Baby Showers Oh My!

Baby showers are a very normal step in the process of preparing for a first baby (or babies in our case). However, for an infertile...baby showers have always been such painful experiences. Granted, I have always been happy for my friends who now have beautiful children. But a shower was one of those occasions where my desire for children was thrown in my face.

It was so hard to sit through the games, the tiny décor, and the adorable baby items. Luckily, the cake seemed to take some of the sting away!

There were times that I backed out of baby showers because of the overwhelming sadness. There were times that I slipped out early.

BUT...for once these were showers for OUR babies! It didn't make it any less emotional for me though. My first shower was with Jeremy's family, my family, and family friends. My sister, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and mom all helped throw the shower.

My sister & me

With my mom

Write on a diaper and feed the piggy banks

The adorable cake!

The mints

The setup

The Loot

My sister, me, my mom

My sis, me, Mom, my sister-in-law 

It was such a great day! I held it together while at the shower but on my drive home...I lost it. I think it hit me that I just had a baby shower...for me! I spent years thinking (and believing) that I would never be pregnant, that I would never be a mom, that I would never have a baby shower. I bawled like a baby all the way home. I literally sobbed. I could have blamed it on the pregnancy hormones but the truth was...I was so happy that I didn't know how else to react to the generosity and support of the lovely ladies that were there with me.

My friends threw me my next shower. It was equally as emotional but again I kept my composure. I have been to their baby showers to celebrate their beautiful babies and they have been SO supportive through our entire process. They cried with me, prayed with me, and always found a way to make me forget about our lack of children even if for a brief time. They are the greatest friends EVER!

Great food!!

So great to hang out with friends!

The Loot!

We are missing one great friend who left but here are my friends for life! Many we have been friends for our whole lives!

The beautiful moms that have raised us and have also been 2nd moms to me!

My camper Alicia and her baby

Jeremy's work also gave us a shower but I don't have many pictures of the event! My work collected money for a gift card.

Moral to this story...we are BLESSED! So many people have supported us and still support us as we embark on this new journey called parenthood. I LOVED every bit of every shower.

-Lisa-

Twins Stroller (Baby Jogger City Select)

I figured while I am on bedrest and not able to do much of anything...I might as well catch up on the blog. So you will most likely see more posts that I have been meaning to do for weeks and haven't found the time.

My mom bought us the most BA stroller ever. It got great reviews on the twins blogs that I read and it is just awesome! It is a Baby Jogger City Select. It comes with the attachments for a double seat and also holds two infant seats.

We don't have the regular seats attached since we will be using the infant seats exclusively for awhile. Here is our stroller with the two infant seats (we have Britax infant seats but they work with BabyJogger).

Sorry for the mess in the picture. Our basement is where we are keeping baby stuff we don't know what to do with yet.

This stroller has so many options. Here are some pictures to show all of the different possible combinations.

With the seats that we have to add when finished with the infant seats.

 

It also folds up really easily.

We (by we, I mean Jeremy) is taking our infant seats and bases to get inspected and installed tomorrow. The doctor said I could still drive myself to my doctor's appointments and even attend my baby shower on Wednesday as long as I was sitting.

 

I am hoping I start to feel normal soon. The "mag bag" has completely made my body feel like I have ran a marathon. My belly is sore, my legs are sore, I am having a hard time taking deep breaths. So I am really hoping that in a couple of days the magnesium sulfate has worn off and I can go back to feeling somewhat normal.

 

This bedrest thing is going to be really difficult for me.  I am used to getting things done and not just sitting around. But I will! I want Maxwell and Harper to be healthy when they are born and if that means I am miserable for another couple of weeks...I will happily do it for them!

 

-Lisa-

1st L & D Visit

We had our scheduled hospital visit set up for Monday. Babies wanted us to get the FULL experience before that.

I had my regular OB appointment on Wednesday. I had been showing signs for pre-term labor for a few days but on Wednesday the contractions that were low menstrual like cramps started. I just laid around all Wednesday until my appointment around 3pm.

At the appointment, Dr. Abney was concerned with the amount of contractions I was having so checked my cervix. I was dilated to a 1.5-2. She said I had to go over to Labor and Delivery and get hooked up to the monitors for a  bit. I called Jeremy to leave work and they brought over a wheelchair to wheel me over to the hospital portion.

Once at L & D, they had me put on the many belts to monitor babies. About an hour into monitoring, they checked my cervix again. I was then a 2.5-3 cm. The doctor from Abney's practice started going over the protocol with me. Our hospital can only deliver babies starting at 34 weeks because they are a level 2 NICU. I had to be transferred from St. Lukes Northland to the larger St Lukes about 20 minutes from our house.

From that news, everything moved so quickly. I received my first of two steroid shots for the babies' lungs. I had a catheter started. My very first one ever and it sucked! I had an IV started with a Magnesium drip. This would also become a nemesis of mine.

