The Path of Infertility

24 pounds gone! Back in January it seemed like a LOOOONNNNNGGGG journey to getting fit. Now I am 26 pounds away from my ultimate goal. At the beginning of the journey, the path to the goal seemed so distant and unachievable. I feel great about my weight loss journey and I will not give up. I am also NOT going back the "fat road" again. I even packed up a bag for Goodwill to get rid of the fat clothes so I cannot go back. All my friends, years down the road if you see me going down the fat path...tell me please!

The journeys that we take in life are strange. Infertility is really just a chapter in the story of my life. It isn't going to last forever and it isn't going to define who I am. But it is a journey. I think back as Jeremy and I stood at the beginning of the infertility path and wondered what the end of the path had in store for us... What does the path look like? What will it take to get to the end?

There are and have been many twists and turns.  We can't see if we are at the beginning or nearing the end.  I just know we cannot get off this path.  We must follow it until it ends.

Imagine with me...
What do we see?  We see the thorns of infertility all around us. Thorns on the right side of the path, thorns on the left side.   We see them all alongside the path behind us, and all alongside the path in front of us. If we step on one, the injury would cause great pain and make it harder for us to continue on our journey.

But look! There’s a shortcut! That path has flowers instead of thorns! The only problem is that we must walk through the thorns to reach that path. Oh, the pain those thorns could cause. Is it worth it?

There are so many questions, so many “what if’s” along the path to potential parenthood. Each one is like a thorn in the way.

What if I go the wrong way? What if I get lost? What if I can’t find my way out of the woods?
What if I choose the wrong treatment? What if our savings is lost? What if I can’t find my way back to God after the way I’ve spoken to or about Him? What if there is an adopted child out there to whom I cannot find my way? What if we consent to IVF and it fails? What if my marriage fails? What if there is another diagnosis? What if my husband says ‘no more’? What if I conceive and lose a child? What if we make the wrong choice as to what doctor to go to? What if…? What if…? What if?

The burden of making so many life-changing decisions in the midst of such stress can be so overwhelming!  We gather as much information as we possibly can, yet we still cannot understand the medical jargon or even the financial statements. The pressure is mounting!

We desperately need a guide down this path. Sometimes it is easy to see which way to turn. Other times the thorns are hidden among the foliage and they catch you by surprise. Who can help us navigate this unknown territory?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Here’s the good news.  We don’t have to worry about what is next! In fact, God tells us not to! Don’t trust in our own understanding.  I know that there are times when my understanding of a situation is not accurate!

Trust God! I need to trust Him with all my heart! I need to trust Him with our future, with my body, with our family. He’ll direct me down this path of infertility. 

-Lisa-