Love, Mommy

**In Max and Harper's baby books, there are special sections to write letters to your babies. I finished mine over the weekend. There isn't a large space to write in so they are shorter than I would have liked. I also realize that I repeated some of the some things in Max's and Harper's. Jeremy is working on his letters still. I didn't make a first draft and just thought of things as I went. He is a perfectionist and has several drafts in the works. I will post his letters when he finishes them.**

My dear Max,
I fell in love with you instantly and you have brought so much joy and happiness into my life. I only hope that you will continue to be a Mama's boy! You will continue to grow even though I'm never ready for that. I wish for you a lifetime of happiness. Life will not be easy. I learned this in my search for you. When life gets too difficult or you feel no one understands, God does and He is always there for you. He made you and has great plans for you. Trust in Him always. I want you to be a good boy who respects others, especially women. Have good manners when you are in school and always respect your elders. You are attractive and beautiful on the outside but it is what is inside you that really matters. Be smart! Don't be too gullible and easy to trust those that may get you to stray from your beliefs. Education is very important so never stop learning. And never think you are too smart or too good for anything. Nothing comes easy so always work hard. I love you always and forever no matter what.
Love,
Mommy


My gorgeous Harper,
I love you more than words could ever express. You are a beautiful gift from God and I thank Him everyday for you. You are going to grow even if I want you to slow down. I only want the very best life for you. However, life isn't easy. You will have experiences that make you doubt yourself and God. When life gets difficult, turn to God for strength. He always understands. He made you and has a plan. I know this through the journey to get you. Trust in Him always. Never doubt your beauty. You are gorgeous and let no one convince you otherwise. Make sure your inner beauty shows as wel because that's what counts. Always give respect even when you feel disrespected. Never let anyone convince you to sway from your values and morals. Respect yourself. Be smart and don't always trust others as they aren't always worthy of your trust. Education is important so never stop learning. But don't think you are too smart or good for anything. Nothing comes easy so work hard. I love you always and forever.
Love,
Mommy


I also created my first photo book with Shutterfly. It was free! I have about 4-5 codes for free books so plan on getting those all completed before the codes expire. This first book was about their arrival into the world. I am happy with the way it turned out. Here is a glimpse at it and if you haven't made a photo book yet...you should!!

Click link below to see our photo book and then click the front cover on the Shutterfly website to view the rest:

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/projectdetail.sfly?fid=c54918a74738ee71c9f3edf1ebadc1fb&sid=0QbtWThwzcMnNA

-Lisa-

Two Months!!!

Max and Harper are officially TWO MONTHS old! I can't believe how fast the last two months have flown by. They will be NINE WEEKS old tomorrow.

Some of their accomplishments this month:

Harper rolled over from tummy to back at 4 weeks but Max has accomplished this as well at 8 weeks! Woo Hoo!

Smiling ALL the time. (Well not all the time but they are very happy babies!)

Control of their heads. They both enjoy tummy time and really pick up their heads and hold them steady. I am thinking we are going to bust out the Bumbo seats soon.

Grew out of newborn diapers and newborn clothes. (tear)

Sleeping through the night (What, what!!) They sleep at least 6 hours at a time now.

They both nap in their cribs now...but we are (ok, I am ) not ready to move them to their cribs at night. They still sleep in their bassinet on the side of our bed.

They pay attention a bit during our story time before bed.

Harper loves listening to music and it calms her down when she is upset. She especially loves when Pandora slips in a Spice Girls song.

They have gone everywhere we have gone. They have been out to eat multiple times, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, family get togethers, visited their Nonnie's work, farmer's market, friends' houses for get togethers, their cousin's soccer game, and unfortunately, their great-grandparents' funerals. They are great travelers and love being in the car!

I only have less than three weeks left at home with them. I am dreading October 1. I know that day is going to SUCK! However, Jeremy is going to be home with them until October 15 when they start daycare. I am fortunate that I will have had nearly 12 weeks with them.

We all get our family pictures taken this Saturday so I can't wait to share those with you all too!

Here are some pictures of my two little darlings. Enjoy!

Harper & Max love laying on their Daddy this way!

They didn't have a chance...they had to be Chiefs fans!

Max loves bath time!

Harper loves kicking the water

Dressed for the funeral

Smiles!!

Smiles!

My parents with their 9 grandchildren

Playtime

What up?!

Sad day to pack up newborn clothes

Hey guys!

