Marriage is Hard

Instead of apologizing for my absence, I will just say life has been busy and grand all at the same time. July 31 I started my new job in a new school district. It has been a great change for me and I am loving it! August 13, school started and then my professor (yes, professor! I love saying that!) job started August 19. So I am still trying to navigate and juggle everything. Some days I am not quite sure how I have managed to keep all of the plates spinning on those teeny, tiny poles.

One of the reasons I have been able to do everything and come out fairly unscathed is because of the topic of this post...my husband, Jeremy.

Tomorrow marks SIX years of wedded bliss marriage. August 30, 2008, I resigned myself to be forever known as Mrs. Sickel and committed my life to loving Jeremy.

Notice that I didn't say wedded bliss above. I would be lying if I said that the last six years have been blissful and perfect. In fact, I am convinced that the last six years have been by far the most difficult, scary and sometimes ugly moments of my life thus far. And I am sure Jeremy would agree.

My parents are getting ready to celebrate 50 years of marriage in October and Jeremy's parents are getting closer to 40 years of marriage. What awesome examples of unending love, huh?

Marriage today seems to be an act or commitment that is taken for granted. It is so easy to change your mind mid-marriage or in some cases, minutes into the relationship. I am not saying that Jeremy and I deserve some kind of fancy award for making it six whole years. A small feat, really. Six years is just starting this journey really. (Although a gold star on the sticker chart or a blue ribbon with 1st clearly displayed is always appreciated.)

The events that occurred between August 30, 2008 and August 30, 2014 weren't abnormal to so many, but they were hard. Life didn't deal us the best hand to play with, but we did our best. I was willing to give up on everything at least a dozen (ok...more than that) times. I wasn't always rational in how I viewed our sucktastic journey through infertility. But I didn't need to be. Jeremy found a way to ensure that when I was losing my freaking mind, he was keeping it together for the both of us. I, of course, did the same for him ALL (maybe twice) of the time.

Any marriage that makes it through the throngs of infertility deserves some kind of reward. (Like, paying off fertility debt is just a start! No really. I am not kidding. That should be a thing!)

I never thought anything in life would be harder than surviving those years of fertility treatments, denial, blame, doubt, hatred, hurt, depression and disappointment. That was until the last 14 months presented itself.

The last 14 months proved to be pretty dang hard and even more challenging to our marriage. Now these months were MUCH different from our infertility times. We experienced amazing, undying, unconditional love...for two little humans that we created. So yeah...Max and Harper are great! We love them in a way neither of us expected. A way that makes our hearts literally want to burst out of our chests.

But our marriage has been anything than ideal the last year or so. We both would agree. But the best part is that we realize this and haven't given up. Nor do we (or at least I) have plans to. (Jeremy, you better not either!)

Parenting is SO hard. This goes for any parent no matter how many kids you have. Although my experience is twins, it doesn't change the fact that being a parent is a hard job. Two different people have two different ideas of what is right for the kids. Different ideas on how to feed them. How to dress them. How to play with them. How to discipline them. How to teach them. How to put them to sleep. How to hold them. How to change them.

Pretty soon those two people who were so in love and so involved in each other's lives are now devoting every waking moment to raising the kids. We may have a good 5 minutes at the end of the day to discuss personal feelings and thoughts but by then, don't you just want to sleep? We start to schedule conversations. Remember the time when we could talk whenever we wanted? Sleep deprivation sets in and then the 'whose turn is it to get up?' turns into a whisper-shouting match at 3am. (yep, that happened!)

So if we are honest, our marriage has suffered since becoming parents. But the good thing is that we have realized this. We need to make more time for us. This means...date nights. We don't do them. Mainly because we feel like our two are a handful for anyone who watches them. They are so busy and into everything. And...I want to spend as much time with them as possible. But I am seriously doing a disservice to Jeremy and my relationship.

I am certain that we love each other more than we did 6 years ago. We have seen the worst of each other. We have experienced some really awful things that are unfathomable to some. But we have also experienced overwhelming joy and blessings. We have seen God work in our lives in miraculous ways.

It really is crazy to see us as those young, anxious newlyweds. We had no idea where life would take us but we were going to do it together so it didn't matter. It still doesn't. We are in this together. I couldn't ask for a better partner and father to Max and Harper. I am so fortunate! Happy Anniversary, Jer! I love you!

-Lisa-