They warned me that I would be traveling by ambulance with lights and sirens but to not panic. It seemed like within minutes I was on the stretcher and on my way. Jeremy followed nervously behind. Both of us were so concerned about Max and Harper that I think we were in deep shock that this was really happening.

All the way to the hospital, I had hard and strong contractions. My worries were running away with me. Once at St Lukes, the L&D nurses and doctors just surrounded me and made us feel so comforted and supported. They started with the fact that babies would be fine even if they did make an early appearance. That eased our minds some. I had some awful exams that hurt like crazy. The doctor could feel Max's head and it was his head that is resting on my cervix. I was still at 3cm. No growth, which was good.

The magnesium IV was to stop all contractions. It did its job wonderfully. However, in the process it really does make you feel like a monster. All of my muscles stopped working, not just the uterus. I was nauseous, delusional, and just felt awful. The weirdness of the catheter just added to this as well. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital bed. I was on restriction of fluids because the fluid can build up in the lungs while on magnesium or the nurses called the "mag bag." So ice chips every few hours was how I quenched my MEGA thirst.

Because I was nauseous, no food for awhile either! I didn't get to have a meal until noon on Thursday. It was probably the best food I have ever tasted! Plus I got to have my first fluids as well! Woo-hoo!

Thursday night I got the second of the steroid shots for the babies' lungs. I was literally in countdown mode to getting the mag bag taken off. They would only have me on the mag bag for 24 hours after the second shot. So 5pm Friday was my D-Day.

Friday was a long day but a long day without contractions. Labor had nearly stopped and babies were doing wonderfully. I think I received about 3 hours of sleep the entire time I was at the hospital in three nights. They were constantly checking me or fixing the monitors. It was so uncomfortable.

Friday night was the greatest! The mag bag came off. The catheter came out. I needed help to and from the restroom because my muscles were so jelly-like but I could use a real toilet and they gave me a giant mug filled with iced water!!

Saturday the doctors came in thrilled with the progress. I was a 3cm still. No contractions at all. The only little hiccup is that my oxygen levels dropped while I was sleeping which causes babies' heart rates to drop a bit. No huge worry since they caught me sleeping on my back which is a no-no. Around 3pm Saturday, they decided we could GO HOME!!

Going home meant that I would still have to continue this bed rest but from the comfort of my own home. I will take it. I am exhausted and humbled by the experience. I am so glad that I have a chance to bake Maxwell and Harper a little longer. I know these extra two weeks will make them stronger and healthier.

So...now I rest...in bed...until they arrive. What a week?!

-Lisa-

Countdown to Babies To-do List

School is out for summer!! And for me, school is out until October 1 when I go back after maternity leave. I though I would feel more relaxed...but I don't. I have created a to-do list that is a mile long. I want everything on the list completed before the babies arrive.

(On a side note about Max and Harper's arrival. I have a strong feeling they will be here by 35 weeks.  I am having an increase in contractions as well as some other more disgusting things that are signs of getting closer to labor! Holy cow! For their health they really need to stay in until 35 weeks. Which is 3.5 weeks away!!!)

I have had three of my four baby showers. I plan on making a separate post with pictures but have been super lazy in getting the pictures off my camera. I will hopefully do this soon. We received SO MUCH stuff! We feel so blessed that so many people support us and love our babies. But more on that later...here is my list:

1. Clean out from under the guest bathroom sink to make room for baby bath stuff.

2. Move our master bedroom around to accommodate the double bassinet.

3. Wash all baby clothes, sheets, blankets.

4. Sort clothes into tubs by size for storage.

5. Clean out and organize attic to make room for baby storage.

6. Clean out garage and create storage for babies.

7. Clean out the basement which has been the hub for everything baby.

8. Clear out kitchen cabinet for bottles and such.

9. Clear out space in pantry for formula.

10. Get infant seats inspected and professionally installed at the fire station.

11. Pack hospital bag!

12. Install more shelves in laundry room.

13. Get new faucets installed in kitchen and bathrooms.

14. Fix our light switch in master bedroom.

15. Start filling out baby books.

16. Purchase items off registry that we still need.

17. Write thank you cards.

18. Find a pediatrician.


So...I better get busy because just typing it all out gives me anxiety. I know I am probably still missing critical things that should be done before their arrival and that keeps me up at night (as well as their movement and pains).

I hope to make a shower post soon!

-Lisa-

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day has always been a dreaded holiday. I love my Mom so I just focused on showering her with love and avoided the thoughts that I may never be a mother myself. It was too painful to imagine.

So, although, this year is different as we await the arrival of Max and Harper...I still hold a special place in my heart for the many friends that are sad today. I pray for you today and always.


"A mother is not defined by the number of children she can see, but by the love she holds in your heart."

-Lisa-

28 Weeks & Thank God for Crafty Friends!

Well, I am 28 weeks pregnant! Crazy talk, I know! The babies are still vertex and seem to have dropped lower. My hips and back are starting to hurt but I just know that means they are getting ready for their departure. I only hope they wait awhile. They are too tiny now. I want to get them to at least 5 pounds before they meet the world.