-Lisa-

Infertility Thoughts From "The Other Side"

For those of you that are trying for your take home baby, this is for you. For those of you that are blessed (like me) to receive the lovable take home baby(ies) we hoped for, you may agree (or not).

I initially thought that infertility was just a short chapter to my life. It turns out, infertility never left me. It is a part of who I am and possibly always will be. It is true that the twins have seemingly completed our infertility struggles.

BUT infertility consumes us.  It overwhelms every part of us.  It infiltrates our emotions, our relationships, our finances, our intimacies.  It becomes so much a part of so much of who we are. 

Without realizing it, we begin to expect people around us to understand what it’s like to be infertile.  We long for understanding that we cannot even verbalize.  I wonder if we are not holding people to a standard that only God Himself can meet? 

I know that I expected everyone to understand what I was going through...even Jeremy. I disliked and loathed the idiots that unknowingly made stupid comments like "Why haven't you two had children yet?" or "Do you not want kids?" or "Are you doing it right?" or "Have you tried this?" or "You can borrow mine!" I found myself more focused on their idiocracy and insensitivity.

I still find myself dodging these same idiots. Except now they come with insensitive comments about how we obtained the twins. "Twins?" or "Do twins run in the family?" or "Gosh! I am glad they are yours." I really want to spew our entire struggle to them. I want to tell them that we spent thousands of dollars, cried millions of tears, and prayed countless prayers for these twins. Yes, they run in the family but we also had to have medical intervention.

But then I realize that the masses don't understand or know too much about the infertile world or my infertile mind.

Infertility is a lot of things.  It is a physical, emotional, relational and financial crisis in a young couple’s life.  It is an anvil on which many marriages are strengthened and some are destroyed.

That infertile mind doesn't go away. The pain is lessened by the smiles of my babies but I still hurt for the "abnormal" process that we had to go through to get these babies. I hurt for the so many women and men that are still in the trenches of IF. I know that those couples are facing the insensitive men and women who just don't understand.

I am sorry that you are having to paste a fake smile on your face when you answer their questions with "Yes, we want children. We will have them in due time. [nervous laugh]" (At least that was my blanket response.)

So, I posted pictures through pregnancy. I post pictures of my babes. But know that I am still infertile. I just pray and hope for your struggle to be lessened because from here on out...being an infertile never ends. We will always be infertile.





-Lisa-





   
  

Postpartum...No one told me this!

So if you don't like knowing the gross, unmentionable things of postpartum recovery...don't read this one. That means, you family. You don't need to know these things. Friends in real life...you probably don't want to know this as well.


I really won't be graphic. But let's be real.

I had both kinds of delivery, as you know. So that may make my recovery a little unique but I think my advice could be useful.

Vaginal Delivery

I never had pain with the episiotomy really. I know lots of my friends have told me about the soreness and pain "down there" but I think I was in so much pain with the C-section incision that I hardly noticed what was going on in the nether regions.

Although I didn't feel pain, I religiously used the spray they gave me in the hospital. It was a spray for cuts and burns. I used it mainly because they told me to but I didn't want to know what that pain felt like. I also used Tucks pads. I HIGHLY recommend a stool softener and Miralax. I had bad hemorrhoids before delivery and they were only going to get worse if I didn't take control of the digestive area.

Thanks to some Dulcolax in the hospital from my favorite nurse Katie...I had my first movement in the hospital. I didn't suffer like many other women do. When you are pregnant (because you WILL be, I know it!), ask for a suppository in the hospital. It made my life SO much better.

I just love the "sexy" underwear they gave me in the hospital. So comfy! I wore those fancies for a couple of weeks because I stole hoarded borrowed them. (I found that if supplies went away whether it was for baby or me, they were restocked the next day. I made sure supplies disappeared every night!)

I unfortunately had postpartum bleeding for 5 weeks! I thought for sure it would have been shorter since I also had C-section but nope! I was able to gradually get off of those diaper sized pads though.

C-Section Info

I think the Dulcolax made my life amazing in the hospital because of the gas relief. I had no idea that the worst pains of delivery could be the intense gas pains from the C-section. I mean we are talking pain that brings moans out and tears to my eyes. All from gas! In fact, my first night in the hospital, I swore babies were still in my stomach. I was feeling movement and pain just like before they were born. Luckily, just some trapped air...ha!

I didn't have staples or visible sutures from surgery. Everything was on the inside and dissoluble. I hear this is preferred for a quick recovery! I had my bandage taken off the evening after delivery. It seemed way too early but they wanted my incision to breathe. Why don't they make surgical tape that doesn't feel like skin is being ripped off?! Seriously.

