To Max and Harper Love, Daddy

A LONG time ago...I wrote Max and Harper a letter from Mommy in their baby books. Here is my letter. I fill out their baby books every month. And every month, I ask Jeremy for his "From Daddy" letter. He keeps giving me the same response, "I am working on it." Well, today, I pulled out the baby books to work on tonight. I asked him the same question. But this time...HE DID IT!


Maxwell and Harper,

I know this is late, and your mother has been on me about getting this done for awhile now; but I had a plan, and it is finally time to sit down and write each of you a personal message-a message that hopefully resonates with you for a very long time.

You may not remember how things were when you were born, or anything about your initial journey through life. But there are plenty of pictures-and stories accompanying those pictures-that will help you understand exactly how you became, well, you. And more importantly, how much everyone loves you.

Your mother can attest that it was, indeed, love at first sight.

We knew we wanted to be parents, and to raise children of our own. We just hit a few hiccups along the way-hiccups that led us to you.

As you are naive to how your life is playing out right now, we, too, had no idea how our path to finally meeting you would unravel. But, as your mother would agree, we would do it over and over again knowing what we know now.

You may never understand what had to happen for your mother and I to welcome you into this world, but all the pain, agony, frustration, momentary loss of faith, financial struggles, etc., etc., are now just stepping stones-necessary moments and feelings that prepared us for the best thing that has ever happened in our lives.

The reason I waited to write this letter is because I wanted to get to know you first. I knew of you, I just didn't know you personally. Now that I do, I wanted to open my heart up a little.

Max,
Your smile is infectious. While I never know the motives behind it-whether you are just showing your pleasure for something, or trying to distract someone while doing something that you shouldn't be doing-your smile will always, in turn, make me smile back.

You are adventurous. While they may scare me at times, I want you to know that I have your back. I will let you learn the things that you think you need to learn on your own, but I will always be there to catch you if you fall.

I want to ask something of you, though. I want you to always be there for your sister, Harper, just like I promise to be there for you. She will frustrate you, bug you, and you will want nothing to do with her at times; but remember that she is your sister, and that she needs you more than either of you will ever admit.

Harper,
The way you look at me melts my heart. And that little smirk you give me will always tell me that you know how much I truly love you.

I will never get tired of holding you, even if it is bedtime or the middle of the night when everyone else in the house is sleeping. My arms will always be wide open for your cuddles.

I promise to always make you laugh. Right now you seem to get a kick out of everything that I do, but that will change. My goofy antics will not be as funny as you become older, but I will adapt and try my best to continue being the funniest person that you know-just ask your mother!!!


While this is from me, I just want you both to know how much your mother and I love you. We waited what seems like an eternity for the moment you entered this world, but please know that you were worth every second of it!

Love,

Daddy


Love him!
-Lisa-

Mama Got a Brand New Job!

I just realized that I have not made a single post this month. This is a stressful, busy time of the year for teachers. It is the last weeks of school so kids are crazy, teachers are frazzled, papers needing graded are piled high, state testing is grueling, and so on. I signed on to teach a couple weeks of summer school which is always "fun" (not really, but good money).

For a couple of years, I have started to lose the passion for teaching. I was losing sight of why I loved teaching. I was becoming more and more burnt out. The babies are what finally pushed me to quit my job a couple months ago. I needed to find something I loved if I was going to spend time away from them...or the plan was to spend more time at home.

My plans are not in action here. HIS are! (Why haven't I learned from before??)

A couple months ago, a great district called me to set up a screening interview. I was surprised because I hadn't applied but they got my resume at an online database. I went. Loved the principal that interviewed me. She called me the next day for a second interview. I toured the building, met staff, and loved the idea of teaching again.

Two weeks later (I got really impatient!), I GOT THE JOB! I just know this will re-energize my love for teaching again. I am so excited for the new challenges, new outlook and other perks. Like the new school is only 5 miles from home. Right now, I drive 27 one way. So...more time with babies. It also doesn't hurt that I will be getting a considerable raise in salary. Like...a lot!

It is bittersweet though. I have spent my entire teaching career at South Middle. Those people are my family. They are why I stuck around and they made me sane. I will miss them more than they know. The last day of school is approaching which makes me excited...but I also am dreading those goodbyes.

Now... some babies to hold you over until Sunday...the babies will be 10 months old!

Max takes the phone and talks. We caught him saying "Hello". Harper waves. More adorable pics and videos later.

-Lisa-

Be a voice. Be heard.

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week!

Infertility is always a part of each victim's life.

It doesn't matter if you seem to be "on the other side" of the disease with the answered prayer baby in your arms or in your belly. It doesn't matter if you are just starting to seek out medical help. It doesn't matter if you are on your second IVF failure. It doesn't matter if you have gone through countless procedures, surgeries, miscarriages and heartbreak.

We ALL know what it feels like to want something so badly that you would do nearly anything to get it.

We put our bodies through hell for the chance of starting or completing a family. We get our hearts filled with hope at the beginning of a cycle or the beginning of the adoption process...to have them broken into a million pieces when things go awry. Our hearts seem to magically heal in time for the next cycle...and the next...and the next. We go through this over and over again holding onto a faith and love with such persistence. We obsess over each twinge, spot of blood, cramp, and cycle day. We test...then test, and then test again. Our minds constantly guessing on what it all means and if we need to call the RE.

We carry a heavy burden.

We bear other's advice. We bear the weight of our partner's childlessness. We beat ourselves up and blame ourselves for all the failures. It is our bodies. It is our fault.

We ache for the child so badly that when we are lucky to see a positive pregnancy test...we are afraid to celebrate. After all, we know that at any given moment, our dreams could come crashing down.

We are infertile.

It is the type of disease that stays with its victims forever. Once an infertile, always an infertile. Even after it seems like we have "beat" infertility...it becomes a state of mind. We will never be the same. It has altered our hearts. It has essentially robbed us from an experience that many get for free without heartache.

If you don't know about infertility, please take the time to educate yourself. Most likely a couple you know is suffering. Some in silence. We need you.
For more information, visit www.resolve.org 

-Lisa-