This was my bump last week (27 weeks). I don't think I am bigger but my belly now hangs lower.

My ankles swell at the end of the day. I thought I had cankles before but now they have become epic in size! My wedding ring has to come off at the end of the day until the swelling goes down by morning. I know there will come a time when the ring will have to be taken off entirely. This is hard for me since I love wearing my ring and never take it off.

The nursery is nearly complete. We hung the last of the antiques last weekend. I found two antique shelves at an antique store that are painted in a yellowish hue. They go well in the room. They are recent purchases. However, I found this old window about 3 years ago. It was painted yellow and the glass had the blue flowers painted on it. At the time, I envisioned stripping the paint off and painting a different color. I admit that after I cleaned it up, I rather like the window just the way I found it. It goes with the room. Jeremy had a heck of a time getting it anchored securely to the wall. It hangs above our changing table with one of the shelves.

 

I don't have my first baby shower until Memorial Day weekend. However, many good friends and family have been busy crafting, quilting, and making beautiful gifts for Max and Harper. I wish I had an ounce of their abilities. My poor children have a mother who is lacking in that artistic skill. My student teacher from last year (who gets to work at our school next year!! YAY!) made these amazing hats. They match our nursery exactly. I cannot wait to have the twins pose in these hats. It may be their first newborn pictures!

My 12 year old niece made Max and Harper cute blankets. I love how soft they are. Max has the sock monkeys and Harper has the bright, cheerful turtles and elephants. I love them!! Plus, my niece is going to be an amazing babysitter.

 

I have mentioned many times how great this infertility community has been. I have met women who I genuinely care about even though we have never met. It is crazy how you can develop a friendship and companionship without ever really knowing them. One of these many bloggers is a sweet and caring gal who is one of the most upbeat supportive people. She is had a heck of a time dealing with her infertility and I pray for her often. She has decided to make quilts for the babies of infertiles. I nearly cried when I received these in the mail. I LOVE them!

It could be now anywhere between 6 weeks and 9 weeks that Max and Harper are in our arms! I am so excited!

-Lisa-

Join the Movement

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)!

I have been thinking about my 'Join the Movement' post for a couple of weeks. I have had some talks with my husband, Jeremy, to see if he had any profound thoughts on the topic. I had to have been desperate! Ha!

Infertility is such a scary, uncertain, heartbreaking, faith shaking, life destroying, relationship ruining, down right sucky, awful, sad, and horrible disease. People don't truly understand that it is a disease. It isn't a misfortunate accident. It isn't something that just happens.

Infertility is a disease. A disease that affects nearly 8 million people in the United States alone (Resolve). Infertility seems to choose the couples that are truly wanting families. Although, infertility doesn't discriminate. All couples are susceptible to the horrors of facing an infertile life.

Some infertiles can solve their issues with medication and ovulation predictors. Some must go onto injections and inseminations. Others move onto the terrifyingly expensive step of IVF. Some have surgery upon surgery to conceive. Many go on to use surrogates, donor eggs, donor sperm, or adoption. And sadly, some face a life of childlessness.

I feel like I have tried to educate people on infertility. When I created this blog in December 2011, some of my friends and family had no idea what Jeremy and I had been through. I felt encouraged by so many friends that came to me to share their stories. I had no idea how many infertiles I knew in my "real" life. Each of their stories touched me, and hopefully, mine helped them in some way as well.

At first, I was shy about our struggles with infertility. I wasn't sure how people would take my willingness to be an open book. I knew that infertility was a disease that most suffered in silence. I wasn't willing to be silent anymore. Even if I made a few people uncomfortable, I know that being open about infertility helped counsel me and many others. Staying silent works for many couples, but I couldn't move forward with all of the built-up sadness and anger. The best way for me to release my emotions in a safe environment was right here.

This blog created a space for me but I also met so many wonderful other infertiles. This is by far the best part about being open to sharing infertility. The blog friends that I have made over the last year are friends that will potentially be a part of my life for a lifetime. I find myself thinking about them, praying for them, and celebrating beside them. These other infertiles are the strongest and most caring individuals that I have met. I am so fortunate that sharing my story led me to their strong support system.

Even though, it seems as if I am on the "other side" of infertility with Max and Harper on their way. I will always be an infertile. It is a part of me and who I am. I will continue to be an advocate for infertiles everywhere. Whether that is sharing my story and success, or just educating the fertile world on what is acceptable and what is not.

So, yes, I have joined the movement! And I don't plan on quitting the movement until infertility is fully recognized as a disease. I won't stop until insurance companies across the country decide to cover these procedures as they would for "elective" procedures. Everyone needs to know what infertility is and how it affects couples. Only with education on the topic can infertility get the recognition from the people who can make changes.

Join the Movement and spread the word of infertility! I know I plan to continue.

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

-Lisa-