I was forced to get out of bed right a way too. My catheter was taken out that next morning and I was made to get out of bed. Not nice! It hurt so bad to even move. They walked me into the bathroom and got me dressed in my new sexy undies and diaper pads. The gas pain that I referred to was awful and supposedly walking helps this. How could I walk when it feels like my guts could come spilling out any moment? But they were right. Walking helped. By the time we left three nights later, I was walking quite a few laps of the maternity ward each day.

My incision now is nearly numb to touch. It is like I have lost feeling. The doctor assures me that I will regain feeling. Numbness is way better than the pain though! For a few weeks, it was difficult to sit down, get up, roll over, pick up babies, etc. Now, it is just hard to wear clothing that hits at the incision spot. Maternity pants are great and comfy for this issue. I can luckily fit into my regular jeans but they are still scratchy against the scar.

Stretch marks are still there. I hate to look at my saggy, marked skin in the mirror. But they are my badge of honor. I wouldn't wish them away for anything. However, I will use Mederma Stretch Mark Therapy every day, twice a day. I am honored to have them but would like them to fade as much as possible too!

Now...here is what I never knew...

You lose control of your bladder!!!!

I didn't realize this fact until we were on a family outing to Sam's Club. I knew I had to pee...but not enough to make a run to the restroom. Stupid!

We were in the checkout line. My hubby is funny and cracks me up. Sleep deprivation make him even funnier! Well, one of his wisecracks had me bending over the stroller laughing uncontrollably. When all of a sudden I realized I was going to pee my pants and I couldn't stop it. I stopped laughing and looked at Jeremy in panic. I am not sure if I shouted this without realizing I was in public or discreetly whispered to him, "I just peed my pants, you jerk!"

I looked at him in a desperate, what-the-heck-do-I-do look. I quickly whipped around and put the twins stroller behind my pee-soaked butt and marched out of the store in shame. Wouldn't you know that I was stopped 3-4 times leaving the store. (Twins are quite the spectacle, you know.) I bet those people were wondering why I had a distraught look on my face and why the heck I was pulling the beautiful babies behind my large, wet hiney.

WORST DAY EVER!! Oh wait...there's more!

Jeremy had me laughing on a neighborhood stroll with the babes. The end result is peeing myself in the driveway of a neighbor's house. Yep! That happened and thanks to a thoughtful husband...we have proof.

So best piece of advice: Kegels! I didn't believe them in the magazines or in child birth class. They are no joke. Do them and do them often. You do not want this to happen to you. Ha!

I am sure I am leaving out postpartum drama and issues and if you ever have questions about my experiences, I am glad to share them with you...even the gross stuff!

-Lisa-

Twin Update-7 weeks

My babies are 7 weeks old tomorrow! Ah! It has gone so fast but at the same time I can't remember what we did before them. How did we spend our days? What did we talk about? What did I worry about? Everything before July 11 just seems to be a blur. They have changed our lives for the better.

I had to take Max to the doctor to get acid reflux medicine. He was having projectile spit up. I mean it was awful! He also screamed and cried for the first ounce of his feedings. You could literally hear the acid in his belly when he started eating. It was such a painful cry...it was heartbreaking. He also would often gag or cough randomly throughout the day. Feeding time was such a sad time for him. Normally he smiles and is just a happy, laid back little man. However, the medicine seems to be working. They put him on Axid twice a day and so far...no spit up. He still seems uncomfortable at feedings but not nearly as bad as before. He is 10.5 pounds!! What?! He isn't fat either. He is just solid as a rock. No many rolls on him but definitely a chunky monkey. I love his double chin and his chubby cheeks.

Both babies are in this FUN stage. They are starting to play and be alert more often.Their smiles melt my heart. With those smiles, it will be difficult not to spoil them rotten (although, I think they already are!).

They are eating a lot! The doctor said that it is fine but they are just little piggies. They eat 4-4.5 ounces every 3-4 hours. However, at night they are sleeping 5 hours in a row!!! Woo-hoo! I love that we are starting to get more sleep.

Jeremy is ready for them to move into their nursery and cribs. I am not. He hasn't brought it up in awhile which I am glad. I know that before I am back at work, we need to start making the transition. I have started putting them in their cribs for nap times.

