastiness that is my used to be slimmer ankles.

I went shopping for some adorable maternity clothes yesterday. I am happy with all of my purchases. It was time. I have boycotted the whole process. I have been using belly bands to hold up my normal pants. However, they are no longer able to be zipped even a little bit so it was time. To my surprise, I found some really cute clothes. I am hoping the cankles go away so I can start wearing the dresses that I got.

We decided on names for our little bundles! It is so exciting to address them by name now. It took some concessions on both of our parts but I am so happy with the names now. I am even more excited to meet them in person.

Our little boy is Maxwell "Max" Salvatore (my dad's middle name) Marc (Jeremy's middle name).

Our little girl is Harper (my favorite author) Evelynn (Lynn is my mother and mother-in-law's middle name).

I can't wait to meet Max and Harper!!!

I also have changed my blog's title. I was hesitant to do it but still trying to conceive didn't fit our situation anymore.

-Lisa-