Doctor Visit From You Know Where

I met with Dr. Kim today. I went by myself right after work. Jeremy and I talked ahead of time and like we shouldn't do...planned out our next step of fertility drugs. I had it set in my mind exactly what I would ask, what I would suggest, and what our plan was.

Boy...did all of that go out the window quick. It was an emotional doctor's visit to say the least. I am an emotional person to begin with and add a few life-altering thoughts and I might spontaneously combust. Dr. Kim said something like this, "Well, Lisa, we need to reevaluate our plan. I strongly recommend we try IVF (for those that don't know, in-vitro fertilization) instead of wasting time and money on another insemination. You are at the point in this process where we are just wasting time on IUI (intra-uterine insemination). Last year, I wasn't worried about you because on paper you and Jeremy look very healthy. But, I am concerned and think we need to switch up your plan."

My questions, suggestions and plan seemed to be a butterfly floating away slowly. My mind raced and tears welled in my eyes. Dr. Kim kept talking but it was like I was having an out of body experience. IVF wasn't a part of my plan. Our plan. And why is he concerned? What is wrong?

You know when you are trying to hold back tears but also trying to talk? It comes out as blubbering. You come across as an idiot. Well, that was me. I sobbed while trying to explain how I wanted something to be wrong so bad so he could fix it. I am sick and tired of being "normal" but no closer to being a Mom. I wanted to give up but at the same time just spend our life's savings on this new plan of his.

Talking to Jeremy seemed to ease my mind a bit. He is the rational one. I know that is a HUGE shocker to those that know us (insert sarcasm here)! Together we will make the right choice for us. We have a lot to discuss but the rational me who wanted to just stop after the next IUI is starting to see that IVF may not be so bad. Yes, it is more expensive but the success rate is about 40% higher than IUI.

So I again, am asking for prayers. Prayers that we make the right choice for us and that God will show us the right path to take. I know I have talked about the path of infertility before and am anxious to see where this fork in the road leads.

-Lisa-