Be Still

I have talked about how difficult infertility decision-making can be. We had to decide to do every treatment and when. We had to decide when enough was enough to take a break. We had to decide to tell people our struggle rather than keep it private. All of our decisions have taken time and contemplation. We haven't made a brash decision dealing with our journey to a baby. It actually seems like most of our time is centered around infertility decisions. Heck, the other day I was stressed about making the decision to take fertility supplements during our break because it couldn't hurt anything. But we are constantly moving forward and figuring everything out as we go.

Sometimes I feel so wrapped up into decisions, questions, answers that I lose myself. Infertility can cause such chaos in my mind and heart. I have good days where I am strong. But I also have days where all I think about is conception and nothing else. I really do get tired of making all the right choices. Childbearing is such a beautiful, intimate event in the natural course of a marriage. Not for us. Our course is a series of schedules, decisions, and so far, failure.

In church yesterday, it was said to Be still and know that God is God.

I realize that I don't have to let infertility take control. I don't have to panic when life doesn't pan out the way I dreamed it would. All because God is God. With Him, there is no reason for me to panic, stress, worry, or be all-consumed. Be still, Lisa.

The next 9 months of our break from treatment could be really good for us. They could be stress-free and relaxing. However, knowing me, I will still be disappointed and let down each and every month. I just need the strength to remain positive and patient (Be Still) with my eyes of Him.

-Lisa-