They are both really good at getting to sleep on their own. We will lay them down awake and they will get to sleep on their own. They just need their pacifiers and they are out. Now, Harper still needs to be bounced or rocked sometimes but for the most part they can self-soothe themselves to sleep! This is awesome and hope they keep it up. It is hard for me to resist the urge to rock them all the time. However, their sleep habits will be much better if they can get themselves to sleep. (I still cuddle with them all the time though!)

Max went into size 1 diapers about 3 weeks ago. However, Harper is still in newborn sized diapers. We are on our last pack of newborn diapers. (We have not had to buy any diapers so far thanks to everyone!) Once these are gone, Harper will move to size 1 too. It couldn't come at a better time since Harper blew out her diaper today while in the car seat. I had to wash everything!!

Newborn clothes don't really fit Max anymore either. He is mainly in 0-3 months. 3 month clothing is still a little big on him...especially the pants. Little man has short legs! Harper can still wear newborn clothes but they are snug. I am going to cry the day that I pack away those adorable newborn outfits they have been wearing.

Another milestone...they moved up to the Avent size 2 nipples on their bottles. It has made feeding time go much faster. The size 2 nipples are for one month and older but we waited a bit after their one month birthday because they were doing fine with the size 1.

They are growing so fast. Harper rolled from tummy to back at 4 weeks and Max is nearly there. He can get to his side before he gives up and plops back down. Miss Harper is now working on back to tummy rolling. I swear that girl is going to be an athlete. She is so strong!

Now for the show-off pictures over the last couple of weeks:

Our church is growing! Here are 7 of the 8 babies born since May!!



My FAVORITE!! Even crying, they are so cute!

Max snuggling with Mama

My favorite place in the whole world!

Harper is out!!

Max using his pacifier as a joystick!

LOVE!



Playtime!

-Lisa-

Be Prepared!

I have been absent from the blog world for a couple of weeks. I haven't been reading, commenting, or writing. So bloggy friends...if you notice a bombardment of comments waiting approval or my posts filling your newsfeed...it's me! I am catching up today. I am hoping the darlings sleep a little bit longer so I can feel accomplished.

I really don't know where the time goes. It seems like days fly by and I literally get nothing accomplished besides baby snuggles, feedings, laundry, bottle washing, and occasionally some light cleaning. Before I know it, it is 6pm and Jeremy is home from work. I am enjoying this time immensely though.

I go back to work October 1. I have less than 5 weeks now and it terrifies me. I just LOVE this time with my babies. I think of work everyday but am learning not to stress over it. I am a teacher and my substitute QUIT just two days in. I guess my 7th & 8th graders were a little much. Wonderful people at my school have taken over to make sure the curriculum and students are in one piece when I return. They have made my life here at home enjoyable. I was thinking that I needed to go back sooner to salvage everything. Thank goodness I get to be a stay at home Mommy for a little longer!

I have lots of posts in mind. So be prepared...they are coming!

-Lisa-

Growing up and the Anti Belly

So...a few things:

1. I hate the idea of going back to work. I attend meetings (woo-hoo!) this week to prepare for the upcoming school year. My heart isn't into it this time. I am usually gun-ho to plan, prepare, and meet the kids. Not this time around! I left my babies in wonderful hands (my mom and dad) yesterday for 4 whole hours! I was so excited to see them after the longest time I have ever been away from them. I don't REALLY go back to work until October 1 but at this rate...it will be here before I know it.

2. My Facebook feed today was filled with pictures of kids going back to school. A close friend's twins started kindergarten today. What?! They were just baby girls, like yesterday! It really makes me realize what everyone tries to tell me..."enjoy this time because it goes fast!" No kidding! It will be a sad, sad day when Max & Harper have their backpacks over their shoulders waiting for the bus. (Ok...can't even think of it without tearing up!)

3. Our 5 year anniversary is coming up quickly too-August 30. Jeremy has surprise plans for me but I told him that I don't want to be away from the babies for too long! However, I am super excited to see what he has in store for me. He is such a great husband and daddy!!

4. I go back to the doctor for my six week postpartum check up next week. I am SO much looking forward to being cleared for exercise. Not just walking...I do that. I want to start running and really working out. I have twenty pounds left before I reach pre-pregnancy weight. I would like to have it off by Thanksgiving (or Christmas at the latest!).

Here is the progression of the "Anti-belly":

36 weeks pregnant-2 weeks postpartum-5 weeks postpartum

5. Twins are five-freakin'-weeks old tomorrow!! What? Jeremy and I have managed to keep them alive and well for 5 whole weeks!

-Lisa-